Before and After: The Journal of Micky Dolenz
by BaronessvonTrapp
Summary: This is a prequel written in journal form from Micky's POV. In the beginning he feels his life is "almost perfect" However, he is about to go through a heartbreaking experience. In order to get over his heartache he is going to decide to use his talent and deep love for music to start a rock group which will of course be the Monkees. : Read and enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

May 27, 1965

Things are so close to prefect now. I say close to perfect because I'm afraid the minute I say perfect perfect world will come crashing down around me. I have to keep blinking to make sure it's not a dream that will end when I open my eyes.

Call me superstitious. I get that my from my Dad, lord rest his soul. I still miss him more them I can even write on paper. It's been a little over two years and I still have an irreparable hole in my heart.

My God, he died a month before my 18th birthday. Well, Happy fucking birthday. Welcome to adulthood. We talked about how we were going to celebrate my 18th birthday. He was so proud that I was turning eighteen. We talked about it days or even hours before his death. Well we never got to celebrate. When my birthday rolled around he was gone and I certainly wasn't feeling up to celebrating without him.

I feel like a crazy person but even now I still forget he's gone forever. That's the problem. He IS gone and I STILL need him. There are times when I really need his support and advice. Sometimes I have a bizarre day and my first thought is "Wait until Dad hears about this!" Oh but that is not even the worst part. Sometimes I actually pick up the phone and I expect my dead father to pick up! I'm always brutally yanked back to reality when Robert, my stepfather, or mom answers.

Speaking of Robert, it's not that I don't love him. I really do. He's done so much for us especially my little sisters. However, he's not my Dad and never will be. Luckily he seems to know that and does not try to replace Dad entirely.

My only hope is that wherever Dad is he somehow knows about my almost perfect life and is happy about it. Even more important I hope that he approves and is proud of me. Even though he's gone I still want to make him proud of me.

I just realized that this stared out as a happy journal entry about an almost perfect life. Then I started ranting on about missing my dead father! How the hell did that happen? It somehow went downhill somewhere and I have no idea why I did that. I had every intention of writing a nice journal entry about my newfound happiness. Let's return to the happy part shall we.

I'll begin by saying I owe most if not all my happiness to my sweet beautiful Mary. WOW! What a girl! She is so incredible that I often look at her and think "Are you crazy? What the fuck are you doing with me? You could have anyone, ANYONE!" Well, crazy or not she chose me. I've decided I'm not going to waste my time being all flowery and stupid about how wonderful she is. I cringe when other guys go on and on and on acting sappy and flowery about a girl. So, in a way I feel like a hypocrite. So, to be succinct and to the point she's totally wonderful in every way.

We got back a ways and have a rather colorful history. Let's see, how should I put this? Well, she pretty much took my boyhood in her stride. Enough said! Oh yes, quite a colorful history!

I'm making it sound like we have always been giddy and happy together. Far from it! We gone through some rough spots believe me! Until recently we hadn't spoken in months. I am forced to admit she has done things that I once thought were unforgivable. These were things that my family and friends also warned me were completely unforgivable.

I think the biggest thing is she completely withdrew from me immediately after Dad died. Obviously, that was a time when I needed all the love and support that I could get. She dutifully attended that wake and funeral as did everyone that knew our family. However in the days or even hours after the funeral, she withdrew from me. She always told me she was too busy for me. There were times when she wouldn't even take my calls at all.

Recently we talked again. I didn't want to forgive her at first for abandoning me during my darkest hour. However once she explained herself it made complete sense to me. She said she couldn't handle the sudden death thing. It totally freaked her out. She knew she couldn't help me get through a loss of that magnitude. She was afraid of saying the wrong thing and causing me double the heartache. So why should she jump in and make things a thousand times worse for me. She withdrew out of love and concern so she could protect me. I was extremely touched when I heard that she abandoned me out of love and deep concern. She explained that of course she felt sad about Dad's death simply did not have the strength or the stomach to help me get through it. Perhaps it was wrong of me to expect her to step into a roll that she was unprepared to handle.

After some arm twisting she convinced me we needed to be together. Mom was horrified that I was even considering such a thing. Big surprise, I did it anyway! I mean how many guys my age actually listen to their mommies? Pretty girl or mom? DUH!

Mom twists her face into a rather ugly shape every time I say "The M word" Like a broken record she says, "How can you possibly be with someone who just abandoned you right after your father died? That was a time when you needed her the most! Anyone that selfish can't possibly love you!" Then comes the lecture on what love really is! Oh God save me from that bullshit! I just sit there nod my head and say in a monotone voice "ah ha!" "Yes!" "Of course Mother!" Now that also really pisses her off! That leads into a lecture on my bad attitude. Of course, I do that on purpose to steer her away from the "what is love" lecture. Yeah, she's still pissed at me but it's the lesser of two evils believe me! Besides I've been lectured about my bad/disrespectful attitude so much I could do it in a monologue. I know all the words by heart!

Sometimes I have a temporary lapse in judgment and try to defend Mary's case. "Look Mom, Mary and I talked through that! She explained to me why she left me after Dad died. I listened to her side of the story and I completely understand now! As you always say there ARE two sides to every story!" Then I give myself a swift kick in the ass and say to myself, "YOU JACKASS! Have you learned nothing?!" Then things take a particularly bad turn. My defense is followed by the very deadly Janelle death ray. That always ends the argument! My only recourse is to leave the room before my eyes melt out of my head. I don't think anyone has ever had the fortitude to face down a Janelle death ray. Dad never could and I know Robert cant. Hey I'm just grateful that she didn't call me **GEORGE MICHAEL**! When I get "**GEORGE MICHAEL" **I don't want to leave the room I want to leave the country! **GEORGE MICHAEL=**impending bodily harm!

You know Moms really are a mixed blessing. They love us unconditionally and would do anything to make us happy. I know this for a fact. However, at the same time my mom can be a royal pain in my ass when she wants to be.

Mom will get over it in time. She always does. The important thing is I have truly found my almost perfect life. I wasn't sure if it would ever happen. Now that it did I realize what a gift and blessing Mary is in my life! I don't know how I ever got along without her. I can't imagine having to ever go back to life without her.


	2. Chapter 2

June 21, 1965

Today has been a complete blur. I keep trying to scrunch my eyes and open them again in hopes that maybe this has all been a freaky nightmare.

It's not a nightmare but my twisted and fucked up reality. Right now I feel like someone had taken a huge knife and violently stabbed me right in the heart! At this point, I almost wish that were a literal statement. Then I could just die now and escape this burning pain in my heart. I could be with Dad again and leave this fucking cold world behind.

Right now, I envy my Dad. He doesn't have to deal with the bitter injustice on this earth. I wish I could be where he is now. Of course I really can't do that, can I? Everyone knows that if you willingly take your own life you don't go to heaven. So, what would be the point? We wouldn't even be together. Well that fucking sucks!

I didn't see this coming. I feel so stupid that I never picked up on all the signals that were hitting me over the head. I choose not to face it and now here I am.

Mom was right from the beginning. I hate that shit! I got so angry every time she glared at me or twisted her face in contempt. I certainly wasn't about to listen to her. I fought her all the way and she was only trying to prevent something like this from happening. I'm not looking forward to facing Mom and admitting she was right. I so deserve an "I told you so." However, I so don't want to hear it right about now.

Looking back on the twisted fucked up mess, I probably should have known everything was all wrong about a month ago. Mary aka the backstabbing the bitch, was giving me clear signals that I choose to ignore!

It all started with her good fiend Shane. Shane? Yes, his name was fucking Shane! I should have known a man named Shane could not be trusted. He lives in New York but came for "a visit." I hated him the second we met! The pompous fucker thought he was the shit because he lives in New York. I could tell he saw me as the dumb California kid from the show biz family. Yeah well, I thought he was a pompous fucker from New York.

The minute Shane came to town Mary was totally preoccupied with him and had no time to deal with me. I can't even believe how stupid I was! Well, fucking Duh, Micky! I'd call her and demand some attention. She kept saying that she was only trying to be a good hostess and show him a good time. Oh yeah, I bet she did! Oh but it gets better. SHE accused ME of being selfish! I needed to be more supportive and understanding. Apparently, it was selfish of me to expect her time and attention when she needed to play hostess.

At the same time, she did NOT consider it selfish to withdraw form a seventeen year old that had just lost his beloved father. Oh no, that was not at all selfish. Come to think of it, She later accused me of being selfish on that front too. In her mind it was selfish of me to expect her to support me after my father died. After all how could she possibly handle supporting grief of that magnitude? It's so fucking crazy that I can't even express it in clear words! I hate myself for not picking up on all blatantly obvious signs all along.

Even today started out like any other normal day. Well it was normal to a fucking idiot like me. I went to work and I came home like I normally do. On the way home I remember wondering if Mary would be able to find a few spare seconds for me. Would she be able to find any time to even talk to me on the phone? Would she be able to take time away from playing the perfect hostess role? I got home and debated calling her. I wasn't sure if I was in the mood for her bullshit! I didn't feel like being lectured I told I was insensitive.

As I was pondering to call or not to call, I noticed a sealed envelope by the door. I somehow had missed it when I first came in. I picked it up and noticed my name was printed very simply in Mary's plain handwriting. As soon as I saw that I got a chill and my blood ran cold. I could feel my heat pounding faster and faster. It felt like it might actually explode! I had a deep sinking feeling it wasn't good news. I sincerely doubted she took the time to write me a sappy love poem. My hands shook violently as I tried to open the envelope.

I was prepared to for bad news but I was not prepared for bad news of that magnitude. That was when I first felt the tip of the knife cut into my heart. Her note so eloquently informed me that during pompous fucker Shane's visit, an old pent-up love and passion came to the surface. She said that she "was sorry" and it was "an accident" She hoped I would understand. Oh yes, how insensitive of me! I assumed she was a backstabbing bitch! However, it was simply an accident. Yes, pardon my fucking anger and rage!

Oh but there is even more. Their love burned so bright that she split with him to New York City. She said that by the time I read this note she would be gone and I would never see her again. As I read that part the knife plunged deeper and deeper into my heart ripping it to shreds.

In the midst of all this bullshit, I actually need to get to the store. Wouldn't you know that today of all days, I realized I'm completely out of alcohol and other essential goods! BAD FUCKING TIMING! This is no time to be with out both for fuck sakes! I could have handled it if there were no food in the house. However, in my state of mind no alcohol AND no essential goods is unacceptable! So, I'm going to go stock up, numb my gaping stab wound until I pass out into a state a deep slumber.

July 4, 1965

Well, Happy fucking fourth of July! God Bless America! Of course they just showed footage of the fireworks in New York on the late news. I was ready to throw something at the fucking TV! I had vivid fantasies of an errant spark falling on Mary's head and igniting her back stabbing body!

Actually, I feel SLIGHTLY less melancholy. Then I have over the past couple of weeks. Don't get me wrong, I still feel like shit. However, I feel a little less like shit then I did when it first happened. I've had to slowly force myself back to the land of the living with the help of alcohol and chemicals along the way. I still have the proverbial stab wound. It is less raw than in the beginning but it is far from healed.

Well, I finally had the guts to face my family. I knew I could not avoid them forever. I wished I could have but I knew I couldn't. The longer I avoided it the worse I felt.

It's always a tradition in my family to spend fourth of July together and watch the fireworks, barbeque, and do all the other stereotypical patriotic things families do. OH JOY! I thought about making an excuse but I knew I couldn't avoid my family for the rest of my life as much as I wanted to do so.

Actually the real arm twister came from my five-year old Sister Gina. In my completely unbiased opinion she is the cutest and sweetest little angel on the face of the earth. She just has to look at me or say my name in her cute voice and it's all over! She can get me to do ANYTHING with that face. "Micky, will you drown yourself in the ocean?" "Why sure Munchkin, I'll do it now!" Unfortunately Gina is not a stupid kid. She knows this and uses it to her advantage. I suppose I can't blame her. Mom uses Gina to her advantage too. Recently she picked up on the ever so slight hint in my voice that I might bail for fourth of July. So what does she do? She puts Gina on the phone! Real slick mom! The next thing I heard was, "Micky, you're coming to Fourth of July right? You have to play with me! I miss you! I love you!" Talk yourself out of that Mr. Dolenz! So I knew then it was set in stone!

Now, that morning I was really worried about my appearance. I have hardly slept since it happened. Well, at least not without chemical intervention! My biggest concern was my red eyes! There was no way I was getting past mom with those red eyes! Ah, but that is why God created saline eye drops! After using almost a whole bottle, I figured I was safe.

When I arrived Gina came running as fast as she could and threw her little arms around me and screamed "**MICKY!**" at the top of her large little lungs. I figured that people three states away heard that someone named Micky had arrived. I knew at that moment that my stab wound was far from healed! Normally, Gina's little arms around me can take away all the worlds problems. However, even her beautiful blue eyes and innocent adoring face looking up at me couldn't erase the pain in my heart. I was not the slightest bit moved which really scared me. In fact I could feel my wound getting worse and my heart beginning to bleed again! I actually had to fake happiness to see her. I couldn't stand the thought of hurting her. I had to fight with every fiber of my being to make her feel like I was just as excited to see her as she was to see me.

The minute I walked in the house the FIRST words out of Mom's mouth were, "WHAT'S WRONG?" Yeah I know she's my mother and mothers know all! However, say Hello first for God sakes! I immediately turned my head toward the empty wall and said, "Hello Micky! It's so nice to see you! Happy Forth of July!" I knew I pissed her off slightly. However, not enough to get a Janelle death ray! Thank God for small miracles.

On a positive note, I have to say Mom was more understanding then I thought she would be. She really didn't give me any "I told you so!" I almost felt bad because I so deserved a swift kick in my sorry ass. Actually, she was very sweet patient and supportive. This led me to feel twice as guilty. First I felt bad because I deserved an ass kicking. Second, I felt bad that I assumed she would take pleasure in being right. As risk of sounding like a girl, I have to admit I was slightly touched when she came out and told me she took no pleasure in being right and seeing my heart ripped out.

I have to admit something. I ALMOST lost it after something Mom said to me. On second thought what so I care. No one is going to see this book. Well, except maybe after I'm dead. After that, what I do I care! I couldn't help almost loosing it. I told her "Ok, mom let me have it! You were right about Mary from the beginning! I should have listened to you but I didn't. Instead I fought you like a complete jerk!" Her response shocked me. "Believe me darlin' I take no pleasure in being right. You know that's the rough part about being a mother. When your kids are little you hurt when they hurt. Someone might hurt them on the playground or tease them. It breaks your heart! Then they grow up and for a time you convince yourself that it gets easier! Then something like this happens and you realize it doesn't matter if your child is six or twenty. It still breaks your heart. You still end up feeling an overwhelming sense of anger at that person for hurting your child! I know I annoy you sometimes but it's only because I love you so much." Then she took me into her arms and hugged me HARD! Ok, I admit it did feel good. Yes, I hung out there for a while. Yes, I told her I loved her back. No, I didn't resist it! Yes, I let her comfort me with words and gestures of love. I assure you I didn't cry! Of course that is only because to prevent tears, I held my breath so hard I almost passed out! Now, she cried which made it even harder for me not to cry!

I have to admit I began to feel an overwhelming sense of calm bordering on sedation. I have felt nothing but tension and stress since it happened. This was literally the first time I felt anything less than complete and total angst. I forgot what if felt like to feel relaxed. Even though I was feeling relaxed, I still couldn't get rid of my lingering feeling of guilt for not listening to Mom and getting angry at her. I very sedately said to her, "Mom, I'm still so sorry! I wish we could have avoided all of this!" "I know! I do too more than you could ever know. However, sometimes we simply can't. "Yes, but we COULD have avoided all of this if I had just stopped and listened to you." See sighed very deeply and said, "Please don't punish yourself over this darlin'. You've already been through enough. To be honest no one listens to their mothers all the time. Believe me I didn't and I almost always regretted it." That statement even made me laugh a little. That is something I absolutely positively haven't done since it happened. After a few minutes of calm restful silence I very sedately said, "Mom, I love you very much!" She hugged and pulled me in even tighter which I didn't even think was possible. "I know sweetie! I love you too! I know it doesn't feel like it now but I promise you it will be alright."

Yeah she had caused many an ass ache, but as far as moms go I'm really lucky. Actually, Mary's mom is a psycho. Now, that should have been a major clue.

I was also concerned about my sister, Coco, my best friend. We have been extremely close ever since we were little kids. There has been a bit of unspoken tension between us since Mary and I got back together. I knew she shared moms feeling even if she was less vocal about it. I did notice that we haven't felt as close as we once were. Honestly, I hate myself for letting a back stabbing bitch drive a wedge between us. She was always resentful of my relationship with my sister. Now that really should have been a sign to be that she really was a psycho bitch. Not only did I put up with her jealous fits, I allowed her to make negative comments about my entire family including my late father. What kind of person lets someone get away with insulting his family?

I had a long talk with my sister and we managed to talk and resolve all the unresolved tension. I felt guilt once again the she also didn't kick my ass for acting like such a fucking idiot. I was impressed by her anger and rage she expressed on my behalf. Now, that is what family loyalty is all about. She brazenly, said, "Yeah well that back stabbing little bitch better say a prayer she never runs into me. If she does, I will be forced to kick her sorry ass!" OK! Don't fuck with Coco!

During our long heart to heart chat, I came up with a revelation that I really want or need to move. I have weighed the pros and cons in my head. I know that moving is a gigantic pain in the ass. However, I simply have to do it! I can't handle waking up every single day to the same excruciatingly painful memories. Everywhere I look or turn there are memories of my once happy past.

I do need to get rid of this lingering and knowing feeling of severe malaise. I literally feel like I'm sleep walking through every day under a large thick mean black cloud. My stab wound is still lingering. I will say it's not as raw as it was but it still feels hot and inflamed at times. I so want to shake this awful nagging and sick like feeling. It feels like a constant wave of nausea. To make a long story short it really fucking sucks! My sister is her infinite wisdom brilliantly pointed out that I can't just hang out like this forever. Yeah, well no shit Coco! It royally sucks when your younger sister is right! It's even worse than mom being right! It goes against the rules of the universe! I'm the oldest! Therefore I must always be the voice of wisdom among my siblings! She gets seriously cocky when she is right! For some inexplicable reason, I love her anyway! I tried to explain to her that I know she's right but I can't seem to dig myself out of this awful hole. Her ever so compassionate response to my wallowing was to roll her eyes and look at me like she was thinking, "Get the fuck over yourself you stupid shithead!"

So, in order to drag myself out of this abyss of despair and darkness, I'm going to find myself a really cool new place. Coco is going to help me look. Her offering to help is her way of making sure I follow through. She's way to smart to allow me to just yes her to death!

So maybe there is hope for me in this cruel cold world. I guess maybe it is like the old saying, "The best revenge is living well." Maybe a nice new place will help me accomplish that. I have my doubts but we'll see. Life goes on weather we like it or not.


	3. Chapter 3

July 10, 1965

Well as Coco puts it, I'm finally on the road to recovery. The road to recovery? OH PLEASE! What am I kidney transplant patient? She has always been SUCH a drama queen! Of course she vehemently denies it when I point it out to her in my very annoying big brother fashion.

Ok I realize I made a promise to her that I was going to look for a new place instead of sit around and wallow. However, she called me up on July 5th and starts asking about plans. Huh? I had just spent an ENTIRE day at a family event. Everyone knows there is an unwritten law that a body needs AT LEAST twenty-four hours to recover from a family gathering. Now I think an ALL DAY gathering warrants a week of recovery but I won't split hairs. Man, she is Janelle's daughter! I actually thought a hand was going to come out of the phone and violently strangle me when I actually had to gall to point that out to her! I was hoping to piss her off enough so she would hang up on me and leave me the hell alone. Oh no, she was tenacious as ever. Oh yeah, totally Janelle's daughter!

I have a bit of a dilemma on my hands now. Man, I really hate dilemmas! I'm what you might call a "yeah whatever" kind of person. So a serious dilemma where a decision either way seriously impacts ones life does not work well for a "yeah whatever" kind of person!

Ok, here's the deal. We found the perfect place. It was so totally hip and perfect that my eyes nearly popped out of my head. It's on the beach. No seriously, right on the beach! It has a huge bay window that leads out to the biggest deck I have ever seen in my life. Oh and the view from the deck is to die for. I pictured several future very relaxed and very trippy moments I could have out there. The inside is huge and very wide open. It has two fairly decent sized bedrooms. My first thought was, "Why do I need two bedrooms?" At this point, I'm barely able to maintain activity in one bedroom!

One of the coolest features is a spiral staircase that leads up to the second bedroom. Coco went berserk over the stupid staircase. She just thought it was the hippest thing ever. I agreed with her at first but then had some serious doubts. Oh, how should I put this? It occurred to me that a spiral staircase could get extremely dicey when one is drunk or even worse very tripped out. I can't imagine trying to navigate that staircase in a very chemically altered state. I had images of literally busting my ass! I had even scarier visions of mom rushing to the emergency room and asking, "What happened?" "Well mom you know that spiral staircase I have? I was SERIOUSLY trippin' last night and I literally busted my ass!" Believe me the bodily harm she would inflict on me would be way worse than any initial injuries! Talk about as ass ache! I could dodge that bullet by sleeping in the downstairs bedroom. On the plus side it looked like it would be really fun to slide down when NOT chemically altered.

What would one guy do wandering around a large two bedroom apartment? The rent is actually fairly reasonable. Still, I feel like I can't justify it for one sad lonely guy like me.

Coco wanted me to take it in the worst way. I think her motivations were partly selfish . Deep down she wants to have a large place in waiting where she can come when Mom and Robert start to piss her off. She acted like it was purely sisterly concern. Sisterly concern, my ass! Every argument I came up with she refuted! I had a feeling she was going to pull a Janelle and nag me so bad that taking the place felt better than her nagging. Oh and when she seriously started to irritate me with that shit, I teased her by saying, "Ok Janelle!" Then she proceeded to hit me. Man she hits hard for a girl!

She did come up with an interesting idea. Yes I'm actually giving my younger sister credit for wisdom. SCARY SCARY SCARY! She suggested I could seek roommates. At first I literally and figuratively shuddered at the thought. After a while, the thought began to seriously grow on me. I mean I have always been an outgoing kind of person. Actually outgoing doesn't even begin to describe my social personality. I'm not sure there is even a word strong enough to describe my social personality. I really like or shall I say I need to have people around me. The honest to god truth is I really don't enjoy just hanging alone. In my past life I was always out with backstabbing bitch, Coco or others. Even then I'd come home to a quiet apartment and not know what to do. On rare occasions when I am at home alone, I talk back to the TV just to have someone/something to talk to! Of course my talking to the TV may also have to do to chemical alteration but that is a whole separate discussion altogether. So maybe having other guys to talk to at home might be just what I want or need. How fun would it be to always have someone to in the comfort of home? Hey we could hang out all night and get seriously get trippy in our jammies. Then we could all risk our necks on the staircase AND commiserate over our injuries. The more I'm writing the more I'm talking myself into this.

I'm also tempted to take it because we had an awful time before we found 1334 N. Beachwood. Some of the neighborhoods we ended up in were seriously scary! I mean **I** was scared! I figured if I a rugged, super tough, take charge guy like me was scared, my poor helpless sister must have been beside herself. The poor helpless thing must have been shaking in her cute little girlie boots. I kid you not the neighborhoods were so creepy that I really thought we might BOTH see Dad again after we were fatally shot! The first thing he would do was kick out asses for being so stupid and careless!

Well, after pages and pages of waffling and obsessing, I think I will take it! It's just to hip and cool to pass up. For the first time in a while, I'm actually looking forward to the future. Just days ago, I dreaded having to wake up every morning and face a dark fucked up, mean world! Now, I seriously can't wait to live in my new pad and bond with three new roommates who will hopefully become lifelong friends.


	4. Chapter 4

July 21, 1965

Today has been an appallingly long and royally fucked up day. Everything seemed so simple when I first decided to take this place. I had visions of finding three perfect roommates within a very short time. Then we would spend many happy and very trippy hours together. What have I been smoking? Never mind dumb question! I KNOW what I've been smoking. I could kick myself in the ass for being so naïve. Well when we put an ad in the paper it should have occurred to us that the wackjobs also read the paper and they need homes too. Well fucking duh Micky!

We had a colorful character today. Thank God Coco was with me. If I had been alone with that man, I think I would have run down to the beach and become a human ostrich. Yes, I'll admit I needed my younger sister to protect me. That really kind of sucks!

I knew before this guy even came that he might not be the ideal roommate. I spoke with him on the prior to his visit. Ok, his name was Lenny Wadsworth. COME ON! When I told Coco I had reservations based on his weirdo name she told me not to be judgmental. I called her "Janelle." She then hit me and my arm was sore for hours. I told you, don't fuck with Coco. I never seem to learn not to fuck with her OR mom!

When pretty boy Lenny showed up, he kept eyeing me in a really creepy way. He wouldn't stop staring at me and was smiling way too much. Ok, I'm a very friendly guy and I like to smile and laugh. However, this guy was more than just friendly, he was creepy! Oh, it got worse. I was suddenly hit with a scary revelation. I noticed he was fixated on me but completely ignoring my sister, the woman in the room. Then in my head I screamed "NOOOOOO…" This could only happen to me damn it! My imagination went wild! In my reeling mind I thought. He could be ax murderer! I had visions of him trying to kill me in my sleep if I failed to give him the attention he wanted and felt he deserved.

I was trying so hard to redirect all his weirdo remarks. I was also trying to defer to my sister hoping he would at least pay a bit of attention to her. I was having no luck and it was scaring me deeply.

I wish it had stopped at weird looks. However, it moved very quickly into weird comments. I had a feeling it would go in that direction. I actually began to pray to God and Dad to rescue me from this bizarre vortex of weirdness! All of a sudden he looked me right in the eye and said, "I love your hair!" OH GOD! I briefly glanced over at my sister to say, "Please God tell me she was talking to you!" She gave me a horrified glance back to say, " 'fraid not big brother he's talking to YOU!" OH SHIT! I choked out a meek, "Thank you!" Coco had the nerve to look at me like "well that was a moronic thing to say dumb shit!" Well, what the fuck was I supposed to say? "Oh yes thank you very much! I'm just so lucky to have a full head of moppy hair. Tell me do you have any tips on how to make it more shiny and manageable?" FUCK THAT! Excuse me but I'm really not used to getting compliments on my hair especially from a man not related to me! I almost lost my lunch when he took it further. "It is just so soft and luscious. I'm jealous!" Oh Dad help me! He then proceeded to lean forward like he wanted to touch my scalp! I'm kind of ashamed of myself but I used my own sister as a protective shield. I know that I'm usually a protective brother. However all my oldest child instincts went out the window. It was dog eat dog! I backed up and gently but firmly shoved her between Lenny and myself. Let him touch her hair! Actually she really does have nice naturally curly hair. She turned around and gave me a slightly less scary version of the Janelle death ray. I could stare it down but it was still scary!

He announced that he wanted to see the upstairs. I gently propelled Coco forward onto the staircase and gestured Lenny to follow behind HER. I trailed behind. It really creeped me out when he asked ME. The whole time he was there he kept saying "Micky" like my sister wasn't even there. Notice he didn't say "Can you guys show me upstairs?" He specifically said "MICKY, can you show me upstairs." The way he stressed my name was like he was saying, "Beat it Coco I want to be alone with your brother and his luscious hair!" I suddenly got a nasty chill when it occurred to me he might want to look at my ass going up the stairs! It's giving me a chill just writing about it! I mean it's not that my ass is not worth looking at! Oh, it is actually is very prime! However, the person who wants to admire my rather firm and rather appealing ass needs to be female, damn it! I knew Coco was gonna pummel me later. However, it was a consequence I had to accept. She gave me several looks that said, "When this is over, you are dead meat!" Facing a beating from my younger sister was worth it to prevent this guy from admiring my ass!

Well, FINALLY Lenny left. I managed to get out a very polite and businesslike "Yeah, we'll get back to you!" Luckily he stopped short of asking me out on a date. If he had it would have probably stopped my heart!

Of course my sister started cracking up once Lenny left. I swear to you she was practically doubled over laughing for like ten minutes. Her body was literally shaking from laughter. My only response was to yell "Shut up!" over and over. However, that made her laugh even harder! Finally she calmed down but it was short-lived. She looked at me with a totally serious face and said, "You know Micky you really do have rather luscious hair! I'm so jealous! Do you have any hair care tips to help me keep my hair shiny and manageable?" The only proper response to that comment was, "Shut the fuck up!" as I hurled a pillow at her. I believe that turned into some very childish rough housing on living room the floor. I knew that somewhere mom was getting chills due to the completely inappropriate behavior of her two oldest children! Of course that is what made it fun!

Oh what a crazy day it's been. Now, I'm just hanging out alone. I wish mom would let Coco stay here regularly until I find roommates. However, I wouldn't even have the guts to ask because I know the answer. She would never trust us together for long periods with no parental authority. Objectively, I thinks she is right. That is why I can't ask her.

I'm really worried now because I'm getting extremely frustrated. I so hate to admit this but all the issues we have had with roommates has opened up my stab wound a bit. It was healing so well for a while. I was beginning to laugh and look to the future in a happy way. Mom has even said that she has started seeing the old me coming back. Shit, I don't want to do this! I want to feel better for mom, Robert and Coco. They have been so supportive! I hate the thought of letting them down! Wow, this fucking sucks! I really don't want to be the kind of sad and depressing person that no one wants to be around. I shudder to think of my family sitting around saying, "We really love Micky but we just don't enjoy being around him anymore!" No, I can't do that to them! I have to somehow get through this!

Well tomorrow could be another adventure. Coco told me she spoke to a man on the phone who wants to stop by and look at the pad tomorrow. She said he had an interesting accent. Since I was still in a shitty mood about the events of the day I snapped "GREAT! So I won't even be able to understand his Mexican accent! Yeah,he'll make a perfect roommate!" Well since we ARE in California, I just assumed it was a Mexican accent she was talking about. She understandably got pissed at me and responded, "No shithead he had an English accent! Chill the fuck out!" OK! I couldn't say shit because I knew I really was being a pain in her ass! Yes, I apologized!

Well she did end up forgiving me. She then attempted to talk me into thinking positively. Perhaps his Lordship won't be too bad.


	5. Chapter 5

July 23, 1965

So, where did I leave off in the bizarre saga otherwise known as my life? I met the man with the interesting English accent that Coco talked to on the phone. Things went very well. We actually ended up hitting if off and he will be moving in shortly.

I think I'm still traumatized from Lenny. I found out that Coco wasn't going to be able to be there with me. I told her that I was kind of scared to face another guy alone. Do you know what she said, "Oh Micky, be a man!" What a complete smartass!

My soon to be new roommates name is Davy Jones. He is in fact from Manchester England. Now I did say that we ended up hitting it off. However, we had a slightly rough start to our relationship. I fully admit that was my fault. I accidentally insulted him the minute we met. I couldn't help myself. I spoke without thinking. Davy's most distinguishing feature is he is very short. I was seriously looking down on him. The thing is I'm not even super tall. I'm exactly six feet. Ok, I'll be blunt. This kid is a little runt. I didn't actually call him a runt to his face. I did however let something else slip related to his height.

Ok, I answered the door and practically had to look down to see poor Davy. Because of his height I thought he was much younger than I and I am twenty. I actually thought he might be under age. All I could think was that I so didn't need this shit. I thought this kid read the ad and came here without his parents' permission. I so did not want to be involved with any creepy crap. So brilliant Micky blurted out, "Look kid I appreciate you coming over. However, you must understand that I can't get involved with having a roommate that is a minor. Even if your parents agreed I can't get involved with this!" Well, Davy shot me a death ray that would have made mom proud. He responded through a clenched jaw and gritted teeth, "I'M 19! I'LL BE TWENTY IN DECEMBER!" OH SHIT! I was suddenly glad that Coco wasn't with me. She would never let me hear the end of it!

My intelligent response was "Oh aaa yeah well I mean I I I... Won't you come in Mr. Jones? My name is Micky Dolenz but my friends just call me Micky." I felt so uncomfortable my voice was cracking. I was doing some serious backpedaling. He slowly melted and we started get along.

The best part is I was able to learn some of the Queen's English. When I listened to some of the things Davy said I felt like he was speaking a foreign language.

It all started when I offered him some tea. I figured since I knew he was English, it would be the polite to offer him tea instead of coffee. I politely offered Davy some tea. He blurted out, "Have you got any biscuits?" Who the fuck eats biscuits in the afternoon? More importantly who has prepared biscuits in the oven waiting for guests? When I was a kid, we only ate biscuits for breakfast. Even then it was a treat if we got at eat biscuits. We had them Christmas morning or when our Grandparents came to visit.

So, did he think I had nothing better to do then hang out all afternoon baking? Truthfully I didn't even know how to respond. I thought for a moment then said, "Um, well actually I don't. I don't usually have biscuits in the house. Truthfully, I usually only eat biscuits on Christmas morning or on special occasions. This time he looked surprised at my response. "Really? Huh? I eat biscuits all the time. My favorite biscuits are chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin.

I was confused for a minute longer until suddenly our miscommunication dawned on me. Could he be talking about cookies? Grandma's biscuits are tasty but they never contained chocolate chips or oatmeal and raisins. I meekly said "Cookies?" Davy began to laugh and said, "Yeah biscuits!" We actually had a laugh over our shared foreign language.

Oh, but my English lessons didn't stop there. As I was making tea and scrounging for cookies Davy blurted out with his accent, "You'll have to forgive me. I'm feeling a bit under the weather. I have a bit of a Megrain but perhaps a nice chin wag over tea and biscuits will make me feel better!" WHAT? I had no idea what he was talking about. I didn't want to be rude and be like, "what the fuck are you talking about?" I noticed him massaging his temples. Then it hit me! OH! Translation, He had a Migraine and maybe a chat over tea and cookies will make him feel better.

As we were enjoying the COOKIES Davy blurted out, "Today I'm in the mood for something sweet. However, sometimes I also get craving for crisps. What flavor crisps do you buy?" What the fuck is a crisp? I just kind of blankly stared at him with my mouth open. Why only thought was Duh! He actually continued and I got even more confused. "Well, my favorite flavor is prawn cocktail. Roasted chicken is not too bad. At Christmas I like the special edition turkey and stuffing flavor." I couldn't take it anymore! I had to find a polite way to tell him I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. I meekly said, "Um Davy, I don't mean to be rude but honestly I have no idea what you are talking about! What the hell is a crisp?" He finally made me understand that he was talking about potato chips! OH! In the process, I also learned that chips are the Queen's English for French fries! OH! Ok, I can hack the Queens English.

There was one other thing that disturbed me out that dialogue. It occurred to me that some of the flavors he mentioned were seriously bizarre sounding! I couldn't help myself. I had to inquire. "Do you seriously eat turkey and stuffing CHIPS in England and what the hell is prawn? I don't mean to be rude but barf city!" I realized that I may have gone a little bit too far and hoped I hadn't offended him! Luckily it seems like the kids got a sense of humor. That is good because you need one to live with me! He responded without offense, "No man they are really good! My sister Hazel sends me care packages from time to time with my favorite foods from England. I'll write her and tell her to send those flavors. You can try 'em! I guarantee you'll love 'em!" I seriously doubted that but I wasn't about to push my luck.

Well, I can't wait for Davy to move in officially. We are going to be best of friends in no time I can just feel it. I'm a bit concerned though. If we had communication problem upon our first meeting, how will it work when we are tripped out? It's going to be interesting indeed.


	6. Chapter 6

July 30, 1965

Davy just moved in officially and it's already been a whirlwind adventure. I don't mean that as a bad thing per se. Adventures can be good and bad.

We had our first fight and our first serious male bonding in the same day. See what I mean? Serious whirlwind adventure.

Ok, the fight came first. I'll admit it was caused by a knee jerk reaction on my part. I should have thought before I acted but I didn't. Even now I can almost hear mom's voice saying, "You need to think before you act! Impulsive actions almost always make the situation worse!" Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Since I had off today Davy and I decided to go hang out at the beach. Man that boy is fast with girls! He's a total babe magnet! I've never seen anything like it. His presence on the beach was like the sirens song for the women on the beach. I myself am truly jealous. I will say this. He is a babe magnet. However, I can already tell that he far from a malicious womanizer. He really is a kind decent guy who just happens to like A LOT of women. Believe me there is a huge difference. Davy would never deliberately hurt a woman or lie to her for her own physical gain. I could see that clearly within minutes.

I'm not sure that being with a hopeless babe magnet was the best thing for a man nursing a healing but still existing romantic stab wound. Honest to God, I don't fault Davy but I spent a great deal of time hanging out on the blanket alone. Davy would hang for a bit, strike up a conversation with a striking babe and then be back later, much later. The cycle repeated itself several times during the day. I pretty much ended up reading and writing in this book. Let's face it you don't get much lamer than that. Yes, the boy with the healing but still ever-present stab wound was watching his new best friend pick up chicks while writing in his journal.

At one point Davy came back for a break from cruising chicks and hung out with me for a while. I had told Coco about Davy but she had not met him yet. She really wanted to come by and meet him. I told her we would most likely be on the beach later so she should stop by after her afternoon classes. Davy and I were just chit chatting when I spotted her way in the distance. She hadn't spotted us yet. I was just about to say "Hey look my sister is coming." Before I even got a chance Davy pointed in her direction and exclaimed, "WOW! That is a pretty one! What a figure on her especially the legs in that flowing cover up!" He was looking right at and comment on MY YOUNGER SISTER.

Ok, I admit anger overtook rational thought. I switched from Micky to psycho protective older brother. No one points and comments on my sister. God help me when my tiny sisters Debbie and Gina are finally old enough to start dating. God help the first man who points or comments at my little munchkins.

My heart sped up and my face turned bright red. I'm sure my blood pressure was close to stroke level at that point. Yes, I realize I could have rationally and calmly told Davy that I didn't like him commenting on my sister. FUCK THAT! It was too late! My anger had skipped the rational stage and went straight to your ass is grass stage.

Without saying a word I reached over and without warning and smacked the shit out of Davy. He actually fell slightly backwards in the sand. I remained silent and violently got up and stormed to the house. I turned around and gave Davy a death ray that even mom wouldn't have been able to stare down. I saw his expression. His mouth hung open and I could see he was thinking, "What the fuck just happened?"

Poor Coco! She was just spotted us and was about to wave hello when I clocked poor Davy and stormed up to the pad. She was just as bewildered as Davy by the bizarre turn of events. Later after several hours of sedation he did confess to me that he did try to ask Coco out but she refused him. Go Coco! I of course laughed for about an hour over that. I remember thinking "That's what you get for hitting on my sister shithead!"

I believe that as soon as Coco introduced herself to Davy he KNEW what he did to warrant my hand on his English playboy flesh. Much later, I laughed for about ten minutes when he told me his reaction when my sister introduced herself. "You're Coco? OH SHIT!" He actually wondered why she refused him? He said she just stared at him like, "What the hell is the matter with you dumbshit?" He asked her out immediately after that. Real slick Davy!.

They eventually made it back to the pad. I had calmed down slightly but was still irritated. I don't think Coco quite knew what to say or do. She hesitantly said in a "what the hell" voice, "Um hey Micky. Um are you feeling Ok?" I decided to lighten the mood by making a joke. Yes, that is totally my M.O. "Well at least you say hello before asking me what is wrong." That helped ease the tension a bit. Coco helped even more by saying "Oh so for once you're saying I'm NOT like mom! That's the nicest thing you have ever said to me!" We started cracking up and poor Davy was looking at us like, "What the hell?" He hasn't met mom yet. Oh he'll learn the Janelle jokes eventually.

Davy and I gave each other nonverbal nods that said "We're Ok but we'll verbally make up later!" I really didn't want to go through the whole thing in front of Coco. The three of us ended up having a great time hanging together. Davy and Coco ended up getting along really well as FRIENDS. Well, he damn well better keep it that way.

So, now for our bonding experience. Coco left and we verbally resolved our differences. I profusely apologized for clocking him one without warning. "Look man, I'm really sorry I just kind of reached out and smacked the shit out of you without warning. It should have CALMLY told you that it bothered me to hear you comment on my sister! I admit I get psychotic big brother when it comes to my sisters" "No man it's OK! Believe me I understand! I have three sisters too. I'd kick your ass too if the tables were turned! It just really sucks that your sister is so attractive with such an amazing figure!" "Don't push your luck little man!" So, if the situation was reversed and I unknowingly commented on one of his sisters he would have clocked me too.

In celebration, we decided to get trippy and mellow on the desk. That is when the bonding started. There is nothing like chemicals to induce bonding and bring out deep secrets. We really have a lot in common. Some of the things we discussed were actually kind of deep.

He also has three sisters and no brothers. However, his sisters are older and mine are younger. We got into a long, deep, and interesting discussion/debate about the different dynamics of the oldest son versus the youngest son. At least his sisters are all spaced normally. Mom was only 21 going on 22 when she had me and under 25 when she had Coco. So, she was still youngish when I was in high school. I was thirteen when Debbie was born and 15 when Gina was born. Can you imagine how embarrassing it was to be fifteen with a pregnant mother? To this day I have no idea why mom and dad did that! I must confess I am glad they did. I so love playing with and spoiling my little munchkins! Of course Gina loves me a bit more than Debbie. Debbie loves me but she doesn't come running and shout my name with joy when she sees me. Debbie never asks for me but if I happen to be in her presence I'm expected to play with her. In a way I feel more like their father than brother. Davy's older sister in only ten-year old her then him. That is normal spacing with four children.

I also found out that Davy's mother died when he was only fourteen. So we both lost one of our parents at a fairly early age. I have to admit I felt a lot better when he disclosed that he still isn't over the death of his mother. I know I'm still not over Dad. I even confessed to him that I still forget and try to call Dad on the phone.

We had a fascinating discussion about birth order and the loss of a parent. Davy was the youngest so everyone rushed to protect him through the loss. His sisters united in strength and rallied around him to help him. It's always assumed that the death is hardest on the youngest child. That is probably true. However, the oldest child is overlooked while everyone is rushing to protect the younger children. Davy said that his sisters never ever cried in front of him. He knew they did and could hear them crying in other rooms or parts of the house. However, they never lost control around him. He said he often noticed they would appear around him with puffy eyes and faces but never ever tears. I can relate to that because I never cried around mom and my sisters. I actually used to look forward to retiring to my room at night so I could be alone and release my tears by myself. That way I wouldn't upset anyone else that was already suffering. Not to sound over emotional or girl like but my pillow was often stained with tears.

I on the other hand had to take care of everyone including mom and Coco. Our main concern was Debbie and Gina since they were so tiny and wouldn't understand. Instead of dealing with my grief I was busy helping mom and Coco explain to them why Dad was never coming back. To this day, Gina still doesn't understand. She still asks me questions about Dad "living with God in heaven." She doesn't understand why living in heaven means he can't come and visit her. I mean people come to see her from other states. At times she literally does not get the difference. I understand that is only natural and of course we had to do everything for the babies. However, no one even took into account that Dad's death was so close to my eighteenth birthday. Weeks if not Days before Dads death, he and I had many long discussions about how we would celebrate my coming of age as he called it. Instead of celebrating with him my birthday came and went without him

Davy said that since his mother died his oldest sister Hazel has become more like a mother to him. She writes to him without fail every two weeks and calls him at least once a month. Unfortunately she has developed the universal mom nagging pattern that didn't exist before the death of their mother. We spent several hours debating that issue.

It's interesting because I haven't known him that long. Yet, last night I got seriously deep and told him things I've never told anyone except Coco. Come to think there were one or two things I said that even Coco might not know about me. I know it's crazy but even after a short time it feels like I have the brother I have always wanted.


	7. Chapter 7

August 1, 1965

Well, I have a classic case of insomnia. I've tried getting mellow. Davy and I have been mellowed out for several hours. Even that hasn't helped. I suspect Davy is upstairs with the same problem. Yes, I put him in the room upstairs. I figured let him bust his English playboy ass trying to navigate the spiral staircase when chemically altered.

The reason I suspect we both have insomnia is because it has been a long and really weird day for both of us. We had another guy come and look at the pad. All I can say is wackjob number two. His name was Dwight Taylor. I really want it to be four of us but it's not looking good at the moment. Davy has been the only normal one so far. As least Dwight didn't notice my soft luscious moppy hair. Thanks god for small miracles.

We actually both wanted Coco to be with us but she couldn't make it today. When I asked her she said, "Why do you two knuckleheads always need me. Suck it up! Be men!" Smartass strikes again! Davy really wanted Coco when I told him about Lenny. Now, I said that he is actually very kind with women and not a womanizer. However, he seriously KNOWS he's a babe magnet. I was slightly offended when I told him Lenny was trying to touch me all over. He gave a shocked, "YOU?" Even though I ONLY look at women it still semi insulted me that he thought I wasn't worthy enough for a gay guy to look at me. Oh, it gets better. He got all nervous over the Lenny saga and was like, "OH NO! We seriously need Coco! I mean if we get another gay guy I'm in serious trouble!" In other words, he couldn't believe that any man would give ME a second glance but any guy would be crazy not to want HIM. Oh please! I had to respond. "Oh so you are shocked that a gay guy would be attracted to me but YOU need MY sister to protect you because you are just too irresistible to both men AND women! Oh please Your Royal Highness!" In a strange way the little exchange with Davy made me feel kind of good. It meant that we really were becoming brothers because we were bickering like actual brothers.

Fortunately Dwight didn't pursue either one of us. Hah Davy! Actually he seemed like a regular strapping lad to me. At first Dwight seemed really hip and really cool. Davy and I kept looking at each other like "He's the one!" At first, we were laughing and hanging out like regular guys.

Dwight almost got a lesson in the Queens's English but I preëmpted it. Since he is American I offered him a choice of coffee OR tea. I think Davy was actually disappointed that he took coffee. Then Davy jumped in and says "Would you like some biscuits?" I quickly corrected him. "Cookies! Would you like some Cookies? This is America Davy!" Davy scrunched up his face but eventually smiled.

Here is where things started to go downhill. As I was making the coffee he blurted out, "By the way I like my coffee HOT!" He put great emphasis on HOT. I wanted to be like, "NO SHIT, its coffee!" Where the fuck did he think he was? Did he think I was a coffee bar guy that offered him a choice of hot or iced coffee? I'm going to make coffee hot damn it! I sort of shot Davy a look like, "What the hell?" I presented him HOT coffee with some serious steam. I almost said something smart or as Davy says something "cheeky" like, "Hot enough for ya pal?" Davy shot me a glance that said "Don't be cheeky Micky! We're too close to having a really cool roommate!" I was actually quite happy when I realized he already knew me well enough to anticipate my thoughts. I decided to behave myself for once. Mom would have been so proud.

Here is where things got REALLY scary. Dwight looked me right in the eye and said, "Hot coffee is essential!" I'm sitting there thinking, "again with the coffee! Shut the fuck up about the coffee!" Ok, this guy was actually starting to piss me off a bit! I wish that were the end of the deep hot coffee discussion. "You just never know when someone is going to really piss you off beyond recognition! It's very handy to be able to pour hot coffee on their wretched miserable pathetic heads! Warm coffee just isn't as effective. It really has to be piping hot to inflict the right amount of pain to punish the person for stepping out of line!" I instinctively backed up just in case I managed to inadvertently stepped out of line piss him off! I didn't want him poring coffee on my luscious moppy hair! At the same time Davy opened his mouth and let out a very scared sounding "OOOH…" His mouth just kind of hung open after that.

I wondered what I was supposed to say. How the fuck does you respond to that? Should I have been like, "Oh yeah man, there is nothing more satisfying than seriously scalding your mortal enemy!" Instead I let out a very intelligent, "Ah yeah." Davy meanwhile just stood frozen in his spot with his jaw hanging open. I made sure to stay a safe distance out of splattering range just in case.

I turns out the coffee incident was rather tame compared to subsequent remarks. I could tell that both Davy and I were thinking "COCO!" So Dwight finished his scalding hot coffee and turned to me and said, "Can I see your knives?" He said it casually like it was the most normal thing in the world. Davy still firmly planted in the same spot let out another, "OOOH…" I very meekly replied, "My knives?" He acted like that was a dumb question. My voice was beginning to crack. I hate to admit this but at that point, Coco wasn't gonna cut it. I wanted Mom! Yes, I'm twenty years old and I was so scared I wanted my mommy! I was never gonna let Davy know I actually seriously wanted my mommy. However, later he came out and admitted he wanted Hazel his oldest sister and other mommy. So, I owned up to wanting my real mommy. Even though nothing scares mom, I think even she would have been standing there trembling.

I was so shocked I just stood there like a total dipshit and Dwight got impatient and actually yelled at me. "Yes, your kitchen knives! You do have knives in your kitchen don't you? How do you cut things?" I stood there for a second more and then nervously said, "OH! aaa yeah I mean ahh of course… I really hate trying to cute through pesky frozen bread for toast to accompany my daily cup of scaling hot coffee! Don't you hate that?" Davy let out yet another profound "OOOH…" Yeah, he was a big help! I was doing all the work and he's just standing there going "OOOH..." Thank you so much, Your Highness!

I showed him the silverware drawer and he stared at it a minute or two like he was seriously fascinated. OH SHIT! MOMMY! Then he actually picked one up and started caressing it like it was a beautiful work of art! Ok, now I wanted Mom, Coco and Robert! Davy and I both stood motionless quaking in our boots literally.

Oh, it got even scarier. Dwight put the knife down and of course had to comment. "Well, Micky I must say your knives really are sub par! All I see are butter knives. Don't you have any steak knives?" Of course out came another "OOOH…" from His Royal Highness.

My mind was racing. I didn't know what to say. Secondly I was scared of saying or doing the wrong thing while this guy was caressing my kitchen knives! In my mind all I could think was "FUCK!" Since all Davy was capable of saying was "OOOH…" I knew that good old Micky would have to step up. It was the former oldest child scenario coming back to haunt me. Yes, step up and protect the others while being strong and denying your own fear. FUCKING TYPICAL! So I came up with "Ahh Ahh I'm really not a big steak eater. I prefer to eat tender rotisserie chicken that just falls right off the bone. You really don't need steak knives for that!" Well Dwight didn't like my ever so clever comment. "Well Micky weather or not you eat steak is beside the point!" OK! "Damn it Micky, you need to have steak knives in the house! How can you not be aware of that? It's a common household item!" He was seriously getting angry with me. I thought about saying I was sorry. However, I didn't want to piss him off in any way. After all he was still holding my butter knife. Sure steak knives are sharper but butter knives can cause some damage when the person knows how to use them. Later when Davy and I talked about the traumatic event we both realized we were praying to our dead parents! "HELP US!"

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse they did. Dwight blurted out, "Suppose someone really pissed you off Micky? What would you do?" He glared at me like he was waiting for an answer. Super assertive Davy let out another "OOOH…" I made a mental note to later kick his skinny British ass for making me do all the work. With my voice cracking I said, "Um well, I would tell them they really weren't being very nice!" "Well, Micky that is just fine for minor infractions. However, you need sharp knives in the event someone REALLY steps out of line. How can you think calm words are enough to punish someone who deliberately makes you mad? Welcome to the real world! Grow the fuck up! Ok, try words first but always have steak knives as a back up plan!"

Now we were so scared I honestly don't even remember how we finally got rid of Dwight. We obviously did but it was a blur. I was going on adrenalin and fear response. I do remember that as soon as they were gone Davy's first words were, "That's it! We're not doing this again without Coco! Yes, I admit I need a girl to protect me! Admitting that is the lesser of two evils then what we just went through!" "Oh yeah, we gotta have Coco! By the way thanks for backing up and making me do all the talking! Thanks for your loyalty Your Royal Highness!" "Hey! I'm sorry man. I wasn't trying to be disloyal. I was just scared shitless. I couldn't talk even if I had wanted to talk!" "YEAH YEAH YEAH!" I replied.

I decided to call Coco and inform her of her new mandatory assignment of bonding with us and the wackjobs. I think it was a mixed blessing because she was her usual smartass self. I tell her my traumatic story and she says, "That could only happen to you Micky!" "How was this my fault?" "I didn't say it was your fault! I just said this could only happen to you!" "You know you are lucky we are on the phone and not in person. Otherwise I might just have to kick your ass!" "OH PLEASE! I think you have it reversed big brother! On top of that you two knuckleheads need me around to protect you!" We went on for a few more minutes with our inside childish brother and sister teasing. Davy was looking at me like "What the hell?" He'll get used to us eventually.

Well, I think I'm finally ready to go to sleep now that I'm gotten that off my chest. Hopefully Davy has fallen asleep too. I hope I don't have weird dreams of being pursued by Dwight with a massive steak knife!


	8. Chapter 8

August 10, 1965

Well we now have a third roommate. So far he seems normal. I put him upstairs with Davy. Hey it WAS my house first. So, I figure it is only fair that I get to hold on to my own room the longest. I know we need a fourth roommate but I plan on savoring my own room as long as I can.

His name is Mike Nesmith and he is from Texas. I tried to use all the connections I could think of to find common ground in the beginning. So I of course had to drop in that Mom is from Austin. You know those fiery Texans. Actually I noticed him and Mom sound alike when they say certain words I could hear the strong similarity when he said "Come on" and "I don't…" I will be interesting when he and mom meet and end up talking. I think that Mike is also a fiery Texan. I don't know if I could handle two in the same room.

As I said, we deliberately planned it so Coco would be with us when Mike came to check out the pad. After Dwight, Davy and I were not about to face another wackjob on our own. Don't think she didn't take every opportunity to be mean to me/us. "I can't believe I have to hang out here because you two knuckleheads need me to protect you." That comment seriously wounded Davy's English playboy pride. He simply could not handle needing a girl around to protect him. "Oh no! That's not why we need to you here. We're not scared at all. We're actually really tough! We only want you so we can get a third opinion. I mean it's a big decision after all." Now I know my sister and I know she wasn't buying that shit! That is why I never even tried to tell her otherwise. I looked at Davy and was like, "Give it up man! Unfortunately she knows that is total bullshit! So let's just suck it up and admit we DO need her to protect us and be done with it!" I figured we might as well just call a spade a spade. Davy let out a loud sigh of defeat and meekly said to her, "Don't tell anyone!" She is so mean she decided to really mess with him! "Actually Davy after this guy comes I'm gonna run down to the beach and tell ALL the pretty girls that I just got through protecting Davy Jones from all the mean bullies!" It cracked me up because Davy doesn't know Coco's serious sarcastic sense of humor yet. I think for a minute he actually thought she was serious and I have never seen such panic in a person's eyes. I'm so used to her that I never take her seriously except when she beats me up and then I know she wants to be taken seriously. I had to set the poor man straight, "DAVY! She's just messing with you!" I've never heard a more pronounced sigh of relief. He looked like a patient whose doctor just told him he had in fact made a mistake and he did NOT have a terminal disease.

I was at the time very shocked and bewildered by the way Coco acted when Mike came to look at the pad. Now normally she's extremely confident, well spoken and will say exactly what needs to be said. Oh, she is so Janelle's daughter! However, when Mike was here her personality changed. All I could think was, "Who are you and what have you done with my sister?"

It was really kind of freaky. As soon as I let Mike in her personality changed. First she confidently stepped forward in a very confident Janelle like fashion. However, the second she actually saw Mike she started babbling, stuttering and didn't even make sense. At one point she actually started to giggle. Ok, this girl has never giggled in her life. She thinks she is too cool and above giggling.

I was making introductions. I was about to introduce her and she practically knocked me over and threw out her arm at Mike, "um um Hi I'm Micky's sister…" She began to stutter again and there was this long pause. Then it hit me. I remember thinking, "OH SHIT! Is she actually forgetting her own name?" I seriously think she forgot her own name! Being a protective older brother I got ready to jump in and bail out my poor little sister. Well her memory preceded my rescue attempt. After what seemed like forever she came out with "…Gemma" GEMMA? She used her real name! Ok, now she was really messing with my head! NO ONE EVER calls her Gemma. Well except for mom when she's livid and then it's **GEMMA MARIE!" **Even that's rare because I piss off mom more than she does so I get GEORGE MICHAEL much more. I seriously don't think I have ever called her Gemma in my entire life. Well that's probably because objectively it's a really ugly name but that's a separate discussion. Dad gave her that nickname before she could even talk! I'm not sure but I think it was because she had Coco colored hair when she was a baby but I'm not positive. The woman was seriously messing with my head! Davy gave me a look like, "WAIT! She told me her name was Coco." In the meantime I was afraid that Mike would think I was a dipshit because I was looking at Davy with a seriously confused look on my face when my sister introduced herself. I had to resist the ever so strong urge to be like, "No, her name is Coco DAMN IT!" I didn't because she shot me a Janelle like death ray that said, "YOU SPEAK UP, YOU DIE!" OK! Don't fuck with Gemma Marie!

So she kept babbling and her face turned beet red every time Mike said one word to her or looked in her direction. So somehow we got on the subject of Texas again. She looks at ME and says, "Mom is from Texas." I just looked at her like, "Yeah no shit Gemma Marie! I think maybe I already knew that about my mother of over twenty years!" I was afraid Mike was thinking "What is this chick's damage?" I tried to dig her out. "Oh yeah, I think I already mentioned our mother grew up in Austin."

Oh it gets better. At one point I asked Mike if he wanted more coffee. I didn't even have half a butt cheek out of my chair when she flew up out of her chair and was like, "I'LL GET IT!" Then she proceeded to almost trip out of her own chair. Not only that she kept dropping things in the kitchen when she was making it. I'm sure she came very close to spilling the coffee and herself and burning her arm. I remember thinking that it is kind of ironic that she was here to protect us from a potential wackjob yet she was behaving like a total wackjob. Yeah man serious irony.

So after a while we decided we wanted Mike to move in with us. He said yes. The minute he did Coco said in an overly enthusiastic voice, "REALLY? WOW! THAT'S GREAT! I'M SO EXCITED!" Then she realized the extent of her ecstasy and back pedaled quite a bit, "Oh well I mean um well the boys have been having such a rough time finding another roommate. I mean it's really great FOR THEM! FOR THEM!" When I heard her backing up it finally dawned on me why she was being a wackjob. She has a massive crush on this guy! OH! Well that is just great. Girls are so complicated and emotional. I suddenly wished I had been given three brothers. I remember thinking that cute little Debbie and Gina are going to grow up and be just as complicated as their big sister. Oh the future headaches! The good news is Mike seemed totally oblivious to the fact that my sister had a massive crush on him. Yeah well unless he wants to be smacked like Davy he better keep it that way. Oh why didn't I have younger brothers?

When Mike left that day, I just had to give Coco shit. It was serious payback time. As soon as he was out the door I said, "May I ask you a question, what the fuck Gemma Marie?" "SHUT UP!" "Gladly but not until you answer my question?" "Oh well nothing! I mean it just occurred to me that Coco is such a stupid name! Dad gave it to me when I was a baby! Well I'm 18 years old now!". "Really, so you had this revelation about your nick name of seventeen and a half years today of all days?" "Yeah! You have a problem with that George?" Ok I was forced to kick her ass after that! She knows how much I hate my name. I love my Dad but I hate our name. This of course could only lead to more rough housing. Poor Davy was standing there thinking "NOT AGAIN!"

Once Mike moved in we had to celebrate by getting mellow and trippy on the deck. I've decided that is our new tradition of welcoming a new roommate and encouraging deep bonding. Well isn't that the point of getting mellow and trippy. So you're not official until we have gotten mellow and trippy together.

Davy tried to inject some of the Queen's English but I preëmpted him once again. Davy looked at Mike "Yes, while we're getting mellow on the deck we can have a nice chin wag and get to know each other especially since we will be sharing a room." Mike looked confused and he wasn't even altered yet. He looked at Davy and said, "Huh?" I just rolled my eyes and had to translate "While we are getting mellow on the deck he wants to have a CHAT with you especially since you two will be sharing a room." Don't mind him he's speaking the Queens English!" Davy then proceeded to flip me off.

We caught him up to speed on our previously mellow and trippy disclosed secrets. I figured it was only fair since Davy and I had already been through this ceremony before. We mentioned our families and our beloved deceased parents.

Now here is where it got kind of interesting. I was talking about dad and I think I may have inadvertently injected some self-pity into my voice. Then Mike roughly snapped back at me, "Yeah well almost eighteen years with a really good and stable father is better than no father at all!" Davy and I just looked at each other like, "What the fuck do we do now?" I had no idea what to say. His words just kind of hung there amidst the thick cloud of smoke! The thing was I honestly didn't take any offense to being snapped at like that. I firmly believed that he did not snap at me personally. I think I just accidentally hit a major nerve. I assumed his father had not similar to my Dad. Gee, it took a lot to figure that one out. Real slick Micky! After what seemed like a long period of deafening silence, he very kindly apologized. Really there was no need because I held nothing against him. If anything I felt guilty for going on and on about my Dad when his was so rotten. Not to sound like a girl but it did make me see how lucky I am/was. On the negative side, it didn't help me miss Dad any less. There I was mellow, slightly trippy, and seriously missing Dad. Trust me that was not a good combination at all. I could tell Davy was in the same position missing his Mum. I was so glad I started the ball rolling with our dead parents.

I felt kind of bad but I was kind of hoping Mike would expand on that. I knew he was a bad father but I didn't exactly know what he did. That is something you can't ask. "So Mike tell us what did your father do to you to cause you to roughly snap at me like that? My theory is you can't start a story without finishing it, but that is just me. Davy and I both gave each other looks that said, "We're curious damn it!"

Finally after several deep inhalations, he did tell us that his father just split before he was even five-years old. It sounded like he hasn't seen him since. WOW! That is seriously deep! Not to sound over emotional but it kind of made me feel severely pissed off. All I could think of was someone leaving my sweet Debbie and Gina. Ok, I'll admit I just don't get it. How could anyone look at my sister's sweet faces and then turn around and walk away from them forever. I don't get how someone can leave their own child and live with that. I mean how does this fucker sleep at night? I get upset if I accidentally make Gina or Debbie cry over something trivial. I mean when I leave my baby sisters we always talk about all the games we are going to play the next time we are together. I feel this way and I'm only their brother not their father.

Well, I think that is enough deep material for one night. Well two down one to go. I guess I should enjoy having my own room for a bit longer. Then again I really don't like being alone. I'll probably like sharing a room. I'm not sure if my future roommate will like it. It might not be to fun for him when he's trying to sleep and I'm continuing to run my big fat mouth.


	9. Chapter 9

August 13, 1965

Well today we met wackjob number three. I'm wonder if I'll always have my own room. I'm really at a loss for words over this guy. After this guy and Dwight, I'm wondering if maybe I have an invisible sign around my neck that says, "Hi! My name is Micky Dolenz. I'm a wackjob lover. So if you are a wackjob please come hang with me. I truly welcome all your bullshit!"

Coco wasn't with us this time. We decided now that we had Mike we no longer needed a girl to protect us. I mean Mike is 6" 3'. Who's gonna fuck with him? I'm not too proud to admit I need a 6" 3' man to protect me.

When I called Coco to tell her, she seemed genuinely disappointed. Well, now that's a switch. In the past she's given me shit for always bugging her to come over here to help us. This time she did a complete three sixty. "Oh you have someone coming and you don't need me. Well you know Micky I was thinking maybe I should be there. Well, not to protect you per se. I mean you are my only big brother and I love you. I am interested in your life. I'm very concerned about your safety comfort and happiness." "No really it's fine. We've got Mike now. He's 6"3'. No one is gonna fuck with him. Seriously I'm Ok. I'll call you afterwards and let you know what happens." "Mike? Oh yes Mike. I totally forgot about him. I suppose he is big and strong enough to protect you guys!" OH SHIT! I finally realized what she was doing. She wanted any excuse to come and see Mike again. Yeah sisterly love and concern my ass! I stayed tough and she finally relented. However, I took a great deal of strength to talk down Janelle's daughter. Even after she relented, she said "Well Ok but if you change your mind you just let me know. I'm serious Micky. You know I love you and am always here for you. Even if it's last-minute, just call me and I'll drop everything." Oh, why wasn't I given brothers?

Well considering the nature of this wackjob, I'm so glad my sister or any respectable woman wasn't around to witness it. I think I actually might have fainted if Coco had witnessed the whole fucked up incident.

His name was Stephan Barrett. As with Dwight this guy seemed so perfect in the beginning. This guy seemed even better than Dwight did in the beginning. I liked him the minute I got off the phone with him. I've never hit it off with a person on the phone like that before. When I got off the phone with him I felt like I had talked to an old friend. That is the first thing I told the other guys. "This guy is it! I can feel it!" I went on and on about how awesome he sounded on the phone. I looked forward to many happy mellow and trippy hours we could have all tucked in at 3:00 am. Oh, I was really looking forward to this.

So this guy came and at first he lived up to all my expectations. I had an ever better feeling about him then Davy and I did when Dwight came. If figured he can't turn into a wackjob now right? Davy and Mike were very suspicious about our phone conversation. I was so excited by the phone call I was almost ready to invite him to move in right on the spot. I said ALMOST. As I am thinking through all this I can hear mom's voice lecturing me on my impulsive behavior. YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! I could see in Mike's eyes that he was thinking, "Get real Micky!"

I must admit when he first arrived I felt like a little kid who was having a friend over to play for the very first time. I suppose in a way that made me a potential wackjob. Well, no one is perfect. He agreed with everything I said and acted like we had absolutely everything in common. Looking back on it, I feel like the biggest jackass on the face of the planet for buying into his bullshit. This guy was totally manipulating me and I ate it up with a pretty little spoon! We even loved the same kind of soda! Oh come on Micky! Later Mike said he was tipped off by Stephan's early behavior. GREAT! So why was I such a dumb shit?

Oh but that was the tip of the iceberg believe me. So Stephan and I were having a blast when he suddenly said, "Hey do you mind if I go into the bathroom so I can slip into something more comfortable." Ok, I admit even I thought that was kind of a weird thing to say. However, I still wasn't willing to come down from my denial on cloud nine. I figured he just wanted to be comfy right? Nothing wrong with that right? My brain did not want to process the fact that I was wrong about this guy.

Well, I almost ended up introducing my two friends to Dad because the three of us almost died of massive heart attacks when he came out of the bathroom. I don't even know how to put this on paper. I guess I'll just write it. He walked out of the bathroom buck naked! No I MEAN buck naked! Our jaws dropped to the floor and the color drained from our happy faces. Davy let out a very loud "OOOH…" I was imagining "Dad, I'd like you to meet my friends Mike and Davy. We just died of massive heart attacks after we saw a nude guy in our living room! Don't ask!" He's not like mom. He wouldn't ask. Where do you think I got my "yeah whatever" personality from?

I wanted to be like, "What the fuck?" However, I was in such a state of shock I could get the words from my brain to my throat. I let out some weird sounds of my own. I didn't steal Davy's now trademark "OOOH…" Now I wasn't TRYING to look but the guy was standing right in front of us. Oh how do I put this? Well after a minute I couldn't help but get a detailed look at him. I have to admit I myself was deeply jealous. Later, I was comforted by the fact that Davy and Mike couldn't help but notice and were also deeply jealous. I wasn't that surprised to hear that from Davy but Mike? I mean he's 6" 3' for god sakes. Huh? Interesting! Ok, I'm gonna get my mind out of the gutter now with these highly impure thoughts!

So we just standing there mute when Stephan actually said "What's the problem fellas?" Finally Mike was the first one to get his voice back. "The problem? The problem is you are standing there naked! You do realize you are naked don't you?" Stephan brazenly replied "What? I do this all the time at home. Don't you guys ever find clothes confining?" The three of us violently shook our heads NO at the same time. "Oh come on guys lighten up! Don't you know anyone that likes to walk around nude?" This time I became fired up and my voice came back with a vengeance. I responded in a very rough and assertive voice "Yes actually I do. I know a girl who loves to go around nude! At times she really fights the culture of having to put on clothes!" Mike and Davy looked at each other like, "Who the fuck is he talking about?" "My sister loves to walk around nude. In fact she prefers to be nude!" I thought Davy and Mike were gonna pass out when I said that. So Stephan said "Cool! You see! Why are your buddies making such a fuss?" Now I was almost yelling, "The thing is she's five years old! When she does it its adorable. However you are a grown man Damn it! After a certain point in one's life it goes from being cute to royally fucked up!" Mike and Davy let out one of the loudest sighs of relief I have ever heard. I think they were really glad I wasn't talking about Coco! No, Coco stopped getting nude at least 10-15 years ago.

Stephan continued to argue with me. Finally Mike lost it and sort of scared Davy and I "Look shithead go put your clothes on NOW and get your skinny naked ass out of our house!" Lucky Stephan complied and went to the bathroom to get dressed. When he came out he actually said, "So, I'll wait to hear from you?" Mike looked like he was ready to rip this guy's head off his body and seriously yelled "BEAT IT SHITHEAD! IF YOU EVER COME BACK I'LL KICK YOUR SKINNY NAKED ASS SO HARD YOU'LL HAVE TO WEAR CLOTHES TO COVER THE MASSIVE BRUISE ON YOUR ASS!" Davy let out another "OOOH…" What a Devonshire clotted cream puff!

After a minute of adjusting we all said at the same time, "Did that just happen? Was that guy really naked in our living room?" Mike finally answered "Afraid so shotgun! Afraid so!" As a method of stress relief, we all just fell out laughing. Well it was either laughter or tears. Since we're guys we choose laughter. We then decided the only way to really relieve out stress was to get mellow on the deck.

I meant to call Coco and tell her what happened. However, in my very mellow state I totally forgot about her. A while later we heard the phone ring. Mike went into the house to answer it. I heard him say "Oh hi Gemma. How are you?" After a few minutes of small talk he said, "Micky its Gemma." As I took the phone I said to him "Her name is Coco damn it!" I couldn't help myself! I refuse to call her Gemma when Mike is around. I refuse to call her Gemma period! She of couldn't stop laughing when I told her about the naked guy in my living room. She actually had a nerve to tell her older brother, "OH MAN! Now I'm really sorry I wasn't there!" Then I had no choice but to exclaim "**GEMMA MARIE DOLENZ!"** Be still my ever beating heart!

Ok, it's time for me to attempt to sleep. I'm just happy to be in my room alone and not witnessing my roommate walking around the room nude.


	10. Chapter 10

August 20, 1965

Well we are finally a full house. I was seriously beginning to loose hope. I kept telling myself that there had to be normal people looking for housing in this area. However I was seriously beginning to have doubts. I was beginning to think that we were the only normal people on the face of the planet. It's pretty scary when I am on the list of seriously stable individuals. What is this world coming to?

Our new roommate's name is Peter Tork. We all liked him instantly the minute we met him. He just seemed like such a kind decent guy that could easily get along with anyone. When he came I knew we had already found our little group. I know I felt that way about Dwight and Stephan but somehow this was different. I'm not sure how but it felt different. This time all of us were on the same page and genuinely liked him instantly. I don't know there was something about this kid. It was like he spread good vibes and happiness the minute he came in the room. It was infectious. With him in the room you had no choice but to feel happy. Listen to you Micky! You sound so emotional and almost faggy. Ahh! I guess that is why God created journals. You can sound faggy in them once in a while without your friends finding out.

It was really sweet how he and Mike connected instantly. So much so that I almost considered putting Peter in with Mike instead. I thought better of it because I really don't want to share a room with Davy. Yeah I have come to love him like a brother but I don't think I would want to be in the same room with His Royal Babe Magnet. I know he would never be indecent if I were in the room. However you never know what I could accidentally walk in on. Be still my ever beatng heart. Anyway I digress.

Mike and Peter's personalities just meshed instantly. It was very sweet. There I go with "the s word" I hate that word. What is becoming of me? They are so different yet they sort of complimented each other. Mike is very take charge. I don't mean that in a bad way. He seems to like taking care of people. Peter is very sweet and likes being looked after and cared about. I could see in their interactions that they were subconsciously bonding without even realizing it. They managed to bond and connect without chemicals. That is not an easy thing to do believe me.

Come to think of it I also welcome a take charge guy in my life. Honestly I need a break from caretaking that comes from being the oldest. Being the oldest son is even worse. I have been worrying and taking care of others since Dad died. Actually it started even before he died. When he went away to film projects on location I had to help mom run the household along with any other shit I had going on in life. OK I'll stop now! To makes a long story short let someone else do the work for a change.

So once Peter moved in we had to do the traditional male bonding initiation ceremony. This time it really would be official. I pulled Mike and Davy aside and explained that I was a little concerned about inviting Peter to get mellow and trippy with us. He seemed so sweet and innocent. I thought he might be offended at the idea of being asked to get mellow and trippy with guys he didn't know that well. Mike eased my nerves by saying that looks can be deceiving. We can't let this tradition die.

Mike even took charge and informed Peter of our welcoming ritual. It turns out he was right. I was shocked at Peters reaction. He was most enthusiastic and bellowed "Really? Wow! That is a spectacular idea! Why didn't you guys suggest this sooner!" His enthusiasm reminded me of an over excited Labrador puppy. He was worse then Gina and Debbie when I suggest we play our favorite game of pretending to be Lions in the jungle! That is not easy to beat believe me. Mike gave me a smug look and I discreetly flipped him off. You know you are becoming brothers when you can flip each other off in gest! Despite what Mike said I was blown away by his enthusiasm! I was happy about it but blown away none the less. He made one final comment that I found sort of funny. He said "You know when you guys first showed me the deck the first thing that came to my mind was that it's the perfect spot to get seriously mellow and trippy!" Coco and I thought the exact same thing when she and I first came to see this place. I could not help responding back with equal if not greater enthusiasm "Hey yeah me too!"

It was an interesting experience. I have to tell you getting mellow actually makes Peter kind of take charge. It was an interesting transformation. We told him that the rules are the other have to catch the new guy up to speed on what we have discussed during our previous mellow and trippy bonding sessions. We started arguing about who was gonna go first. I thought it should be me since I was here first. Davy thought it should be him because he thinks he's Your Royal Highness. Mike of course wanted to take charge of the situation by going first.

So we were bickering as the chemicals were slowly sinking in. All of a sudden Peter yelled out "KNOCK IT OFF!" Well shit! Then he very assertively stated "Since I'm the new guy it's only right that I should choose the order of disclosure." We all agreed and looked at him like little kids that had just been busted for bickering on the playground. Peter responded to us like we were little kids that he just caught on the playground. "Ok Micky you are first." In my head I thought "YES! Hah Your Royal Highness"

I went into the whole thing about Dad's sudden death and being the oldest. I mentioned the weird spacing of my baby sisters. I mentioned my close relationship with Coco and my relationship with my stepfather. I got into my relationship with mom. I explained that I know she loves me/us more than life itself. However she can really bring on a serious ass ache. I finished up and Peter called on Mike.

Mike went into his father and how hard it was not having that a positive fatherly influence. He disclosed that he suspects that he might always take on the take charge fatherly role to compensate for not having a father to take care of him. WOW! This was really getting deep.

HRH went last. Ha! Ha! Of course he talked about his Mum and his relationship with his sister Hazel after his mums death. He disclosed that his fast pace with women might have to do with loosing his Mum so early. I didn't know if I could handle the increasing depth of our bonding.

When we were done Peter blurts out "Man you guys have serious issues!" The three of us just looked at him and did not know what to say. We recovered from our shock and I piped up "Yeah we'll what about you Mr. New Guy?" I was seriously mellow at that point and wanted to hear his "issues." HRH piped up and said "Yeah start talking!"

It turns out Peter was right! The three of us really do have issues. Peter just kind of started talking about how he was born in Washington DC and his family moved to Connecticut when his father got a job as an economics professor at the University of Connecticut.

He has two brothers and one sister. Davy and I were excited that he was one of four just like us. He is the youngest son like Davy. That is probably why he likes/needs to be taken care off. I remember feeling kind of jealous that he has brothers AND sisters. I was only given sisters to take care of and worry about for the rest of my life. Imagine having to deal with a house full of crazy women without an extra brother as an allie.

Peter was also part of the village music scene in New York. He was passionate about trying to break into the hip village music scene. At the time his Grandmother lived in New York and was very supportive of him. I think he even stayed with her for a while and they remain extremely close to this day.

When he was finished, I remember thinking "That's it!" I mean what about absent fathers, dead beloved parents, stepfathers, much younger baby sisters, loving but royal pain in the ass mothers! WOW! He was right. We really did have issues. SCARY!

I feel kind of bad but I didn't even tell Coco that we had a new guy coming. I just knew we didn't need her to protect us anymore. After the incident with Stephan I'm almost scared to piss off Mike. I also didn't want to deal with her transparent attempts to convince me she needs to be here when I knew she just wanted to see Mike again. I love her and of course I know that she really does care about my well-being. However I have been so stressed out with all the wackjobs that it was an added thing to deal with. I felt awful but it was just too much.

I feel worse because I think she was upset with me. I admit I didn't handle it well. We have since made up. We always do. However I shouldn't have hurt her like that. She has always been there for me. I was selfish to not want her around because I was so stressed out. I called her and I slipped it in casually which I'm sure pissed her off even more. We were just chit chatting and I kind of dropped it in. "Oh by the way, we have a fourth roommate." I was about to change the subject before she had a chance to get pissed off. However, Janelle's daughter wasn't taking that from me. As much as I hate to admit this she was right. I suddenly got a Janelle sounding **"WHAT?"** I could feel the that heat from the death ray I was sure she was giving me on the other side of the phone. I followed with an intelligent "Um yeah. " Next came the much deserved verbal assault "You know Micky if you don't need me around that is fine! However at least have the guts to tell me so. Don't insult me even more by trying to slip it in hoping I won't notice! I'm not stupid. Just who the fuck do you think you are talking to, Debbie or Gina?" OK! I had nothing to say because she was right. I swallowed hard and apologized. I even admitted I had acted like a total dipshit. It was painful but had to be done. Yes I told her I loved her and did not mean to hurt her. Finally we made up as we always do. I decided to also go for flattery "Look I went on and on to my new roommate about what a totally hip and cool sister I have. I told him I couldn't wait to for him to meet you. I know like everyone else he is just gonna love you!" "Oh please! You're forgiven Micky! Stop overcompensating!" From her tone I could tell we're fine and back to our usual immature and stupid brother sister teasing. I couldn't resist saying "Ok Janelle." "Just for that I'm gonna personally come over and kick your ass in front of the new roommate. Then he'll know that you're the kind of guy whose younger sister can beat him up!" We continued our childish teasing for a few more minutes.

Before we hung up I had to ask her a kind of deep question. "Coco can I ask you a deep question?" "Ah yeah I guess? Should I be sitting down for this? " "No smartass!" I said as I rolled my eyes. I continued " Well do you think I have issues?" With a totally serious voice she replied, "Well yeah!" I could also sense a hint of cheeky sarcasm. After a minute of two of silence she of course burst out laughing. Through hysterical laughter she managed to ask get out "What brought that up?" "Never mind. It's a long fucking story!" We continued with our childish teasing for a few more minutes. Finally I said "Listen I gotta go. I need to take some aspirin. I feel a very strong ass ache coming on." So that ended that.

I am having a lot of fun sharing a room with Peter. He is such as easy and fun guy to be share a room with. We have even gotten mellow by ourselves late at night in our room. I did have one final thought that occurred to me during one of our very late night/early morning mellow chats. Well it occurred to that he didn't seem to mind my hyperactive and chatty side. It also occurred to me that he really is such a gentle guy that he might not tell me if I was annoying him. I worried that he might be smiling on the outside while privately building up resentment inside. I wanted to make it clear to him that IF I was annoying him I want him to tell me. I wanted him to know that if he told me the truth I wouldn't get mad at him. I directly said "Look Peter you are such a good guy. I know that I can be overly hyper and enthusiastic at times! If at any time I start to really get on your nerves I seriously want you to tell me to 'shut the fuck up!' I will accept that and won't be seriously mad at you or anything like that." I was pleased with his response. "Thanks Micky. I promise I'll let you know." I was glad to get that off my chest.

On that note I should get some sleep myself. That is if I can stop reflecting on all my issues long enough for my brain to get some rest.


	11. Chapter 11

August 22, 1965

Today has been sort of a weird day. I had a few issues today that kind of threw me. I have to say I did have an issue with Peter. Well let me rephrase that. I should have had an issue with Peter but I didn't. I want to be mad at him. I feel I should be mad at him but the anger won't come. If I don't look him in the eye maybe I can show the anger I want to feel. Even that is a big maybe. I don't know but it seems like I just can't be mad at him. It's a combination of his innocent face and his loving personality. Oh here I go sounding faggy again. This kid is gonna make me start thinking like a girl. I can't let that happen. Coco would never let me hear the end of it.

The bottom line is he never does anything to be mean or to try to annoy you. Ok I'm generally a decent guy. However if someone is being stupid or I disagree with their bullshit I will deliberately do something to piss them off or make their lives uncomfortable. I mean I've never seriously hurt anyone. My revenge seeking behavior stops at mild to moderate discomfort. However with him he truly is so sweet and naïve that he is actually shocked and hurt by your anger. That makes it worse. I glared at him and his shocked and hurt expression literally almost broke my heart. It's like he's devastated that you are angry or upset with him. You cannot stay mad when you see that expression. I mean any man that could stare that one down does not have a heart.

So I took my friends to meet my family. Oh joy of joys! It wasn't so bad. I kind of wanted to get it over with. Mom has been making a fuss about meeting my new friends. I figured she was gonna keep bugging me until I actually planned something. She and Coco are planners. Dad was a relaxed "yeah whatever" type just like me. That aspect of his personality infuriated her and she doesn't like it that it got passed down to me. I decided to throw her a bone and agreed to a definite date and time.

Well it turns out the strong magnetic force of His Royal Babe magnet knows no bounds of age. He pulled in my baby sisters as soon as we arrived. In his defense he didn't have to do a thing. They both loved him the minute we arrived. It was kind of cute actually. They fought over who got to sit on his lap. In order to resolve the initial argument Debbie brilliantly pointed out that he has two legs and there are two of them. "Hey wait a minute. He's got two legs and there are two of us! We can share!" She said as she first pointed to herself then to Gina. It was actually really cute. She said it with such confidence like she was pointing out something really important. Yeah brilliant one Deb. I hadn't noticed my friend actually has two legs.

I sort of thought it was a good solution but it didn't last long. It was only about a minute later that they starting getting mad at each other because one was to far over on their designated leg. That kind of behavior is so predictable with little girls. They got seriously angry with each other. "Mom, she is over on my side!" "No I'm not! You're on my side!" Then one would actually physically shove the other one over. "Move over!" If I ever need a laugh I just have to picture the look on Davy's face as two little girls were having a kiddie cat fight on his lap! I figured that poor Davy might actually be sore in the groin area later on. Lucky for Davy, Mom got tired of their bullshit real quick. She laid down the law and insisted that they each take turns with a full lap.

I've never understood how kids that can't tell time can know when their turn is up. They are accurate too. I know that Gina can't tell time yet. Debbie probably can by now. Mom gave them each ten minutes. To the second, Gina was like, "Mom, her turn is up!" Sometimes when they changed over one would barely give the other one enough time to climb down before they tried to yank the other one off. Oh why wasn't I blessed with brothers?

I must admit as cute as it was I kind of felt like chopped liver. The one that wasn't sitting with Davy got designated to sit on my lap until their turn came around again. I was the back up lap. They squirmed on my lap buying time until their turn came around. NICE! I AM their only big brother. I was there in the hospital when they were born. I have been there to help Mom sit with them all night and nurse their fevers. I have been there to hug them after then have fallen and gotten hurt. Ingrates! Yeah screw big brother who loves us more than life itself for the guy we have only known for hours! I guess women are just born fickle. It actually got a twinge of pleasure later when I noticed Davy was getting as banged up as I was when we played the Lion in the Jungle game. Hah!

As if being designated chopped liver by my little munchkins wasn't enough Peter ratted me out to mom. I know he didn't mean it but it got me in trouble. I seriously wanted to be mad at him but it was impossible. I glared at him in anger. However, the look on his face in response to my angry glare was heartbreaking. I felt so weak. I was having an internal debate in my head "Come on! Be mad! He just ratted you out!" "No! I can't! Look at that sad face!" I felt like a girl having all these complex emotional arguments in my head.

For a while everything was perfect. Mom got along really well with all of my friends. She and Mike of course bonded over Texas. I was right two fiery Texans in the same room did get a little scary at times. I was also pleased because for the time being I had managed not to piss her off for a few solid hours. I was going for a record. Usually it takes me no time at all with a minor infraction. I was on a roll and very proud of myself. However unbeknownst to me things are about to change. Mom got all sappy and emotional about how much she loved my friends.

I was still sitting there being the back up lap for my fickle baby sisters. All of a sudden Peter blurts out with a totally innocent smile "Yeah things worked out really well for all of us!" Ok in my mind I agreed with that comment. We are really lucky that we all ended up together and get along so well. I gave him that. As you can probably guess he took it further. I should have known the day was going too well. Of course Peter had to elaborate. "Boy you should have seem some of the characters that came before me! I wasn't there but I heard the stories. I really couldn't get over the guy that played with knives! Oh and what about the guy that came out of the bathroom naked! Only in LA right." he said with an innocent smile. Coco and I both gasped at the same moment. I suspect we were both thinking the same thing. "FUCK!" We are so so so dead!" I actually had visions of her sending both of us to Dad. "Here we are! We've missed you! Mom killed us!"

I was deeply concerned because she lost the ability to speak. That is actually worse than yelling. I'd take yelling any day. If she yells then you get it over with once her vocal cords tire out. When she is too angry to speak you're in big trouble. It means she is so mad that she can't even shout your full name even if she wants to do so. She gave a death ray that was split between me and Coco. We would have loved to have left the room but we were paralyzed with fear. Finally her voice came back with a vengeance. "KNIVES? I' M SORRY DID YOU SAY THAT A MAN WHO PLAYS WITH KNIVES WAS IN YOUR HOUSE?" My voice was trembling but I meekly stuttered "Um Um yes mom!" Coco was so scared she could not even form words. She just violently shook his head. Gina was sitting on my lap awaiting her next turn with Davy. She too stiffened up and actually cuddled in to me for comfort. "THAT IS WHAT I THOUGHT I HEARD. HOWEVER IT SOUNDED SO RIDICULOUS I JUST HAD TO ASK. HERE IS A STUPID QUESTION FOR YOU. WHY WAS THERE A KNIFE OBSESSED MAN AND A NUDIST IN YOUR APARTMENT?"

I looked at Coco and she looked too paralyzed to speak. I knew as the older brother I would have to be the one to speak. I was just as scared as she was but as usual I had to swallow my fear to protect and care for everyone else. FUCKING TYPICAL. With a very shaky voice I managed to stutter "U well a a they a sort of a answered the a a ad." THE AD?" Ahh ahh yeah. We aaa placed in ad in the aaa paper for roommates It's really not that big of a deal!" As you can imagine she did not like that one bit. That is actually the understatement of decade. "ARE YOU CRAZY? WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU TWO THINKING PLACING AN AD IN THE PAPER? THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO FIND ROOMMATES."

I boldly said, "Ok Mom calm down!" I instantly regretted saying that. I never ever learn. Yeah it's true she did need to calm down. However when she reaches that level of anger she isn't exactly thinking clearly and she sees that statement as a sign of disrespect. I should have just let her yell and get it out of her system. When I said that Coco looked at me like "Well that was the wrong thing to say dumb shit!" Yeah well it was easy for her to say. I was doing all the work while she was sitting there trembling like a chicken. I made a mental not to kick her ass later for making me take the heat. It was her idea to put an ad in the paper.

I let mom get her anger out for another minute or do and then I decided to try a different approach. "Ok mom maybe it wasn't the smartest thing in the world to do." She gave me an angry look and I could tell she was thinking "No shit! That is why I'm yelling at you Jackass!" I continued with conviction "However lets look how well things worked out! You said yourself how much you like my friends. I mean that's the important thing right? Nothing bad happened. That's all that matters! I mean let's just leave the past in the past right?" I said with a cute innocent boyish smile that I knew she wouldn't be able to resist. It worked! I could see her softening. Even still she was trying so hard to fight it. Before the issue was resolved I felt compelled to mention, "By the way it was Coco's idea to put ad in the paper." Coco gave me a look like "Just you wait until we are alone together! Your ass is grass!" Mom immediately turned and glared at her. Coco responded in a very cry baby little girl voice "Yeah but mom he didn't have to listen to me! It's not like I held a gun to his head and forced him to put an ad in the paper!" I could see the very subtle signs of a tiny smile forming on moms face. I knew the worst was over. She rolled her eyes with a very small smile and said "What am I gonna with you two?" I had to tease her just a bit more. "Oh you love us!" I actually got a very tiny laugh. "Yes of course! For some inexplicable reason I do!" Finally we are all able to laugh about it.

Later that night Peter and I got seriously mellow once we were all tucked in our beds. He suddenly said "Look Micky I have to say again how sorry I am that I got your mom pissed off at you." I heard his voice and looked over at his face. I hate to admit this but it was heartbreaking he felt so awful. How could I be angry? I swear a person would have to have a heart of stone to be angry after seeing that sad face. "Oh it is OK Peter really it is. I promise I'm not mad at you. You didn't know. Besides I know how to handle my mom. I'm sure even without you I would have managed to do something else to piss her off by the end of the day." "Really?" he said with a very childlike grin. "Absolutely! You just sped up the inevitable." We both cracked up over that one. The sad thing is it's true. He made one final comment about Davy and his tiny admirers. "I bet Davy is gonna end up with a sore lap after having your sisters jumping on and off it for hours!" I couldn't resist making a pervy comment "Yeah but I'm sure Davy is used to having a sore groin area. However it's usually not caused by innocent LITTLE girls!" His response was "Huh?" Ok! I was not about to explain my little pervy innuendo! I just left it at "Never mind!" Finally we ended up mellow enough to transition into a nice sleep. Well at least the day ended on a calm note. I just have to accept the fact that I just can't ever really me mad at or stay mad at Peter! Oh Well.


	12. Chapter 12

August 31, 1965

Well it has been an interesting week or so. We have had many discussions that will have an impact on the future. It's kind of scary and exciting at the same time. All the excitement started a few days ago. It was late one night/early one morning when we were in the process of getting trippy and mellow on the deck. It's amazing how chemicals can relax the mind and bring out very creative desires and ideas. Once we were seriously mellow we started talking about music. We all seem to share a deep love and talent for music. I found it interesting that each one of us has some connection to performing in some way shape or form. You see what interesting dirt combined with facts comes out during mellow and trippy bonding. I didn't realize how much we were connected through a deep love and not to mention talent for music.

It turns out Mike is a gifted song writer. He has written several songs. He has written ballad poetry that he has later turned into songs. He has also preformed in night clubs in both LA and Texas. His mother got him a guitar for Christmas and he taught himself how to play. He has been playing since he was a young kid.

I had a similar experience with the drums. One year, Dad just decided I needed a drum set for Christmas. I'm not sure what made him think that drums just screamed my name that year. I remember Mom was horrified when she found out. She gave him a Janelle death ray along with a "What were you thinking?" lecture. I never heard his answer and I'm still curious. I also managed to teach myself. Mom thought I should have had lessons. However I didn't want that. I remember thinking that somehow some pain in the ass old teacher yelling at me would ruin the experience and make me hate the drums. I did manage to have enough discipline to learn on my own.

Even before the weird gift of drums music just sort of existed in our house. I remember when we were really little Coco and I used to try to sing songs for our grandparents and other visitors. Sometimes we got over excited and inflicted ourselves on our parent's friends. We never wrote any songs but we found plenty of songs to sing together. We also used to keep the music to a popular children's song and make up really weirdo lyrics. We somehow thought we were really cool when we did that. Looking back on it through adult eyes, I can honestly say we thought we were hot shit but we were definitely were far from it. Actually I have to say in my unbiased opinion that Coco has always had a naturally beautiful voice. I like the fact that it's pure and beautiful without any training. Like me with the drums she didn't need some old battle-ax telling her she needed to practice all fucking day long. I know this seems like a mean thing to say but so far it seems like Debbie and Gina are the only ones in the family with zero performing talent. I mean Mom and Dad were both actors. Coco and I sang together. I think Mom even had her own small radio show in Texas when she was young. I said they have no performing talent. That doesn't mean that they don't have or won't develop talents in other areas. Right now they make up for it in the cuteness department.

Davy sang and danced on both the London and Broadway stage. I have to say the kid can dance. He's got a lot of rhythm for a short white English boy. He's also not a bad singer either. He has tried to teach me to dance like him but has since given up. I have tried to learn while totally sober and unaltered and while mellow and trippy. I suck as a dancer in any state of consciousness.

Of course we already knew that Peter was part of the folk rock scene in New York. He disclosed that during his mellow and trippy initiation ceremony. After we were done whining about our issues and emotional problems, he brought out that information.

Once we were extremely mellow we commented on the fact that it's a coincidence that we all have some sort of musical talent. I mean really what are the odds? So we just kind of reflected on that for a while in our very mellow states. You know considering my state at the time I'm actually proud of myself that I can remember all this crap well enough to write it several days later. Well I guess there is no way of knowing if it really happened the way I write it. Interesting! Seriously, each of us has a unique talent related to music and/or performing. It is really kind of remarkable.

So after a while of calm mellow companionable silence, Peter broke the silence. With the enthusiasm of a child loose in a candy store, he loudly blurted out "Hey, I have a great idea." He paused for a moment with a huge child like grin. So the three of us looked at him like "And?" Finally after glaring at him I took action and said, "Would you care to expand that sir?" "Huh?" "Would you care to tell us this great idea of yours?" Mike followed with "Don't leave us hanging' my man!" Finally his child likes over exuberance came back and he filled in the blanks "We should form our very own band!" We all just kind of looked at him like he had completely lost his marbles. I started cracking up because I couldn't believe he was actually serious. I looked over at Peter with laughter induced tears in my eyes. I felt awful when I saw the expression on his face. He gave me such a hurt and pitiful look. I then said to myself "Oh shit! He was serious!" Finally Davy contained his boisterous laughter and exclaimed "You must be joking!" Now Peter looked like he was ready to cry. He became very angry that we were laughing at him. "No! I was not joking!" he said as he stood up and stormed inside and off to bed. The three of us just remained motionless. The unspoken tension hung in the air amidst the thick cloud of smoke. Mike finally broke the silence by saying "Well shit he was serious!" Truthfully none of us could believe he really meant that.

We decided we should just all go to bed and let Peter sleep off his comment. Maybe he would wake up in the morning and be like "I can't believe I said that." I mean who among us hasn't said something regrettable when mellow and trippy. I decided I needed to chill out for little before heading to bed. I didn't want to face Peter right away. I decided to be a coward and wait until Peter fell asleep. I bid

Mike and Davy goodnight and decided to mellow out a little bit longer before I ambled to bed. It was sort of strange after they went to bed I was left on the deck all alone. I've said before that I really don't enjoy being alone. In fact most of the time I hate it. However, this time it felt really different. I actually enjoyed my time hanging out alone. I've never felt calm and at peace while alone. I felt a weird inner calm that I have never felt before. Normally I would feel anxious until I went inside to be around other humans. Usually when I'm by myself my thoughts race like crazy even when I'm seriously mellow. Getting mellow usually calms my body but never ever my mind. Sometimes my racing lonely mind comes up with some really bizarre and scary thoughts. However this time it was a truly unique experience for me. For the very first time in my entire life my body AND mind was completely relaxed. It was a truly freaky. I have to admit I did enjoy the unprecedented period of extreme calm sedation. After enjoying it for a while I decided to finally amble on to bed.

When I first went into the bedroom I could see that Peter was asleep. Unfortunately that didn't last long. Trying to navigate a dark room while severely altered hardly ever ends well. I slammed my bad right leg into the wooden bedpost. Even with all the chemicals in my bloodstream it still hurt like hell. I instinctively let out a loud yelping "FUCK!" as I reached down to massage my throbbing extremity. I could hear Peter angrily stirring as I finally made it into my bed. I let out a sincerely contrite sounding "Sorry babe!" He angrily responded "WHATEVER!" and loudly turned his back to me in his bed! OK! I thought about trying to apologize for earlier but then I decided to let sleeping Peters lie! I just crawled into bed. Of course as soon as my head hit the pillow my quiet mind woke up and started racing with a vengeance. TYPICAL!

The next morning at breakfast things were kind of quiet. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to know if Peter made that comment as result of chemical alteration or he was serious. I was getting really irritated by the deafening silence at the table. As you know I don't take kindly to silence. He got defensive at first but he softened. It turns out her was serious. I could not believe it. I was sure it was the chemical talking last night NOT him.

He regained his childlike exuberance. My god the boy is worse than my baby sisters when he gets excited. SCARY! "Think about it guys! It makes perfect sense! We all share a love and talent for music! We have to do it! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Mike tried to take control by calmly saying, "Down Peter!" After making a very pensive face, he said "You know guys maybe we should sit down and actually discuss this!" "REALLY!" exclaimed an elated Peter. "Down Peter!" I suddenly wished I had dog biscuits in my pocket to calm Peter. I remember thinking that if he kept that shit up I may have to put milk bones on the grocery list.

We did sit down and have a serious discussion. After a while I must confess I started to get as excited as Peter. I was beginning to think Mike was ready to pick up Milk Bones for both of us. After careful discussion we realized we could pull this off and rather easily. We had all the elements to form a solid group. I'll even go so far as to say we have everything it takes to form a bitchin' group.

We even came up with a name for ourselves. Well every band needs a really cool name right? I mean we can't call ourselves the four guys. We brainstormed for a while but couldn't come up with anything that didn't sound really stupid.

After a while we decided to get mellow and trippy out of frustration. I figured maybe the chemicals would open up our minds and foster creativity. Eventually they did but it took some time for the chemicals to settle and do their thing. I was being smart or as Davy says cheeky.

I started joking around as the chemicals started to make me very giddy. I just started cracking myself up and talking shit. I kept coming up with really stupid and highly inappropriate names for the group. The others just laughed along with me because the chemicals were having same impact on their brains as well. I blurted out "Hey we could call ourselves the four dipshits or even better Micky and the dipshits!" Don't worry no one voted for the suggestions that came from my tripped out brain. For some reason the guys felt that maybe the name should be a little less vulgar. I think they might have a point. I can't see informing mom that we have formed a band called "Micky and the dipshits." I have a feeling she would be less than thrilled. I can't see her bragging to her friends about Micky and the dipshits. I conceded and said "Maybe you are right about the vulgarity. How about Micky and the wackjobs?"

Our true name came out of my trippy and immature bullshit. Finally Davy seemed to be getting sick of my stupid remarks and said, "Well aren't you a cheeky Monkey." For whatever reason, I found this to be utterly hilarious and starting cracking up. I kept saying over and over. "Hey! I'm a cheeky Monkey!" followed by hysterical laughter. It blossomed from there. In between crazed giggles I ran with it. "Well right back at ya slick. YOU are a cheeky Monkey." I was literally on the floor laughing. I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe. My trippy laughter was contagious because Davy eventually joined me and starting loosing it with a vengeance. We started fighting back and forth about which one of us is the cheeky Monkey. They other two caught the giddy bug and we all were literally rolling on the floor debating the cheeky monkey theory. Finally Mike said through tear induced laughter, "Hey, we all cheeky Monkeys! How about that. I'm a Monkey, you're a Monkey!" Then Peter cried out "Hey, we're the Monkeys!"

All of a sudden the laughter stopped and we just sat up on the floor crying and hyperventilating in recovery. After a period of pensive silence we shouted in unison "THAT'S IT! OH SHIT! THAT'S IT!" Then we stated dancing in a circle shouting "We're the Monkey's!" over and over. It reminded me of scene from Coco's all time favorite movie "My Fair Lady." It was like during the Rain in Spain scene when Eliza Doolittle FINALLY gets it! It was like "The Monkeys! By George we've got it!" It occurred to me that statement is even more accurate because if you wanna get technical I really am George! I went crazy and started singing a chorus of the rain in Spain in between shouting that we're the Monkey's. The guys thought I had lost it. However they would have understood if they had lived with Coco and her My Fair Lady obsession. She literally knows every line in the movie. Mom and Dad created a monster in Coco when they took us both to see the play on Broadway during a visit to New York. I will only admit in this journal that deep deep deep down I loved the play and the movie. However, no guy can actually openly tell people that kind of information.

We finally got tired from jumping around like wackjobs on speed. We began to rationally and calmly discuss our new identity. We ended up varying it just a little. During our crazy little romp Peter decided to write out on paper our new identity. I looked at the paper carefully and noticed he spelled it wrong. He wrote out "We're The Monkees!" I rolled my eyes and exclaimed "Oh Peter! You spelled it wrong!" I felt really bad because he looked so pitiful and humiliated. I was afraid he would cry but thank God he didn't. He just looked really sad.

Mike looked at the paper and got a pensive look on his face. The more we passed around the paper the more we kind of liked the idea of the misspelled form of the word. Mike piped up to help boost Peter's ego. "Hey wait a minute guys, I kind of like the name better like that!" Peter then got a huge elated grin on his face. We decided we are going to keep it as The Monkees. We decided that the name like that would sort of distinguish us from real primates.

Finally we all came crashing down after our crazy romp and the discovery of our new identity as The Monkees. I have to admit that is better than Micky and the dipshits! After a few more minutes of reciting that we are in fact The Monkees we all headed to bed. I fell asleep and had sweet dreams about my future as one of the Monkees


	13. Chapter 13

September 14, 1965

Today has been appallingly long and I am royally pissed. Something traumatic happened to Coco. By traumatic I mean emotionally traumatic. She was not physically hurt and will be fine eventually. Believe me if she were physically hurt, I would be in no condition to write in this book for a very long time.

Her boyfriend Brandon broke up with her. Part of me is surprised and part of me isn't. I actually never liked him but he did seem to treat her well and she seemed happy. Well since he is still alive, it stands to reason that he treated her well.

I never shared with her how much I didn't like him. I figured she put up with all my bullshit with Mary. It was worse with Mary because I actually let Mary drive a wedge between us. She didn't change or let him change our relationship. So I really felt like I couldn't say anything. Since she seemed happy and he treated her well at least around me I left it alone.

He is extremely pompous. He is a first year medical student. He always made it quite clear to me and everyone else that he was smarter and better looking than the rest of us. He felt that he could have any woman he wanted. Therefore, if he got tired of my sister he could find another woman with the snap of a finger. I mean who wouldn't want to be with a first year medical student? OH PLEASE! He thought that there were women waiting in the wings for my sister to get out of the picture. For some inexplicable reason, she didn't seem to mind his pomposity so I didn't share this opinion.

I knew she was going to some fancy party with Brandon. It sounded rather exclusive. I must admit I was a little jealous that he was taking her somewhere that nice. Don't get me wrong it's not that I don't think she deserves to go to such a nice party. Of course she deserves the best. However I kind of wished that I could take a girl to a party that nice. So I suppose I was more jealous of him them her.

Well a few times he made a point of letting me know just how nice the party was going to be. I put up with it for her. However in my mind I was thinking "Really pal? Well can you sing? Did you teach yourself how to play the drums? Can you play the guitar?" I behaved myself. Mom would have been very proud.

Well we played a gig that evening. We got home and were just hanging out on the deck about to get mellow. Given what was about to transpire it was a good thing we were hadn't actually lit up yet.

The phone rang and Peter went in to answer it. I heard a shocked sounding, "What?" "I can't understand you?" "What happened?" "Ok you have to calm down so I can understand you?" "Are you Ok?" Are you hurt?" "Well Thank God for that at least!" We perked up thinking something happened to someone in HIS family. We all became concerned for HIM. We sat in alarm hoping nothing was wrong for HIM.

Much to my utter horror I soon heard him call ME! OH SHIT! My blood ran cold. What the fuck did he want with me? I broke into a cold sweat. I could feel my throat tightening and I could barely breathe. I had to tell myself how to breathe. My thoughts raced. Mom? What if something awful had happened to her? What if I could never take back all the arguments we have had? What if I could never tell her how much I love her? Coco? No that is something I was not even prepared to handle at all. I couldn't even analyze scenarios because my brain couldn't even comprehend the fact that something could be wrong with her. God Forbid it were the babies. That would almost feel as devastating to me as losing a child of my own. I couldn't allow myself to think that something could happen to such sweet innocent children. Believe it or not, all this went through my head in the time it took for me to walk to the phone. Time was blurred for me. I had no idea how long it took me to get to the phone.

I could hear Peter talking to me as I made my way to the phone. I know my legs must have been moving but I couldn't feel them. I heard him say it was Coco on the phone. I actually had to lean on the counter for support. I kept thinking to myself "Ok Micky it's time to wake up now. The bad dream is over! Wake up because she is fine!" I felt a LITTLE bit better when I heard him say, "She's not hurt or anything! She's just REALLY upset about something. I'm not sure but I think it had something to do with the boyfriend." He said it with conviction. Ok that did help. I went from being crushed, devastated and terrified to being worried and pissed beyond belief on her behalf.

I talked to her and found out what happened to her. I'll put it to you this way I really hope I don't run into Brandon any time soon. I'm only twenty years old. I'm too young to go to prison. I took me a minute or two to even find out what was going on with her. I could tell it had to do with Brandon but couldn't get specifics because she was in hysterics at first and I could not understand her.

The fact the she was in hysterics concerned me deeply. She is far from an emotional cry baby. For her to be reduced to hysterics, I knew it had to be something serious. It takes a hell of a lot to reduce her to such a state.

Finally she was able to tell us exactly what the bumblefuck did. She said the fucker just left her at the fancy party. First of all, she didn't know anyone at the party. Second of all, he just left her there all alone with no one to talk to. She came out of the bathroom and she could not find him anywhere. She asked around and someone said they saw him leaving with someone else. I can't even imagine how humiliating that must have been for her.

I really didn't know what to say to her. I mean in reality everything will be fine. However, when I'm in a bad situation and people say "It will be alright!" I want to smack the shit out of them. I'm sorry seemed sort of lame but it would have to do for now. I of course had to go and get her. The poor thing was a party where she knew no one and had to call her brother late at night to come pick her up. FUCKING SUCKS. I let her cry hard for a few more minutes and then said, "Ok, just take a nice deep breath (I learned that from Mom. I hate to admit it but it totally works) and I'll come get you. It really fucking sucks that this happened. However you shouldn't feel bad about yourself for one second. He never deserved you! So try to relax and I'll be as quick as I can. I love you." Once she calmed down I felt comfortable hanging up the phone.

I of course then went to get her. I brought her back here because there was no way I was gonna let her be alone. At first Janelle's daughter tried to be all tough. Neither one of them can admit they need help. They can give help but they can't accept it. I told her that I was taking her home with me and she was staying with us tonight. Of course she wasn't gonna just agree. She said through now mild tears, "Oh no really Micky its fine. Just drop me off. I'll be Ok. It's late. As long as I'm out of the situation it's fine. I was just gonna get really mellow and go to bed." she said with her voice cracking. I had to lay down the law. "I have two words for you, "FUCK THAT! Do you really think I'm just gonna dump you curbside after you called me in hysterics. Have we just met?" "No, I appreciate it. I just need to go to sleep." Ok I had to nip that bullshit in the bud. "Ok I'm clearing this up right now. I'm driving. So you really don't have a choice where you go. You are going where I say Damn it!" I said in a light joking tone that might just make her laugh. I saw a very faint smile and the slightest hint of a laugh. "Thanks!" "Well duh! I'm not gonna just leave you alone weather you like it or not." "No, I meant for making me laugh." Ok I have to admit that got to me but only a bit.

The guys were all really understanding and patient with her. I knew they would be but it was still nice to see. I was so grateful because she needed all the support she could get. Man this guy better watch out. Now he has four people who want to do him serious bodily harm. I wonder if they would let us share a cell in prison. I mean at least then we would be able to play. I thought it was nice that the guys told her that she is their friend and they are here to help. However they also said that understood if she preferred to talk with just me alone. We did a little of both.

Peter was especially sweet to her. I know that is just the kind of guy he is. However, even with that in mind I was surprised at his compassion and anger on her behalf. I was a happy about it but it was a surprise nonetheless. He doesn't have an angry bone in his body but he was getting fired up on her behalf. It was a sight to behold. Getting mellow and trippy makes Peter more assertive to begin with. This was beyond his usual altered assertiveness. We were definitely mellow by the time she really opened up. During one part of the conversation he became rather irate. I let her decide if she wanted to talk about it in front of the guys or just with me.

I'm glad she also decided to talk about it with all of us. At one point, she was describing what happened. "Well apparently there was a woman there that he hadn't seen in a while. He wasn't expecting to see her there." I could already see where this was going. I think at the point we were all dreaming about Brandon having an "unfortunate accident." She continued, "As soon as he connected with her he ignored me. Of course she was a perfect woman who would drop any man's jaw!" She said as she rolled her eyes in disgust. All of a sudden Peter bellowed passionately and loudly "Excuse me Coco sorry to interrupt but that is **TOTAL BULLSHIT!"** I was so stunned I choked on my joint. I was considering doing Peter bodily harm. He just cursed out my sister during her hour of need. Lucky for him he explained before I had a chance to break every bone in his body. It's a good thing the chemicals severely slowed my reflexes. Otherwise I might have kicked his ass before he had a chance to finish. I remember thinking "Gee I really need to lunge at him and kick his ass." His reply changed my mind. "You are wrong about that! She was NOT the perfect women that would drop any man's jaw! YOU were the perfect women who could drop any man's jaw and don't you EVER forget that. She was just the stupid slut in the room." Ok, 123 awwww... No one knew what to say. First of all, it's was a surprise to see him get that pissed off even when mellow and trippy. Secondly he's never that outspoken on a women's behalf. He really sweet and caring but generally speaking he's shy around women. It's a very quiet and understated sweetness. Never in million years would I expect him to tell a women what she said was bullshit even if it were true.

Of course she was touched by his remark. After she got over her shock she finally regained the power of speech and said, "Oh Peter that is so sweet but..." "It's not sweet it's true and no buts..." Ok this was freaking me out now. Peter was messing with my head. Now he was interrupting a woman. I guess it's because he feels comfortable around her so it's different then a women that he met for the first time. Come to think of it he has always seemed comfortable around her. They got along well from the beginning. Maybe it's because she is my sister and he and I had already become good friends. It was a sight to behold and really rather freaky.

Oh and his generosity and concern didn't stop there. When I brought her home, it never even occurred to me where we were gonna put her. I wasn't thinking that far ahead. I just wanted to get her away from that situation and make her feel better. So I really didn't give a shit about the practical aspect at the time. When it got to be really late and she seemed to be feeling better; I thought to myself "Oh shit, where am I gonna put her?"

Peter came to the rescue when he saw she was feeling slightly better and we were all getting tired. "Coco please take my bed! I can't have you sleeping in the living room after what you have been through! You deserve a nice comfy bed. I could not sleep knowing I made a woman sleep in the living room, especially a woman as classy as you." Ok now he was beginning to make me look bad. She tried to argue with him but he wasn't giving in. "Oh no Peter! I can sleep here!" She seemed horrified at the idea of taking his bed. Neither one of them was willing to give in. I was watching to see which one of them would actually win. Peter was determined but my sister rarely loses an argument much like her mother. It's my cross to bear in life. "Look, it's better this way. If you want to have some quality time to talk to Micky about what happened you can. It works perfectly." She sighed deeply in defeat and said, "Ok if you are sure." WHOA! I couldn't believe Peter won. How come I can never win an argument with her? I reminded myself to ask him his strategy. Maybe just maybe I can actually win an argument with her someday.

Oh but it gets better. We got ready to head in the direction of bed. Peter cried out, **"WAIT!** Um before you go in, I just want to run in and make sure it's presentable." He said nervously. I didn't know how much more of this I could take. So he did just that. We had to hang out for a few minutes and wait while he tidied up. Notice I really didn't give a shit what my side of the room looked like. Mike and Davy were thinking, "To hell with you people we are going to bed."

Finally we made it to bed. I don't know and didn't care what time it was. Despite the ungodly hour we bonded for a little while. "Thank You for coming to pick me up tonight!" Ok, what did she think I was gonna do when she called me in hysterics? Did she think I was gonna tell her to just hail a cab and call me in the morning. Does she not know me? I had to tease her on that one. I sat up and looked over to her side and said, "Oh hi my name is Micky Dolenz. It's a pleasure to meet you!" "SHUT UP!" "Well what the fuck did you think I was gonna do make you walk home late at night?"

We did talk a little but about Brandon. I have to say she did give me more information then I needed or wanted. I was now able to tell her I thought he was a pompous bumblefuck. We trashed him for a while. Then she said, "It sucks though because there are still things I'm gonna miss about him even though he is a pompous bumblefuck." "Well of course, I mean that is only natural." I said in a very supportive voice "Yeah he was very um talented!" I'm ashamed to admit I did not get her innuendo. I guess I'm not used to thinking in those terms when it comes to my sister. I responded like a total dumbshit, "Oh great! So not only was he smart and good looking, he also had a talent for music." I folded my arms and rolled my eyes in jealousy. I'm sure she was thinking I was a total dipshit for not getting her innuendo. "No Micky! I wasn't talking about music!" she said in a mildly exasperated tone. There was a period of deafening silence if finally dawned on me **"OH!"** I winced and said, "OH MAN! That is so so so way more information then I needed thank you very much!" I said with a final shiver. "What? Don't tell me you're shocked? PLEASE!" I stuttered, "Well aaa no of course not. Come on you're my sister!" "And?" We continued our stupid and immature teasing for a few more minutes before physical and emotional exhaustion took over.

I woke up a few hours short hours later and noticed that she was not in bed. It didn't bother me at until I heard voices in the living room. I looked at the clock and it was a little after 8:00am. That is not an ungodly hour. However considering the amount of sleep we got last night, I was surprised. I decided to get up and peek out to see what was going on. I noticed Peter and Coco sitting at the kitchen table talking. She seemed to be feeling better and it sounded like he was being really sweet to her. Unfortunately I couldn't hear well enough to bother eavesdropping. I could tell by her expression and his tone that he was helping her. From a distance, I could see she was smiling. I'm glad of course but I didn't think she would be smiling so soon after such a traumatic event. He must really be helping her. I decided to go back to bed since I knew she was feeling better.

It has been a bad day. However it ended on a positive note. Remembering how she sounded on the phone I really did not expect her to recover this quickly. I'm so glad she has such a good friend like Peter. We all could use a friend like Peter.


	14. Chapter 14

September 21, 1965

I did not sleep well the other night. I spent a good amount of the time asking God why he only gave me sisters. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't taken my Dad so early. That left me in charge at the tender age of 17. It wasn't so bad when Dad was alive. We used to secretly complain about "the woman." I think I even got kind of mad at Dad too last night. I had a little one side chat with him too. "Thanks for leaving me with these women Damn it! You're in heaven but I still have to deal with their bullshit. Oh, sorry for the bad language Dad."

Actually I remember one of the last conversations Dad and I had about women. I think it was literally days before his death. I forget why but I was coming to him about women. I said, "Dad, I can't wait until I'm your age and I understand women!" His answer depresses to this day. He laughed and said "I hate to break it to you son but it never gets any easier! Here I am after nearly twenty years of marriage and four children and I still don't understand women!" I fear he was right it never gets an easier

I really miss him right about now. I could so use his help on what I'm now facing. I really can't even imagine what he would tell me to do. Sometimes when I miss him I can imagine what I think he would say to me. That is somewhat comforting. However in this case, I can't even imagine his advice. This royally sucks.

I think I have been putting off writing about the past event because I'm in denial. Usually writing about something helps me feel better. However every time I try and write this I relive the image. The image is tattooed in my brain and I fear it will never go away. I've tried everything. I even scrunch my eyes and it won't go away. Ok I think I will start at the beginning and work my way to the seriously bizarre ending. The ending that resulted in the image stuck in my brain. I fear that even chemicals can't even remove it. Oh I've tried getting mellow and trippy but sometimes that even intensifies it. Oh God help me.

It turns out that Coco has developed feeling for Peter. I'll rephrase that, they have feeling for each other. Of all the men and women on earth they had to pick each other. Yeah Peter is a really sweet guy. However there are a lot of sweet guys on this earth. Of course I think Coco is a great person. However there are a lot of great people on this earth.

I hate to admit this but I can kind of see how it happened. That doesn't mean I have to be happy about it. The thing about Peter is it would never in a million years occur to him to take advantage of any women in any state. Of course she had to be a girl and fall for him. Why couldn't she just think "Oh wow, he is such a sweet guy? I'm so lucky to have a FRIEND like him." No her heart has to totally take over her brain.

I should have seen this coming. Ok he had no ulterior motivates for helping her. He wasn't plotting to get her into his bed. However looking back on it, I think he has had a serious soft spot for her for a long time. Come to think of it, he felt comfortable with her as soon as they met. I should have known then that something would eventually happen. I talked myself into believing that it was just because she was my sister and he was already comfortable with me. Therefore he would feel comfortable with her by default. Oh how could I have been so blind? I think if Dad were here he'd say, "Wake up Micky! How could you not have seen this coming?" I think Dad would have predicted it. He is always asking me about her and asking when she is coming around again. He constantly remarks about her feisty personality in a happy way bordering on sappiness. What is my ass ache is his happiness. I still remember how well they hit if off when they first met at moms.

Ok so I'm slowly getting to the traumatic. Like I said, I had no idea that a full blown relationship was growing right in front of me. No one said anything. It was just sort of rapidly happening in front of me without my knowing about it. It's been building but dipshit Micky woke up one day and realized his sister and best friend were together in every sense of the word. OH GOD! It may be obvious where this story is going.

Mom asked me to help her out with the girls. She had conflicts that she couldn't work out. I know she hates to ask. She has to take care of the errands with Debbie while I was to pick up Gina and take her to the Doctor for her little checkup. I assumed this would take up my whole afternoon and early evening. I think Coco and Peter thought it would too.

Now I think it is abundantly clear what was Pete and Coco had up their sleeves. Oh, bad choice of words! I shudder. I should have known what was going down. AHH! That was an even worse choice of words. Oh, God help me. They both seemed really interested in my schedule. The night before Peter was like, "So you are helping your mom tomorrow right?" He said it like he was confirming an important business meeting. I thought that was really weird. I thought it was weird because my plans to help Mom didn't impact his life. Yeah, think again, Micky! He wasn't just making conversation. He was trying to plot his day around my absence. Gee where is this adventure headed? I can't imagine. "So that should take up most of your afternoon I imagine. You know how those Doctors make you wait forever. Do you think you will be eating dinner at your Mom's?" "Huh? I don't know. Since when are you so concerned about my schedule?" "Oh, aaa I'm not I I well you are my good friend and I'm interested in your comings and goings." He said as his face turned beet red. I just gave him a "What the fuck" stare back.

Now it should have occurred to me when my sister was pondering my schedule too. She made a point of calling me up to ask me about my plans. We talk almost daily so the phone call itself didn't bother me. However she kept asking me when I would be returning. Yeah we have a close relationship but not that close. I must have been in denial because I STILL didn't figure out why they BOTH cared intensely about my schedule.

Ok, I'm finally at the traumatic moment. I got home from my errands and went into the house. I ended up getting home much earlier then I had expected. I was looking forward to chilling out for the rest of the afternoon.

I noticed Coco's purse was on the table. I thought that was weird because she knew I would not be here all afternoon. It occurred to me that she could be at the beach. Sometimes she randomly goes with other people and happens to see us. I figured she must have run into the other guys and asked them if she could leave her purse up here. I mean they are all friends. Stupid Stupid Micky assumed he had to house to himself. Well he was sorely mistaken.

I figured I would get changed and go down to the beach and see what was going on. It is a decision I regret over and over. I really can't even think how to write what I saw. Once I do, I will get the image back vividly. Ok, let's just say my sister was not at the beach and neither was Peter. They were in the bedroom together. OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! I'll put it this way; they were together in every sense of the word! OH GOD! Oh, they weren't exactly reading Poetry together!

So Dipshit just casually opens to door. I thought I was going to just get changed and have a lovely time at the beach. First I gasped so hard I almost sprained my esophagus. Then I let out a scream so loud it could be heard in New York. I picked the absolute worst time to walk in. OH GOD! How am I supposed to even express this? OK, things had SERIOUSLY progressed. Even that is understatement. OH GOD! Ok, I'll just call a spade a spade. I saw my sister completely naked! No I mean completely naked! There were clothes strewn about all over the room. OH GOD! Oh this wasn't all quiet and reserved. I could tell by clothes EVERYWHERE, that they lacked impulse control. OH GOD! Now you can see why I can't even imagine what Dad would tell me to do about this.

For a second I stood there near respiratory failure. Then I backed up and began pacing the living room trying hard to breathe but not being very successful. It occurred to me no one had come out to confront me. Then it hit me why and I flipped out. They couldn't just get up and run out to me because of the stage they were in. OH GOD. It's not that easy to how should I put it, untangle oneself. I couldn't stay in living room waiting for them to untangle. I just took off and ran as fast as I could down to the beach. My thoughts raced as my legs moved as fast as I could carry them. It occurred to me that I hadn't seen Coco naked since she was younger than Debbie who is seven. OH GOD! Around that time, I could hear fading shouts of "MICKY WAIT! MICKY COME BACK!" Well it's nice to know they were able to finally drag themselves out of bed. I just kept running. I ran so hard my bad right leg was killing me. It was throbbing but my emotional issues took over my pain. I had to ice it later and I blamed Coco and Peter.

I need to stop now. I have so much more to write. The rest will come in a separate entry hopefully tomorrow. Right now, I am sitting her getting mellow by myself. It's late but I can't face Peter alone right about now especially in our room. I can barely face him with the others but at least then it's easy to distract myself and avoid looking at him. The absolute worst part is when I look at him all I can see is the back of my sister's head. OH GOD! Ok, I think it is safe to sneak into bed. Much more later...


	15. Chapter 15

September 25, 1965

Like I said, there is so much more to this story. I was too exhausted to finish up the other day. I have resolved my issues with Coco and Peter. I'm not saying I am thrilled about them being together. However I have to accept it. They are both too important to me. I have to force myself to accept it. That image will take a while to fade out of my mind. I don't think it will ever go away.

I left off with me running to the beach with the strength and speed of an Olympic athlete on a gold medal run. My leg was hurting but somehow the pain didn't seem to bother me. As I was running it never really occurred to me what I was going to do when I got to the beach. I bumped into Mike and Davy. My appearance startled them. I was out of breath and my face was red. I still really couldn't speak. Once I stopped running, I became aware of my leg hurting. I doubled over to gently rub it.

They came running up to me and asked me what was wrong. I said in an ever so articulate fashion, " I I I came home... AAA... He... She..." Davy and Mike looked at each other with alarm. I heard them say to each other, "OH NO! He found out. I guess Gina's Doctor's appointment went quicker than he thought." It hit me a ton of bricks. They knew what happened. In other words everyone knew what was going to happen but me! I was royally pissed off about this. I was pissed at all the key people in my life. I was mad at my sister. I was mad at Peter and the other two dipshits. I was mad at my father for not being here to help me sort this crap out. Then Mike had the nerve to say, "Oh babe, we were really counting on you having dinner at your Moms." It turns out my aching leg was a blessing. I was still rubbing it at that point. I think if both my hands were free I would have decked both of them hard.

The good news is it resuscitated my voice. "I have three words for you guys "What the fuck?" As soon as I said it I realized that was a bad choice of words given the current circumstances. I felt compelled add "Oh and pardon the pun." I took a deep breath and said "Let me get this straight everyone knew that Peter planned to sleep with my sister today EXCEPT me." I yelled. Davy seemed undaunted by my anger. "Yeah man why you think we are here at the beach and not in the house!" Mike gave him a killer death ray that would have made my mom proud. Since he is the voice of reason he said, "Look no one meant to upset you. We were just trying to prevent you from flipping out!" We talked about it for a while and we made up. I guess I could see their point. I still didn't like it. However I figured I shouldn't alienate all of my friends. I figured I was gonna need all the support I could get. I had to ask "Wait. Did Peter really kick you guys out so he could sleep with my sister?" Davy responded "Yeah and it really pisses me off! I mean she refused me! Then she goes for Peter? My world no longer makes sense anymore!" "Oh please! Who the fuck are you Your Royal Highness? I barked at him. "You acted like a dipshit the day you guys met and she knew it!" "What do you mean she knew it? I know she refused me but that doesn't mean that she thought I was dipshit!" "Really? Well she told me she thought you acted like a dipshit that day on the beach!" I kind of felt bad when I saw the look on Davy's face. However I only kind of felt bad because his ego royally pisses me off at times. He just kind of looked at me crushed until Mike said, "Give it up m'man! Be a graceful looser for once in your life! Think about it. You tried to hit on her even before you knew she was Micky's sister. Peter was just sweet to her. He first cared for her with no ulterior motives whatsoever. If you were a girl who the fuck would you choose?" Davy was so chomped he was at a loss for words. It was a welcome blessing.

Mike again being Mr. sensible said, "You do realize that you are gonna have to face them at some point. Maybe you should go up and talk to them." "Oh man, why did you have to bring that up? I was having fun trashing Davy!" Davy promptly flipped me off. Deep down I knew Mike was right. So I slowly dragged my poor aching right leg back to the house.

So we finally made it upstairs. I was kind of pissed because Peter and Coco were just kind of sitting at the table all calm having a soda and mellowing out like nothing had happened. NICE. I suppose they got tired of waiting for me to come back and decided to chill. I was horrified when I noticed. Coco's hair was still all messed up. In my head I thought, "You could've put a brush though your hair! How long would that take?" I was trying not to vomit at the smile of complete and utter elation on Peter's face! I was trying not to look at either one of them.

Of course Mike had to take charge and say, "Ahh Davy why don't we go upstairs and leave them alone to talk." I didn't want to talk; I wanted to sulk. I didn't want to confront it; I wanted to sulk in denial. I said "HOLD IT! Look its fine. There's really nothing to talk about! Let's just all chill out." I said all this without looking anywhere near Peter and Coco. I seriously couldn't handle that elated smile of Peters. I brought up all sorts of weird and very disturbing images and thoughts about my sister. I shudder.

For a little while everyone respected my wishes. We went out to the deck and got mellow. I looked straight ahead and not at the elated couple. I have to admit I was seriously sulking. I sat on the deck chair with my arms folded. I was not at all participating in the conversation. When I was forced to answer questions I used mono syllabic answers. Coco was trying to drag me back into the real world by asking," So how did everything go with Gina?" "Fine."

She finally got fed up with my bullshit. She and her mother have zero tolerance for my sulky bullshit. I hate to admit this but I really can't blame them. "Oh for God sakes Micky stop sulking!" she bellowed. "I'm not sulking!" I said acting less mature then Debbie and Gina. She insisted I was and we went back and forth with "Am not!" "Are too!" for a few minutes. There was some serious regression going on. I know somewhere Mom was getting chills due to our appalling behavior. Peter got tired of our bullshit and yelled "CHILDREN! KNOCK IT OFF!"

Janelle's daughter was not gonna let this go. "Ok Micky if you are not sulking then why don't you look at me?" GREAT! That was the last thing I wanted to do. However I wanted to be able to at least try and win an argument with her. I looked at her but didn't hold my gaze. Of course she was going to count that in her favor. "Oh well then I should just go. I mean if you can't even look at me there is no point in hanging out!" I think she was hoping I would beg her to stay and forgive her. She wanted, "Oh please Coco don't leave! I'm so sorry. Forgive me for being the worst big brother in the world! I love you!" FUCK THAT! I wasn't going to do that. **"FINE! **Oh but before you go you and Peter might want to check my day timer to plan your next little adventure. Only get it right next time." I got scared because she gave me a classic Janelle death ray before she turned to leave. I was feeling brave so I decided I needed to have the last word. I called after her, "You might want to comb your hair before you go out in public Gemma Marie!" Oh that was not smart. I should just let her leave quietly. Instead of leaving she whipped around really hard and scared the crap out of all us. I swear she was so mad at me she was giving Mom a run for her money. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?" Well shit I was gonna lose this one too! I couldn't speak because I was so scared and so were the others. My eloquent response was "AAA...". "YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK. I THINK YOU NEED TO GROW THE FUCK UP GEORGE MICHAEL!" Mercifully she stormed out after that and didn't come back. We all sat in silence for like five minutes. I think we're we all afraid she was gonna storm back in and seriously finish kicking my ass!

We all just sat in dead mellow silence for a while. I normally hate silence but for once I wasn't complaining. I felt absolutely miserable. I really hurt my sister. She had someone that I suspect had loved her from the beginning. Instead of acting happy for her, I acted like a total jerk. I also began to miss Dad terribly! I wanted to call him so bad and ask him what I should do. I wanted to ask him how I could take it back. I began to feel miserable knowing that if he were here he might have been severely disappointed in my behavior towards Coco. Not to sound like a girl but that kind of cut me a little. I began to hope that he hadn't seen my awful display! I didn't cry I swear. However part of me really wanted to at the thought I could have disappointed Dad.

Later, Peter and I were alone in the room. I tried to avoid him by waiting for him to fall asleep but he woke up. After I got in bed I iced my right leg. Peter was trying to make conversation. "Oh is your leg bothering you?" "Yeah I strained it when I went running down to beach earlier." I said as I glared at him. I thought he would give me a pitiful look back. However he stood up to me if meekly. He quietly said, "Well maybe you should have thought of that before you took off going 100 miles an hour!" My sister was rubbing off on him. Was I destined to never win an argument ever again?

As a peace offering I lit up a joint and tossed one to Peter. After he lit up he said in a very serious and love struck voice, "You know I really love her don't you?" I sighed deeply and as usual conceded defeat "I know Peter!" "I hope you realize that! I hope you know me well enough to know that I wouldn't have slept with her unless I really loved her. I really do Mick!" "I know babe! I'm sorry for being such a jerk!" "Well I have sisters too so I guess I get it! I didn't plan this you know. I have to say I have loved her from the minute I met her. I still remember the day I met her at your mom's!" Oh man he was turning me into a girl. I would never cry but I could feel tears backing up inside my sinus cavity.

To make things worse he had more to say. "Oh I so remember the day I met her. That was the same day I ratted you guys out to your Mom! At one point, I was alone with her in your mom's kitchen. I also apologized to her for getting both of you in trouble. She just looked at me with those beautiful eyes and hugged me. As soon as I felt those warm arms around me I knew she had my heart!" I didn't know how much more of this I could take. "It killed me to see her with that pompous bumblefuck Brandon. I knew he didn't love her like I did. Sure he didn't really mistreat her. However she deserved someone that loved her as much as I did! It broke my heart to see how much she hurt after her just abandoned her. However, at the same time I knew it was the right time to let her know how much I love her!" I couldn't stand it anymore. "PETER STOP! I swear I'm not mad but I can't take this anymore. If you don't stop I'm literally gonna start balling like a girl! I seriously don't want to do that!" We relieved the tension by cracking up instead.

The very next say I called Coco and begged her to come over and talk to me. She reluctantly agreed and came over. We spoke alone on the deck. I said I was sorry and seriously groveled. I knew that Dad may have been disappointed in my initial behavior. However, he would have loved my apology. He knew all about eloquent apologies after twenty years of being married to mom.

She began to soften. "Ok, I forgive you Micky. However let me ask you one question. Let's say I called you up and told you I met a new guy. I mean a new guy you had never met. Let's say I described him to be like Peter. You know sweet kind and loving! What would you say?" Before I answered I looked heavenward as if to say to Dad, "Here we go again. Yes, another victory for the women in our family!" "I would say that I'm so happy that you found a guy like that and you deserve absolutely nothing less!" "THANK YOU!" she said in her usual smartass tone. After a minute of silence she came back with, "I love you stupid dipshit!" "I love you too you gigantic pain my ass!" We then began our usual stupid immature brother and sister teasing.

The guys came back. They heard us laughing so they were brave enough to approach us. We eventually all chilled and got mellow together. Even though we made up I don't think Peter knew what to do. He just stood there eyeing Coco in a longing way but he was afraid to get too close to her. She gave him a longing look back to say "Well don't I even get a kiss?" I knew he was dying to kiss her but didn't know what to do. I couldn't take their pathetic longing looks anymore. "Oh for God sakes Peter go ahead and kiss her already! You are in public so try and be semi tasteful about it!" He got a look on his face like a kid on Christmas morning and bolted over to kiss her. Then he sort of backed up like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Oh for God sakes, you may sit by her! You may even touch her within reason." He happily plopped down next to her with the excitement of a Labrador puppy. I must say he did act like a perfect gentlemen.

I thought that right them all was well with the world. That is until HRH has to open his stupid royal trap. "WOW! This is something else. Who would have thought a girl could choose Peter over me!" he said with a huge sigh of defeat. I knew my sister was not gonna like that and would tell him so. Peter looked totally heartbroken. She looked Davy right in the eye and yelled at him, "Oh my God! Davy Jones you are the biggest ego maniac I have ever met in my life! Who the hell do you think you are? Do you seriously believe that no sane women would ever turn you down? OH PLEASE! I think you actually believe that. We'll let me disabuse you of that notion once and for all! You are NOT God's gift for women." Davy just turned pale and stared at her. He then opened his mouth and let out a profound, "OOOH…" His coloring made it look like he might just pass out. His lip was quivering! He gulped and meekly said, "AAA Sorry about that!" "Don't apologize to me. You need to apologize to Peter!" Davy looked over at me like "Is she fucking serious?" I shrugged my shoulders and looked back to say, "Oh yeah she is VERY fucking serious!" Davy reluctantly looked at Peter and said " OK, sorry Peter!" This was killing Davy and I was enjoying every minute of it. Mike laughed and said " 'fraid she is right about you shotgun!" Davy promptly flipped Mike off.

Well that was the happy ending to this crazy whirlwind adventure. I may never totally get comfortable with it but I can accept it. I hate to admit this but they are kind of cute together. I said kind of!


	16. Chapter 16

October 20, 1965

Ok, I'm gonna start off this entry with three words, I GIVE UP! Actually I got three better words for you, what the fuck? So at this point my life can be summed up by I give up and what the fuck?

I really do give up. I don't get it. It's so complicated and twisted. I can't think about it anymore. I have no energy left. I barely even have the energy to write about it.

It won't come as a big shock that all this angst revolves around a woman. I want to call Dad and ask him what the hell I'm supposed to do other then give up. No, he's not here. I can't help envy the fact that wherever he is he doesn't have to deal with stupid women. WOW! I really miss him so much.

This whole ridiculous story revolves around Margaret. She's a girl I met on the beach. She and her friends hung out there and we started talking. That happens all the time. That is what I like about hanging out at the beach. You get to meet new and interesting people every day.

I have to say it wasn't an instant attraction. In fact, she went after me before I went after her. I really didn't feel anything either way at first. She was just a nice girl I met. She was not stop traffic beautiful but the more I talked to her I saw she was a pretty girl. The prettiness kind of grew on me. It was understated.

I'm really not sure if I would have ever made a move for her on my own. However, she was extremely tenacious. She really went out of her way to come and talk to me. She usually dropped what ever she was doing to run and talk to me. I found it really flattering. WOW! All this fuss over little old me.

The first few times it kind of got on my nerves. I thought to myself, "Great! Here comes Margaret running down the beach to talk to me!" Then I got to kind of expect it. Even though I never went running to her I always enjoyed our conversations. She was a nice girl and very smart. She was a nurse and if I remember correctly had a graduate degree. Of course that made me wonder what she saw in a drummer/auto mechanic. She saw something because she clearly looked forward to seeing me every day.

I have to admit, I began to SLOWLY feel the same way. A person cannot help but feel good when someone is genuinely happy to see them. Sorry if I sound like a sappy girl but it is true. I'll even admit I felt disappointed on days when she wasn't there. I would get there and there would be no one running up to me.

After a time of having nice conversation as "friends" I decided I really should ask this girl out. Judging by her over exuberance on the beach I was pretty sure she wouldn't refuse me. When I asked her she seemed taken a back at first. I assumed that was what she wanted me to do. I mean why else did she seem to prefer my company to everyone else's? Maybe I think too highly of myself but I expected a quick "YES!" without a moment's hesitation. Now she did say yes but she put a lot of thought into it. It took her like five minutes to say yes. Even then it was like, "Oh well I suppose I could try going out with you." What was I a dress that she needed to try on for size? I thought that was really strange but I already asked her. It's not like I could take back my invitation. I was rather unsettled but what could I do? Surely if she were secretly an ax murderess, I probably would have picked up on that, right?

I tried to look on the bright side. I mean a nice girl had agreed to go out with me. Even if she had to consider it from all angles she still agreed. I was happy to have any date after putting up with Coco and Peter over the past few weeks. They try and hide it but I can't get used to the fact that they always seem glad when I will not be around for long periods. They have gotten better but no one could miss the subtle sign of happiness on their faces. As much as I hate to admit it I can't say I blame them. I mean it's very hard to do anything in the dorms where she is. I KNOW she wouldn't have the guts to try anything at Mom's. So what is left? Of all my friends she had to pick the one I share a room with. NICE!

The date was nice. No it really was! However there was something about this girl that was unsettling. We had a very nice conversation. I feel strange saying this but she was just too nice and good. I know how awful that sounds. I mean shouldn't a man want a nice girl? I mean I haven't heard anyone I know say "Hey you would love my girlfriend she is such a miserable bitch!" Would I tell mom I couldn't wait for her to meet this awful person I met? I should have been happy to be sitting with such a nice girl. She REALLY REALLY was a nice girl! No mother could dislike her. She is not a loathsome bitch like Mary was. For the life of me, I could not see her plunging the proverbial knife into a mans back OR heart. So, what the fuck was my problem? I really felt like a horrible person for feeling strange about her.

I almost had a heart attack when she told me she had NEVER been mellow or trippy. She also HATES swearing. The icing on the cake was that she is part of the local bible study group. This could ONLY happen to a one Micky Dolenz! Oh man, I needed my Dad! I so longed to call him when I got home and ask for his advice and support.

It's probably not a huge shocker when I say there was NO physical contact. Ok, I get not having sex on the first date. I'm not gonna say I haven't had sex on a first date. However, it's not a given and I respect the girls decision in that matter. I'm always pleasantly surprised if the he girl is up for it. However, I do except some minor flesh to flesh contact. I would even settle for a closed mouth kiss or at the absolutely least a peck on the cheek.

I tried to lean in carefully for some sort of kiss. I was a total gentleman and didn't lunge at her. However, it was perfectly clear what I was trying to accomplish. Well she recoiled as if I HAD totally lunged at her. I didn't even comment because I was almost too surprised to comment.

Since absolutely nothing happened, I was home earlier then expected. I love my sister but I was relieved not to see her purse. However, Peter still looked slightly unkempt. So I suspected I just missed her.

I felt really lame getting home so early. The guys were surprised to see me so early. Well I can't really blame them. I was torn about telling them. I had no choice. They clearly wondered why the hell I was home so early. Of course Davy was beyond shocked. Well duh! Yeah I'm sure NO contact on a date would scar him for life. That is another reason I was beyond relieved my sister had left. I mean the guys teased me. Oh man if she ever found out about this I would never hear the end of it.

Oh but this story get even better. Let's just say that the third date came and went. Ok, by them at least our lips had touched but that was about all. It got to be a serious problem. She would let me kiss her but if I tried to even hint that I wanted more she would recoil and give me this awful look like I had committed some awful crime.I had sort of had enough. I was getting really close to telling Margaret that this was bullshit. Well I was planning on being a little bit nicer but only a little bit. I got all psyched up and went to do it. I mean no break up is easy. I went to talk to her and had it all rehearsed. I had a bunch of lines in my head. I wasn't gonna come out and say that I'm a typical sex crazed guy and I couldn't handle it. Well she almost gave me a heart attack and sent me to see my father again. Before I could even get out "We have to talk!" she blurted out, "You know Micky I need a break. We should go away for the weekend?" OK! I could not believe it! She was graphically describing this really charming and romantic hotel. My head was absolutely spinning. I was THINKING "What the fuck!" I knew I couldn't say it because she doesn't like swearing. The way she was describing the hotel confirmed to me that she was FINALLY ready to share a bed with me.

Later the guys and Coco and I were hanging out. I casually worked it in to the conversation that Margaret and I are going away for the weekend. Peters face lit up like a Christmas tree. My sister didn't look all that disappointed either. I don"t even want to talk about the looks they were giving each other. NICE! Gee I feel so loved and wanted.

I ended up walking directly into a minefield of abuse. Stupid Stupid Micky flopped in the chair and said "FINALLY!" It got kind of quiet and I noticed everyone suddenly looked really pensive. Finally Coco looked at me with her "What the hell" face and said, "Finally what?" I thought to myself, "YOU JACKASS! YOU NEVER LEARN!" I tried to back peddle but it didn't work. "What? Oh ah ah ah nothing." There was more silence. However, I KNEW she wasn't going to drop this. "Oh please Micky tell me that this weekend isn't going to be your first time together!" I tried to vehemently deny it but like a dipshit I hesitated. "OH MY GOD!" she exclaimed Then she and the others started cracking up. Oh they had tears in their eyes from the laughter. "SHUT UP!" That only made it worse. I roughly hurled a pillow at her. That of course led to very childish rough housing right on the living room floor.

Ok, the next part is the part where I could have used my father's opinion. I'm not even sure what he would think. It's so weird I'm not sure what anyone would think. So I was eagerly anticipating the weekend. I couldn't believe it was finally happening. I was spending the weekend with a nice girl that I enjoyed talking to. It was about to get even better. Well at least that is what I thought.

So when we got to our room, I noticed there was only one bed. Well now that was even better. There was NO mistaking the purpose of this weekend. After a few seconds she sat down on the bed. Ok, that was a very clear signal that she was ready. So I went over to her. Honestly I really wanted to run to the bed but I knew I had to be a gentleman and walk briskly. She was still sitting upright but scooted over to make room. Clearly she wanted me there. I leaned in and kissed the hell out of her. I started of slowly but very rapidly increased the pace. I assumed that was exactly what she wanted.

Well actually that was NOT what she wanted. Before I knew she hit me right in the center of my chest. I went flying off the bed rolled over and landed HARD on my bad right leg. Since I didn't see it coming I didn't have enough time to avoid landing on my bad side. I was so shocked I wasn't even able to yell out in pain. Then she proceeded to scream at me. "MICKY DOLENZ! YOU AWFUL AWFUL MAN! HOW DARE MOVE ON ME LIKE THAT?"

The good news is her bullshit took my mind off my throbbing right leg. I couldn't even believe I was lying on the floor FULLY CLOTHED with an aching leg. I didn't scream or yell because I didn't even have the energy. By the way, my leg wasn't the only part of me that ached. Enough said! I just put on a "what the fuck" tone "Ok, you invite me away for a weekend to a hotel with ONE BED and you don't want me to make a move? Oh, and you think I'm an awful man? Well, let me tell you something if were an awful man, I would have broken up with you oh weeks ago! Under the circumstances I think I'm not only a very decent man but a fucking saint! Oh, I'm sorry does my language offend you? I completely forgot you hate swearing!" Then I kind of inched back on the floor out of reach in case she decided to get violent with me again.

Then she quickly got up from the bed but not to hit me again. She started to pack her things. Then she started crying that she wanted me to take her home. GREAT! Well it's not like I wanted to hang out with her but it was getting late and I really didn't feel like driving home now. I looked heavenward to feel some sort of support from my father. I told her that I could get my own room and we could drive home in the morning. I was also worried that driving would not be good for my leg. She was not willing to do any compromising. I figured it would have to be aspirin and ice. Maybe it was better that way. Maybe I would be better to fight through the pain just to get rid of her sorry ass.

As she was gathering up her things, I decided I needed to make a quick phone call. I knew I needed to warn Coco and Peter that I was coming home now. With what I had been through I seriously didn't need to face the two of them in a compromising position again. So I took a deep breath and called home. Oh man, Peter sounded out of breath. OK, I really am glad I called. Once he realized it was not an emergency and no one was hurt, he could not stop laughing. Of course he was going to hang up and tell my sister who was going to laugh even harder. Oh the abuse I was about to face. I wasn't even home yet and they found it funny. I might as well accept the fact that I was gonna be hearing about this for the rest of my natural born life.

I finally made it home. I must say the ride home was NOT filled with stimulating conversation. You know I hate silence. However this was better the actually discussing what happened. As painful as the deafening silence was to me, it was better then talking to the complete psycho sitting next to me. She wouldn't even look at me. She really and truly saw me at "an awful awful man." Ask me if I give a fuck? It's just scary what her definition of an awful man is. The truth is I think she could have done way worse then me. Seriously, I think most guys would have dumped her much sooner.

Yes, my friends did tease me mercilessly. However once they wiped the laughter induced tears out of their eyes, they were very supportive. The fact that I was limping and had to ice my leg got me some sympathy and support. I guess maybe a bad leg is good for something.

In a way, given her personality it shouldn't been a total shock. However, even they agreed that a room with one bed is a clear signal no matter what. I knew that but it was good to have validation. They all agreed that I'm NOT an awful awful man. Of course Coco felt compelled to add, "You may be a total dipshit and a royal pain in the ass but you are NOT an awful awful man!" NICE! I shouldn't even be surprised something like that came out of her smartass mouth. I started laughing and said, "Oh, thank you so much. You know how to ease a man's pain!" "Oh no problem. You know I'm always here for you!" We then of course continued with our stupid teasing.

Well at least the whole mess is over with. I'm not sure if I'll ever figure it out or get it right. I suppose the good news is it sure does make a good story.


	17. Chapter 17

October 25, 1965

Well I just finished getting mellow and trippy with my bad ass best friend. Yes I'm talking about Peter! My sister has rubbed off on him. GREAT. Just call me Micky the meek son of Gentle George.

At first Peter was in awe of Coco's personality. Between her and Mom, I'm used to it. However if you aren't used to tough strong-minded women it can be really scary. I wonder what it was like for Dad when he first met mom. I never got around to asking him.

Peter really showed his hidden badass side the other day. I'm still in shock and I think he is too. I have noticed that since he started dating my sister he jumps into badass mode. Then he realizes what he did and jumps back to his usual calm quiet self.

The three of us were out puttering around. We were enjoying a moment of companionable silence. All of a sudden, Coco started swearing. Oh believe me it is never a shock to hear obscenities come out of her mouth. However, there is usually a context or conversation going on. Peter and I were kind of looking at each other like, "OK, do we need to call the men in white jackets?" It turns out she had just spotted Brandon. Even worse, he was with the stupid bitch that he dumped her for. Then we all started swearing out of context.

I wanted to bolt. I was like, "Ok, let's just go the opposite way before they see us!" Both Peter and Coco disagreed with me. They both felt like why let him ruin our afternoon. I guess that is true. However I just didn't want to deal with it. Denial isn't always a bad thing. As usual I lost the argument. We just kind of kept going and prayed they didn't see us. Well of course they saw us. I KNEW IT! I felt compelled to give Peter and Coco an "I told you so." look.

I must say I was proud of her. She didn't literally or proverbially kick his ass. However when she said hello I was afraid I would get burnt from the acid dripping from her tongue. Oh, the bumblefuck could obviously tell that she was far from psyched to see him. When he said hello to me, I didn't even saying anything. I just smirked at him and backed up so I wouldn't be tempted to smack the shit out of his sorry ass. She didn't lose her temper. However, she stared him and the other slut down. Her body language said "I'm not gonna let you and the slut intimidate me, shithead!" Oh, the bumblefuck was trying his best to intimidate but she just stared him down. I didn't like it and I wanted to kick his ass. I can't help it. I'm a big brother! It's just in my DNA. However, she gave me a look like, "I can handle this Micky! If you jump in I will kick YOUR ass later!" OK! I decided out of self-preservation I would let her handle it.

She was able to keep her cold acidic yet composed tone for a few minutes. She decided to introduce Peter as her boyfriend. It was sort of cute. Peter stepped forward with a big smile on his face. He just looked so proud to be at her side. Well he looked Peter up and down. At that point, Coco and I both could feel our blood pressure rising. Now I was feeling double pressure. He was trying to intimidate my sister AND he non verbally disrespecting my best friend. I thought ahead of how pissed Mom was going to be when she got a call saying that either one or two of her children were in prison and needed to be bailed out.

I had a feeling it wouldn't stop at pretentious looks. He laughed a very pretentious laugh and said, "Oh my God! You can't be serious! Well, that comes as a relief to me. I never truly regretted leaving you at the party. However, seeing a girl who can't do better than him further cements that I made the right decision that night!" Oh that did it for both of us. All I could think was "Ok mom, get out you checkbook! Both of your children are going to jail for assault!" I was so angry I didn't even give a shit about the consequences.

Well we didn't even have time to act on our anger. I moved forward to make my move. Coco opened her mouth to say "OH MY GOD YOU MISERABLE..." Well faster than the speed of light Peter jumped forward pushed me aside and smacked the shit out of him. His head flew back. I knew this guy was gonna have a bruise later.

Coco just stood there with her jaw on the ground. She may have even coughed in surprise. We looked at each other like, "Did that just happen?" That was enough to send us into shock. However, he wasn't done yet, "Oh yeah, well let me tell you something you pompous bumblefuck, I DON'T regret that you left her at the party either! It got her away from your sorry ass and brought her to me. Your gigantic ego turned out to be my personal gain. Thanks to your bullshit, I ended up with the greatest girl in the world! I do however regret that I didn't tell how much I love her sooner! If I had you wouldn't have had the chance to rip her beautiful heart out you miserable piece of carnivorous bacteria!" Carnivorous bacteria? Where the hell does he come up with these things? Of course then Coco had to get that girly love struck look on her face. I was trying to hide my sappy emotions but it was not easy.

Once Coco came down from her romantic high, she burst into the real world and gave me a look like, "OH SHIT! What do we do now?" I gave her a paralyzed look back to say, "Well fuck if I know!" Before we even had the chance to look at Peter, Brandon just muttered some bullshit about being late and bolted. Well shit! Badass Peter scared him. He was too scared to take a swipe back. I have to admit I was a little worried. I mean Brandon is a pretty big guy. I was all prepared to jump in and help if he swiped back. Still, I wasn't looking forward to fighting a guy bigger then me.

Coco and I started jumping up and down like two little kids after a playground victory. After a minute or two we noticed that Peter wasn't celebrating. We stopped suddenly and notice he had flopped on the bench and looked pale as a sheet. At the same time we blurted out " PETER?" I think the reality of the situation hit him. We went to him and he was stuttering, " I I I..." Coco was becoming rather concerned and rightfully so. "Oh sweetie please say something!" "OH SHIT! I just decked a guy!" he said as he put a hand over his mouth. Coco gave him a huge hug. "I didn't hit just any guy; I hit a big guy. Well shit he could have kicked my ass!" The poor boy was trembling. Coco turned to me and said, "Micky get him some water!" I stopped and glared at her waiting for "the P word" "PLEASE!" she said as she rolled her eyes. It was a victory for once if only a very tiny one. I need to take what I can get in this life.

I came back and the two of them were kissing. No I mean seriously kissing! I can't leave those two alone for two seconds. I tried to make noise to announce my presence but those two were on a mission. Finally I stopped being subtle and yelled out, **"HEY! BIG BROTHER ALERT!** Are you gonna drink this water or do I need to pour it on you two?" They just giggled in a typical sappy fashion. OH PLEASE! I had to tease them a bit more. "Oh would you guys like me to take a walk or something. I could be back in oh twenty minutes!" Now** I** was joking. However, they looked at each other pensively. Then my sister looked me in the eye and said, "That would be great Micky! Thanks!" I just stared at her and twisted my face, "Um, I was kidding Damn it!" They looked so disappointed. NICE! I must have looked sulky because Coco was suppressing a laugh and said "We love you Micky!" " Yeah Right!" I said in a whiny tone before the two of us started cracking up. I think Peter was still too traumatized to laugh. I noticed Peter was having difficulty walking when he got up. NICE!

We decided to go home and tell Mike and Davy about badass Peter. When we got home he still looked shocked. I wanted to brag to Davy and Mike. However, Mike is his typical fatherly fashion spotted Peters face and said, "What the hell happened Shotgun?" In my typical over excited fashion I started talking one thousand words a minute about what happened. Peter and Coco both glared at me. Mike and Davy just looked at me like I had rocks in my head. Peter was gaining some strength back and said to me, "Step aside son! This is my story to tell!" He pushed me out of the way albeit very gently. OK! He than wildly told his version of the story. I have to admit his version was a bit more succinct and easier to understand then mine. Davy's final reaction was "You must be joking!" Coco had to pump up her new badass boyfriend. "Oh no he did! You should have seen him. The bumblefuck was terrified. He just stood there like a dipshit and then muttered some crap about running late before bolting. Running late, my ass!" Mike went up to him and shook his hand. "Congratulations Shotgun. I think it is high time we got mellow and trippy, pardon the pun!" Oh fuck yeah!" exclaimed Peter.

Now I fell like a horrible person but I am beginning to feel kind of jealous. I mean I was so proud of him for standing up for my sister. I was proud of the fact that he loved her enough to just put aside all his fears. He took a big risk by decking a guy twice his size! It's a huge deal! I get that! It's just that I felt like everyone was just telling me to shut up and step aside so he could tell the story. I was there and I WAS excited about it but no one wanted to hear my version. It felt like no one wanted to hear anything from me.

It goes deeper than that. I'm mad that I don't have a woman to protect. Before all of this I could at least protect my sister. However, even that is now taken away from me. I would like to have a woman other than my sister to protect. I wanna feel so in love that my fear goes out the window to protect her. However I can't get it right! First there was psycho bitch. Oh, then I end up with the women who wanted to literally sleep with me but NOT have sex with me. I hate having these thoughts. I swear I am happy for Peter. I only want the same for myself.

This whole mess is an example of a time when I want to call Dad. I could ask him what the hell I'm doing wrong. He's known me my whole life. He could probably explain it to me and help me do better somehow. I'm just like him so maybe he could talk to me about what he did right. Well I do believe that he is somehow with me. Perhaps I will get a sign to know what to do or when the time is right. As hard as it is, I KNOW he would not want me to give up hope.

Ok, I'm gonna attempt to calm my ever racing thoughts and attempt to sleep. After describing the past events, it won't be easy. Sleep never really comes easy to me but I need to at least try.


	18. Chapter 18

November 1, 1965

I met another girl. Yeah Yeah I know what I said. I said I give up. Well maybe I changed my mind. I figure if I screw up enough times eventually I have to get it right. It's just the law of averages right?

I met her at the beach. At first I was leery of meeting a woman at the beach. I haven't exactly had good luck, have I? However meeting this girl just kind of happened in a tornado like fashion. I blinked and realized I had met a girl. I was trying to avoid women but I was somehow hooked beyond my control. Kind of creepy

Her name is Brenda. She is really attractive. Yes, I will own up to being a typical shallow guy. I mean we don't have meaningful conversation like Margaret and I used to have. That is ok. I mean conversation is overrated sometimes. I mean I like to talk but it doesn't always have to be all meaningful and deep. She really doesn't say too much. However that works out perfectly because I like to talk and that seems to even things out.

I mean like I said she is very attractive. Not to sound overly shallow but looks do help. I'm just calling a spade a spade. An instant attraction is a nice feeling for a change.

Oh, and I must add that physical contact is far from an issue. Oh that is the understatement of the decade. Sex on the first date was not a problem. I almost hate to say this but I don't think we really even had a first date before things started. I mean after the physical aspect gets started why bother going through all the formalities of a first date. Besides first dates always kind of suck anyway. We conveniently skipped over all the awkwardness. It worked out fine for me. She doesn't seem to need all the attention that most girls seem to crave. I mean she doesn't look at me all sweetly the way Coco looks at Peter. I don't want that anyway. I really don't!

The guys and Coco haven't met Brenda yet. Oh, there is no particular reason. I mean what is the hurry? She hasn't asked about my friends and/or my family. She hasn't really asked me much about myself. Of course, I haven't asked her much about her background so we are even

We really don't know anything about each other. That is not a bad thing per se. I mean who wants to waste time talking about their family and friends. I don't know where she is from or if she has any siblings. Do I need to know that? I mean it might be interesting to know but it is not essential information. I don't want to sit around and yak endlessly about my family.

OK OK OK, I'm lying! I'm sitting here as a bunch of bold faced lies are spouting from my pen! I'm full of crap! I'm a total fraud! I can't do this anymore! I DON'T LIKE HER! No I really don't! I'm not a stupid person. I realize she doesn't talk because she is too stupid to have a conversation. The only thing this women has going for her is her looks and that is NOT a lie. I'm wracking my brain trying to think of any redeeming qualities other than physical. There aren't any. I mean Mary was a selfish bitch but we were able to have a conversation. She had a brain in her head. I was wrong but I loved her. I felt something other than physical urges.

I'll just come out and say it. I feel like an awful person admitting this but I don't like her but I really like "it." There I said it. It can't even help it. I know it's wrong. Yet, I can't stop myself. I have tried. I have gone to see her with the purpose of telling her this can't work anymore. I always plan on being nicer than, "Ya know I really don't like you! I've racked my brain trying to come up with one redeeming quality other them our obvious overwhelming physical attraction." Every time, I march down with fierce determination. You can already imagine how it turns out. I open my mouth but end up doing other things with it that don't require words. After that, I'm too happy to remember what I was all worked up about.

I do wonder what Dad would think of all this. Maybe it is better that I can't call him. He might be disappointed that I'm acting with little to no moral fiber. Then again he wasn't always my Dad. At one point, he was a red blooded young male like me. Maybe he felt the way I'm feeling before mom. I never really got around to asking him about his youth. I wish now I had taken the time to ask him.

Ok, I'm getting a headache. I need to stop agonizing about this crap. Of course my thoughts always fly apart late at night. I could try counting sheep. Sounds lame but I am desperate. Why must all these women make me go crazy?

November 5, 1965

Ok, I realize I sound like a broken record but I must say for the 1000th time that I GIVE UP! This time I mean it. I can't handle women anymore and that is the honest to God truth. My ineptitude goes beyond the realm of your normal relationship. I can't even succeed in a stupid superficial relationship based on NOTHING but physical chemistry. It is truly a sad state of affairs.

I never thought I would say this but a very small part of me is glad that Dad isn't here to witness this bullshit otherwise known as my life. Honestly, if he were here I would not even share this with him. I always felt comfortable confiding in him about my female woes but NOT this. At the same time, I feel almost feel almost jealous that he doesn't have to deal with women wherever he is.

The bottom line is I got dumped by Brenda. It has gotten so bad that a woman without any brain cells in her head grew weary of me. Thinking of what that really means literally makes my head hurt. What burns me up to no end is that I had considering kicking her to the curb. I didn't because I'm a man and I have absolutely no self control. My physical impulses always took over and rational thought went out with the ocean tide. So I could have been the one left with at least a shred of dignity. Instead I'm just a sad guy with a pen in his hand.

Unfortunately, that is not even the worst aspect of this whole fucked up mess. It gets worse, much worse. I got dumped for someone else. Oh, and the person I got dumped for might even have fewer brain cells then her. Yes it is scary but true. Get this, his name is Butch. I'm serious that is his name. In essence I got dumped for a complete moron with the stupidest name ever. The good news is now George doesn't seem so bad anymore.

What he lacks in brain cells, he makes up for in bulk. He was serious muscles. Well not that I was looking that closely. Seriously you don't have to look closely to notice. You could clearly see his huge chest and legs from miles away. I never really thought of myself as scrawny. I always thought I had a lean and muscular physique. Well, apparently not. Maybe I have to high of an opinion of myself. Could it be that I'm weak and scrawny but don't know it?

I figured out that Butch is to fucking stupid to do anything really productive. So really the only thing he is capable of doing is working out or shall I body building. I mean one must somehow fill his day after waking up and eating. Fortunately or Unfortunately, God gave me a brain and considerable talent for music if I do say so myself. Now, I suppose if I had an empty cranium I would look like that too if not stronger. I suppose one not having a hollow skull has its drawbacks.

For some reason, I feel extremely pained about this. It almost feels as though I have been kicked hard on the bad side of my body. When I stop and think about it rationally it makes no sense. Why should a man feel pained for a woman he never even liked? Perhaps I see the whole thing as a personal assault. She is a stupid girl who actually managed to make the decision to choose another man over me. What does it say if I'm not even good enough for a woman without a brain?

Not only that, it has awakened several insecurities. How shall I put this? Well, there was nothing to our relationship EXCEPT the physical. Well I have been wondering or more like obsessing about what Butch has that I don't have. Enough said! I figure if his chest is huge it kind of follows that the rest of him is... More than enough said! I fear that he possesses greater talent then me. I'm most definitely not talking about music. That's it! I might as well accept that my life is over!

I should also back up to say that this story got even more complicated even before I was kicked to the curb. It didn't help that I was already stressed out when she dumped me.

As I said, I was trying to cover up my "relationship" with Brenda. I did not want a lecture. A lecture is twice as bad when you are in the wrong. My sister much like her mother is very skilled at lecturing when she knows I have zero defenses. I finally "got caught". In a way it was a relief to just face the lecture and get it over with. Sometimes hiding something is more stressful than actually facing the consequences.

I usually tried to hang out with my friends and Coco at the beach when I knew that Brenda would not be there. Since we knew nothing about each other, I had no idea what filled her days when she wasn't at the beach. Of course on that one day my plan failed and I ran into her. She stood by me in a way that was obvious there was something going on between us. I had no choice but to introduce her to everyone. Coco looked absolutely horrified. They others were surprised but not absolutely horrified. I think because they are also guys and probably get the power of "it". A normal person would have seen the look on her face and known she was beyond horrified. Luckily, Brenda's stupidity paid off and she had no idea.

Now for a while Coco didn't say anything. However she never really has to say anything. Just like Mom you can always tell when she is angry with you or angry in general. I was sincerely hoping that maybe they issue would never come up and her face would eventually return to normal. I dared to dream.

I was really avoiding being alone with her. However somehow we ended up alone on the deck. I noticed her face had not returned to normal. I KNEW what was coming. Right before she lit into me like a windmill in a tornado, there was dead silence. That is never a good sign. Under normal circumstances, we never have silent moments. It's always a thousand words minute between us. On top of that I hate silence. "Ok, Micky I have been trying extremely hard not to say anything, I truly have. However I can't help myself any longer. Please please tell me you aren't seriously interested in that stupid girl." In my mind I could only say, "FUCK!" Ok, I had to lie. I couldn't bring myself to say that I really didn't like anything about her except her body." No, that is not an offensive thing to say especially to another woman. "Um, a well yeah! I like her! I like her very much! No seriously I really do! Oh, she is absolutely wonderful in every way." SHIT! I just overcompensated. I always do that when I'm lying. She fucking knows that. I've been doing that since I was old enough to talk. How could I have thought I could have lied to her? "OH MY GOD! You're so fucking lying to me!" OK, so how did she REALLY feel? I tried to deny it even more which ended up making her even more angry. "I KNEW you were gonna say that and it's it's so obviously a lie. I know you and I am positive that there is no way on Gods green earth that you actually like that girl!" Now that pissed me off. If she already knew what I was going to say, why was she harassing me? I made the grave error of sharing that thought out loud. "So if you know the answer then why the fuck are you harassing me?" I NEVER LEARN! She gave me a powerful death ray. I had to look away before my head melted. Then I looked heavenward to say to Dad, "Can you believe I never learn my lesson with the women in our family." For what seemed like forever we just stated straight ahead seething and practically melting the furniture with the heat of our anger.

I absolutely hate to admit this but all my pent up emotions came out like a moody girl. AHH! It happened without an ounce of my control. I loudly cried out **"OK! OK! OK! I'm lying! I don't like her! I have never liked her! I'm just a stupid superficial guy who only likes her for "it." I absolutely cannot help myself. I know it's horrible but I am powerless to stop it! I've tried and it doesn't work!"** I said all of that and much more in the same breath. She just gave me a look like,"Ok, you have officially lost it." We were able to calm ourselves and discuss it like semi rational human beings. I was actually afraid she would be offended that I was in essence using a woman purely for my own physical gain. I was surprised by her response. She sighed and said, "No actually I'm relieved to hear that! That makes me feel much better. That is better than thinking that you could actually have serious emotions for a girl like that!" OK! I guess I was off the hook for being a stupid guy. She ended up giving me more information then I wanted or needed. "Look, it's really nothing to be ashamed of. It's not like you are alone. We've all had experiences where the physical is the only redeeming quality. Oh please I have..." **"Knock it off**! I so so don't want to know about your purely physical indiscretions!" The good news is that broke the tension and we started cracking up.

Of course being a girl she had to get all deep and emotional. This is why I sometimes wish I had been given brothers. She said that she wasn't trying to harass me. She was only concerned because she loves me and doesn't want to see me settle for a stupid woman like Brenda. Oh no "the L word." She was concerned that I felt like I couldn't do any better than Brenda.

Once Brenda dumped me, she and all the guys felt it a blessing in disguise. Now, I no longer have to feel guilty about a purely physical relationship. That is true. However, I do feel hopeless that I will ever be able to have anything more. Let's face it I don't have the best track record. Coco did say something in the end that cheered me up. I kept moaning about being dumped. She in her infinite wisdom said, "You know if you wanna get technical Micky she didn't dump you. You never even had a first date. Someone can't dump you unless you are actually dating." Well, shit she was right! I felt better but I hate it when she is right with her cocky little self!

Perhaps my life as I know it is not over. I keeping thinking that Dad was like me and it worked out for him. Maybe that means there is a normal girl out there for me. I said maybe.


	19. Chapter 19

**November 10, 1965**

**As usual it is late at night. My body is tired but my mind is wide awake. I hope that someday my mind and body will learn to synch with one another.**

**All I can think about is Charlotte. I cannot stop thinking about her. I have tried but she has engulfed my thoughts. Oh, wait a minute I don't think I have mentioned her before. That might help if I want to get my point across.**

**She is another woman I met. I felt an instant attraction to her. It was much different this time. I can't even believe I'm saying this but it wasn't based on looks. It was a warm engulfing feeling that I've never experienced before. I really can't believe I'm saying this but there were little if any sexual undertones to it at first. It's rather freakish I know.**

**I need to back up even further to describe how I came into contact with this woman. No, for once it wasn't on the beach. I've grown rather weary of the beach scene. Gee, I can't imagine why? We met at a nursing home. I realize this tale is getting even more bizarre. I know I've struck out at the beach lately. However, I haven't taken to picking up chicks at the local nursing home. Things have gotten bad but not that bad. Seriously, we played a gig at the local nursing home.**

**I was not thrilled about playing at a nursing home. I found the image of old people trying to get down to our music very disturbing. I would have felt awful if that led to a severe neck or back injury. It came about because a woman in my Stepfather's church had a connection with the facility and suggested we play there. I wanted to refuse but I was afraid that if I did I would hear about it for the rest of my life. It was an adventure indeed.**

**It ended up being one of the most action packed gigs we ever played. There is so much to write about I don't even know where to begin. I think the most logical place to start is with Charlotte.**

**When we arrived, I heard a very soft and comforting sound. I wasn't sure what it was at first. Even still, it had a very profound impact on me. It was a very warm and cozy feeling. It's as if all the stress I have felt over the past month or so just melted away. I felt happy for no particular reason at all.**

**I finally figured out that source of the sound. I can't even believe I'm saying this but it was the sound of her voice. I have never felt such emotions strictly based on a persons voice. I could tell she was caring for patients. The way she was talking to them really got to me. She was so patient and calm with them. The strange thing was her voice was contagious. It had nothing to do with me yet the warmth spread to me. I have never experienced anything like it in my life.**

**What makes the situation even more bizarre is that I felt this way even before I could see what she looked like. Her back was to me. However, I still felt warm girl like emotions. When I finally caught a glimpse of her, I was pleasantly surprised by her looks. I hate to admit this but I was so captivated by her voice, I'm not even sure it would have mattered.**

**Now this sounds like a happy story but trust me it is not. The issue is I'm fairly positive she thinks I'm a complete dipshit. I wouldn't blame her. I have visions of her telling all her friends about the dipshit she met. I actually have visions of her wide awake now with a pen in her hand writing it all down.**

**It definitely was not my finest hour to put it mildly. I should clarify I am not talking about my musical performance. Oh, that in itself was flawless. It was my idiotic behavior that killed me.**

**I was almost in a trance by the sound of her voice. The guys were trying to get my attention as I stood motionless listening to her. I wasn't responding to their subtle attempts to bring me back to reality. So finally Mike yelled out my name and firmly shook me. I woke up with a start. In my shock I stepped back. I didn't realize there was an empty wheelchair behind me. I tripped over the footrest and went flying backwards into a wall. Of course it was a wall with medical equipment. It all came crashing down in a gigantic avalanche. My only dumb response was a meek. "AAA Sorry!"**

**The guys and Coco came running to me to make sure I was OK. Fortunately I was not injured other than some incidental bruising. Once they realized I was Ok, the laughter and the verbal assaults came. Davy decided to be really cheeky and said, "Oh, we'll let me give you a hand there, Grace." Coco as very impressed."Oh Wow! Good one!" I think she was actually disappointed she didn't come up with it first. NICE! Mike seemed more concerned about any injury impacting my ability to play. He was more concerned about that then my personal well being. I think my already fragile ego was hurt more than my bones. I was mad that I couldn't curse back at them for teasing the hell out of me. When my Grandmother found out that we were playing in a nursing home she gave me a very stern warning NOT to swear in front of my elders. I got the stern look to go with it. Yes, she is Janelle's mother.**

**Thankfully, Charlotte did not come over to help. She wasn't able to leave the patients. However, she did look up. Well she couldn't have missed my display. From a distance I couldn't tell if the look or her face showed concern or she thought I was a dipshit. Unfortunately, I think I managed to scare her poor patients.**

**We took a break and I had the guts to go and talk to her. I was afraid at first. However the guys could clearly see what this woman was doing to me. They encouraged me to try to redeem myself. I figured it couldn't get any worse right?**

**I was proud of myself. I had a conversation with her and I didn't stutter like a jackass. I was happy that she didn't bring up my little accident. Even though she wasn't taking care of people in a comforting tone, I still loved the sound of her voice. I can't believe I'm saying this but her voice captivated me as much as her very pretty face.**

**I was a little concerned that she is a nurse. I brought back past traumas of Margaret. GREAT! All I could think was that she could be a crazy ax murderess in her spare time. An ax murderess with a very soothing voice would be interesting. Even worse, she might not enjoy sex. NO! The more we talked the less she looked or sounded like a crazy ax murderess. I got the sense from the way she laughed and carried herself that she is not averse to sex. I guess you could call it a male sixth sense.**

**It sounds like things were improving but they were about to go downhill in a big way. I was so enjoying our conversation that I did not want it to end. I forgot my purpose. This girl made we forget that I was there to actually sing. It really felt like I only belonged there to talk to her. Yes, I realize how sappy I sound. Mike finally had to come a drag me away. No, that wasn't embarrassing. I'd like to think I noticed she seemed disappointed that our chat was coming to an end. Well maybe she did feel that way. However as I said things were about to get worse much worse.**

**I'm glad that she got busy and couldn't focus on us. I'm not sure if I would have been able to fully focus on the music if she had been able to give me her full attention. I have to admit that when she complimented me on my voice and musical talents, I could feel the heat on my face. Yes, another strike against me.**

**She freed up toward the end. I was proud of myself. I didn't make any mistakes during the last song. Once we were finished she smiled at me. It was a big toothy yet beautiful smile. I began to feel warm and giddy again. I began to feel so giddy I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing. I wanted to get off the bandstand as soon as I could so I could talk to her. I read the expression on her face and it seemed like she was waiting for me.**

**My heart was racing from excitement. In my ecstasy, I acted with haste and without rational thought. Oh no that is not like me at all. As I rapidly stepped off the bandstand, I could feel something around my right ankle. It was a wire. FUCK! It was too late to recover. I was headed straight down to the floor. It happened so fast but at the same time it seemed to be happening in slow motion. I flew forward and then slammed onto the floor. Of course I landed flat on my right leg. I always seem to hurt myself on the bad side of my body.**

**On my way down I could see one of the little old ladies out of the corner of my eye. Her eyes got wide with extreme alarm and she put her hand over her mouth in shock. She then loudly exclaimed, "GLORY BE TO GOD!" a split second after I slammed onto the floor with a loud splat. **

**I was proud of myself for not screaming out the F word. For a second I was so shocked I didn't feel the pain. I just kind of got a close up of the floor. I think part of me kept hoping I would wake up in my nice warm bed only to discover this was an awful nightmare.**

**I heard commotion and the guys running towards me. I think they were asking me if I was Ok. However all the voices blended together. I can't believe I'm admitting this but the only person I wanted to face was not there. Yes I admit I seriously wanted Mom. I was lying on the floor hurt helpless and humiliated. Isn't that what mommies are for?**

**Peter impulsively tried to pull me off the floor. Charlotte got a serious look of alarm on her face and shouted with alarm" NO! DON'T TRY TO MOVE HIM! He can't get up until we assess him for possible injuries." Peter was so alarmed he proceeded to drop my arm and my upper body fell to the floor AGAIN! Shoot me now!**

**Oh, but it gets better. Charlotte insisted that we call the in-house Doctor just to make sure no bones were broken. I have to admit I was getting a little impatient laying on a cold wood floor surrounded by old people staring at me. I just wanted to get off the floor and move on with my life. Without even meaning to, I let some of my frustration out on that sweet adorable girl. "Look, I'm fine! I just wanna get off the floor. I really don't see the need in hanging out on the floor waiting for the Doctor!" I must say she was sassy right back to me. I hate to say this but I found her assertiveness incredibly sexy. "Really? Well you are a musician and I'm a nurse. So why don't you let me be the judge of what needs to be done. I say there IS a need for you to hang out on the floor waiting for the Doctor!" OK! She told me! I of course had no comeback. I just looked at her blankly like the complete dipshit that I was at the moment.**

**When the Doctor came he started asking me really stupid questions like my name, age, the date, and the time of day. Of course, I knew the answers. However, the questions were so stupid that I just kind of looked at him while thinking, "What the fuck?". He sensed I was highly irritated with his bizarre line of questioning. "Look, I'm sorry. I know they seem like stupid questions. Any time a patient hits their head we have to ask to ask these questions to rule out a concussion or head injury." Concussion or head injury? Ok, now I was officially FREAKED OUT. Again, I am forced to admit, I REALLY wanted Mom after hearing the words head injury or concussion! Mommies also come in handy when you find yourself in a situation where you are suddenly panic stricken!**

**Once we were certain there were no bones broken I was helped off the floor. No that was not totally humiliating. When I put weight on my leg it HURT. It definitely wasn't broken but it was SORE! I tried to tell myself not to wince but I think it was an autonomic reflex. Charlotte gave me a pitiful look as I was helped into a chair. Well that was just great. She now pitied me.**

**When we prepared to leave Charlotte told me she hoped I felt better. It was so sweet of her. However, it did cement that she felt nothing more than pity for me. I couldn't really blame her. Like I said it wasn't my finest hour. I admit to feeling rather melancholy when we left. I felt like if I hadn't made such a dipshit of myself I might have had a chance.**

**I was rather sulky in the car. I was mentally beating myself up rather badly. How did I let that happen? The guys all thought I should call the facility in a few days and ask to talk to her. FUCK NO! I can't face that girl again. I know they meant to help but how could they even suggest such a thing. My only response was, "Have you people lost it! She thinks I'm a dipshit! I can't call a girl after that! NO WAY!" They tried to convince me that maybe she didn't feel that way about me. How could she not? I wouldn't hold it against her if she did feel that way. The only thing she feels/felt is pity.**

**Coco tried to bring me out of my melancholy mood. "Look, I know for a fact that she doesn't think that about you! I talked to her while you guys were playing and she asked about you. She asked in a way that clearly indicated she WAS interested!" I have to admit my heart did skip at beat at that statement. I refused to let myself get over excited. I had a comeback for once. "Yeah well that was before I tripped and flew across the room during my second causality of the afternoon!" She seemed somewhat defeated by my comeback. However she did not want to give in. "That's true but anyone can have a mishap or two. Believe me from the way she was talking earlier I doubt that one mishap changed her opinion." I had no response as usual. I just grumbled and rolled my eyes as I iced my poor leg.**

**I think I'm ready to stop now. The good news is I think by now my brain might be calming down and ready for sleep. Actually I have a lot more to say about that day. There were some funny moments that I still want to write down. They got overlooked because Charlotte occupied all my thoughts and continues to do so even as I wind down. I MIGHT consider trying to contact her. I said I might! Even if I do it won't be for a few days at least. Ok, much much more later...**


	20. Chapter 20

November 11, 1965

I left off with me finally succumbing to physical and emotional exhaustion. I was anxious to get to sleep. I felt like maybe sleep would ward off my obsessive thoughts about Charlotte. I neglected to consider dreams. Dreams are even worse. At least when one is awake one can attempt to control those thoughts.

I managed to have several dreams about Charlotte. They were actually rather tame consider the strong feelings I seem to have developed literally overnight.

I swear sometimes I really am jealous that Dad doesn't have to deal with women where he is. It must be nice. I wonder what he would think if I told him about what I went through at the nursing home. Unfortunately I think he would tell me to contact her. I can somehow feel that is what he wants me to do.

The problem is I want to write about some of the other things that happened that day. Believe it or not, in between my casualties there were some light and even enjoyable moments. It was a full adventure. I'm annoyed that I cannot seem to focus my thought on anything EXCEPT Charlotte. DAMN HER! The chemicals aren't even helping. Instead they are making it worse. I'm gonna take a deep breath and try to write all this shit down.

I think what made me laugh the most was Davy and all the little old ladies. He's thinks he's God's gift to women. However he was totally repulsed by the old ladies being pervy with him. Well I say it serves him right. There is a price one must pay for a huge ego

I had to laugh because in between my two casualties I had an amazing conversation with Charlotte. She mentioned Davy. Not in a love sick way thank God. If she had, I would have been forced to kick his ass. I pictured using all the equipment such as canes and crutches to take care of the situation. Oh please, he's 5"3' I could so kick his ass.

I had to laugh because Charlotte said that as nice as she thought Davy was, he was making her job very difficult. As first I didn't get it. Apparently all the little old ladies were all so worked up by him they could not sit still. So it made it difficult for her to get them to calm down enough to treat them. I felt bad for her and I apologized on his behalf.

Now, do you think I was going to keep that information to myself? FUCK NO! I had to run and tell him that all the little old ladies were beside themselves over him and refusing treatment. He absolutely shuddered. When he reacted like that Coco has something serious to say. Yeah, big shock. "OH PLEASE! Don't even pretend you don't love every ounce of attention you egomaniac! You eat up attention with a pretty little spoon!" Then she looked directly at him and rolled her eyes. I thought he would cower but he did have a comeback for her. "Well This is actually really good news for you."She gave him a look like, "What the hell are you trying to say dipshit!" "Well, it means that when you get old and decrepit you still won't loose it!" Even though I was pissed at his ego, I was impressed my his clever remark. However it was short lived. Of course as usual she had to win the argument. "PLEASE! You are forgetting some crucial information. I'm not interested in you NOW! So, why would I get all worked up about someone like you when I'm old and decrepit? Sorry to squash any of your high hopes but my tastes are never gonna change." Peter moved closer to Coco and proudly said, "She's right!" Davy was so completely defeated. "SHUT UP!" he bellowed. Mike was getting so tired of our childish bullshit. Deep down I couldn't really blame him. "CHILDREN! KNOCK IT OFF! We here to play for these people. We are not here to stand around and argue like five year olds. So, please SHUT UP!" OK! Davy felt compelled to say, "Micky started it!" Mike turned to him a death ray that would have made Mom proud. That seriously ended all the bullshit. I didn't say anything but he was right. I totally started it and was very proud of it.

Coco was right. I so hate to admit that. Davy claimed to be horrified by the attention he we getting. However, he spent a great deal of the afternoon entertaining all the old ladies. So what did he think would happen? What a complete dipshit!

At one point, Charlotte mentioned that a lot of the ladies love to dance. I must go into sappy mode for a moment. I have to say it completely warmed my heart to hear how fondly she talked about her patients and their personal interests. Unfortunately I think when she talked fondly, I instinctively tilted my head and looked up at her in love sick way. Yet another reason for her to think I'm a dipshit. Anyway, we mentioned that Davy seriously knows how to dance.

Of course he couldn't just leave it at that. No, he had to do this whole dance routine for the old ladies. He did that and then supposedly resented the attention. PLEASE. As I've said several times, the boy really can dance. I was rather miffed that Charlotte looked impressed. On the other hand, she did give me and very strong and sincere compliment on MY musical talents. She never actually compliemented Davy. She only looked impressed.

The dance ended on a rather humorous note. When he was finished everyone was fussing about what a great dancer he was. All of a sudden, this really cute little old back lady blurted out, "He dances well for a short white boy!" We all almost fell over from laughter. Coco and I had serious tears in her eyes. I was so happy to not be the butt of the joke for once. Davy had no idea what to say. He just kind of stood there with his short little white mouth hanging open.

I was beginning to really like that little lady. I even went over to talk to her. Her name was Ethel Marsh. Ok, how can anyone look at a sweet newborn baby and he like, "AWW! Let's name her Ethel." Ms. Marsh didn't hit on me. Hah! I think she looked at me like a grandson of some sort. I thought that was kind of ironic coming from a little black lady but whatever. She fussed over my talents but didn't call me a normal sized white boy. Yes, two points for Micky!

Oh, and I absolutely positively must write down the traumatic moment that Peter and I shared. At one point this one old guy seemed rather taken with Coco. Call us naïve but we thought and was really sweet and completely harmless. She enjoyed talking to him as well. He said she was pretty. We didn't think anything of it because old people always think younger people are pretty cute or handsome. Out of the clear blue sky, he calmly said, " You have very beautiful breasts!" She stepped back and looked she was about to pass out. I gasped in shock and began to cough in absolute horror and disbelief. Peter looked pale and actually had to clutch the wall for support. I couldn't even speak but my brain wanted to cry, "That is my younger sister you are talking about!" I think we were both even having trouble breathing. Oh and Coco was a very deep shade of purple. I must also mention that she was speechless. Even if my shocked state of mind I knew I had to enjoy it. I knew it would not happen again easily in our lifetimes.

Charlotte overhead and came running over. She could see that we were positively dumbstruck. She very gently explained that he is actually a very sweet man. Apparently the poor guy has Alzheimer's disease. So, he really didn't mean it in any vulgar. The way she explained it made everything alright. Our blood pressures returned to normal. I was relieved to hear it. He really did look like a cute little old guy. Unfortunately, I lost it once again with the tone of her voice. When she spoke of him with such compassion, I once again looked up at her like a dewy eyed teenager.

I knew I once again lapsed into dipshit mode. Peter made it much worse by making a seriously pervy comment. I'm not sure if he meant for me to hear or not. Unfortunately I did hear him. After the whole incident Charlotte went back to work. Peter felt absolutely compelled to comment further. He leaned into Coco and said, "I have to say that old man is absolutely right about you." Be still my ever beating heart! **"OH MAN! KNOCK IT OFF! THAT IS SO WAY MORE INFORMATION THEN I NEEDED! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!**" The two of them were really enjoying what it was doing to me. NICE.

I think it is time to stop now. I think I managed to cover all the aspects of our freakish adventure. The only problem is I wish I could stop thinking about Charlotte. I can't get her amazing soothing voice out of my head. I MIGHT have to call her eventually. Either that or I could spend the rest of my sad lonely life staring at the dark ceiling picturing her voice and pretty face.


	21. Chapter 21

**November 15, 1965**

**Where did I leave off? I think I left off felling like a sad guy with a pen in his hand staring at the dark ceiling. Well I am no longer a sad guy staring at a dark ceiling. Well I sometimes stare at the ceiling but I'm not a sad guy anymore.**

**The biggest news in Charlotte does not think I'm a dipshit. It turns out she never did. That is really good news. The only problem is as usual Coco was right. That is just the story of my life. It is my cross to bear. **

**I had been driving myself crazy debating weather or not to call. I would psych myself up and them I would get very vivid flashbacks of myself hurling towards the floor. The problem is along with those images came the images of the fuss I caused. I assumed Charlotte had some standards. I began to think that she wanted a man who at least knew how walk to without falling and bumping into things. Plus she seemed so loving and protective of her patients. I managed to scare the crap out of the poor people twice. Sometimes I would be on my way the phone and not be able to do it.**

**Well after a few days of self inflicted torture I got the shock of my life. We were just kind of hanging out and getting mellow on a Saturday morning. Isn't that what Saturday mornings are for? As we were all feeling relaxed the phone rang. I went to answer it and I got the shock of my life. I heard a most beautiful sound. I wasn't expecting hear such a sweet sound. I'm not sure what I was expecting as I innocently answered the phone on a lazy Saturday morning. It was a nervous sounding, "Um Um Good morning, is this Micky?" OH SHIT! It was Charlotte. My heart raced. It started beating so loudly I could hear it thundering in my ears. I couldn't believe SHE was contacting ME. I was so caught off guard I feared I would blow it again. Well fuck even on the phone her voice turns me into a babbling idiot. All she did was say my name and I was reduced to pathetic lovestruck state. I kept telling myself to come back to reality. I was telling myself "Answer her question you fucking idiot!" "You are Micky aren't you?" Finally, I said something semi human but stupid nonetheless , "Ah Ah Ah, yes it is!" Yeah real fucking brilliant. I then felt awful because I inadvertently made her feel bad. "Oh God, you don't remember me! I'm so sorry! I should have introduced myself first! This is Charlotte Glasson from the nursing home. It's just that I was so anxious to talk to you again. I forgot my phone manners. Forgive me." Now I was freaking out even worse. I wasn't sure if I had heard correctly. I thought I heard her say she was anxious to talk to me again. I thought maybe I heard wrong over the sound of my heart pounding in my ears. **

**I must have really looked freaked out or close to fainting. The guys and Coco were watching me. I don't know if they knew it was Charlotte or not. However, they could tell it was something I wasn't expecting. I was standing up when she said that she was so excited about speaking to me. As soon as she said that I think I must have turned paler than a cadaver in the anatomy lab. Coco took on the protective role and rushed over to put a chair behind me. I'm glad she did because I immediately fell into it. It was wood so when I flopped down it caused a bit of a literal ass ache. However it was better than fainting. I mouthed a Thank You and tried to gain control. Of course having the four of them staring at me was making me more nervous. I managed to mouth "Charlotte". Then I gave a hand gesture that said, "You guys are making it worse. Get the fuck out and I'll give you the dirt when I'm done. Luckily she is an expert in my body language and herded the rest of them outside to the deck.**

**I took a deep breath as my body was heading toward recovery. I think I was able to speak like a human but the whole phone call was a blur. "Oh no, don't be silly! Of course I remember you!" I don"t know how she could have thought I wouldn't remember her. I figured it might be too soon for me to tell her that I have thought of nothing but her since the day we met. "Good! I've wanted to talk to you again. I've been meaning to call you but I'm just getting around to it. I would have called sooner but I wasn't sure if you would remember me!" SHIT! Why did she have to say that when I had just regained my composure? "No, believe me, you are unforgettable!" OH dumb fucking this to say! "Ah Ah Ah I mean I was thinking of calling you too!" "Really?" She said happily. I had to keep telling myself not to turn to jelly. Yes I admit inside I was thinking like a stupid girl. "WOW! She has been thinking of me!" I'm so glad I kicked Coco and the others out of the room. I couldn't have them see me like this.**

**Things calmed down and we actually started to have a normal human conversation. It ended up being as amazing as the conversation we had the day we met. It occurred to me I should ask her out. It dawned on me that she must have called me because she wanted to talk to and I hope see me again. Even though she placed the call I am still the guy. I really didn't want HER to ASK me. I wanted to ask HER. My mind raced as I tried to think of a way to beat her to it. I was torn because I really was enjoying our conversation. Part of me didn't want it to end. God, I sound like such a girl! I finally took a deep breath and asked her. Yes, I was able to save some of my masculine dignity and beat her to it. I was relieved that she accepted right away. Actually she was really so cute when I asked her. She gave me a very exuberant "YES!" Then I could tell she felt nervous for impulsively shouting her excitement to the rooftops. It was so utterly adorable. Then after she shouted out her answer she nervously said, "Oh I mean yes of course it would be very um lovely to have a chance to talk to you again!" The poor thing was trying so hard to act calm to make up for it. I was thrilled but it also made me weak and love struck. In some ways, it was getting brutal. Every time the conversation turned normal and stable one of us would say something to get the other one nervous. **

**Finally we made our arrangements for out date. I didn't dare call it a date for both our sakes. We were getting together to have a chance to talk more. It was obvious that deep down both of us knew it was the D word. Finally we ended the call. I so hate to say this but part of me could have stayed on the phone forever. I figured the best thing to do was get off the phone and look forward to the date. I also hate to admit, I did get all weak and fuzzy when we both ended up saying we were looking forward to it. **

**I knew Coco and the guys were outside just dying to hear my dirt. Once I hung up I was of course happy. However, I looked at the phone and I felt melancholy for a moment. I really wanted to pick up the phone and call Dad. I wanted to tell him I just got off the phone with a woman who appeared to be normal. I wanted to tell him that I was excited but still really scared to get my hopes up. I wanted him to tell me not to worry. Even writing about how I felt at that moment makes me miss him so much. I do know that he would want me to go ahead and take a chance despite what I had been through in the past. I knew I had to get outside and give everyone the scoop. ****So I simply looked heavenward to feel some sort of support or connection from him.**

**I decided to kind of mess with everybody. I casually walked out to the deck. I just quietly lit up a joint looked straight ahead and didn't say anything. Finally Coco had enough and threw a pillow at me. Oh, do you think she wanted me to spill it? I threw it back at her and said "Subtle, very subtle!" So I explained that we had an amazing conversation. I described it as best I could without getting to Dewey or love struck. Of course Coco had to gloat about being right as usual. After I finished describing my phone conversation she felt absolutely compelled to add "I told you she didn't think you were a dipshit!" The rolling of the eyes made if official. "Yeah Yeah Yeah Shut up pain in my ass!" I said as I hurled another pillow back at her. That of course led to the usual stupid teasing.**

**I can't believe I am actually going out with this girl. So far she hasn't shown any signs of being a crazed ax murderess. They guys also have met her and they too feel like she is not a crazy person. So perhaps it is not that my judgement is clouded by love sickness. Coco talked to her extensively and she is sure she is not a secret ax murderess. Let's face it; if she felt something was amiss you know she would tell me the truth. **

**I think this is a good time to stop. Right now I'm no longer a sad man staring at the dark ceiling. I feel like a very nervous man staring at the ceiling. We shall see what I have to say after our date.**


	22. Chapter 22

Paste your docum

**November 20, 1965**

**Well Charlotte and I went out on our date. The honest to God truth is it has taken me a while to park myself and write it down. I hate to say this but the reason is I have been in a perpetual state of complete dewy lovesick giddiness. Yes, it's true! I know I'm acting like a sappy girl but I cannot help myself. I've tried to tell myself to stop acting goofy and lovesick. However, the feeling just hits me and there is not one thing I can do about it. It's a little frustrating actually. Just when I think it's getting better the fuzziness and warmth overtakes me without warning.**

**I guess that gives and indication as to how the date went. It's a little scary actually. In a very short time that woman has taken me and wrapped me around her adorable finger. See what I mean! AHH! What has this woman reduced me to? I still can't stop thinking about her. I mean I thought the giddiness would gradually decrease after the first date. However, it's the exact opposite. If anything it had gotten worse. Now that really does scare me. I can honestly say my giddiness is as bad if not worse then they day we met. I realize that truly is scary. The worst part is I have no control over it.**

**I decided the best idea was a movie and dinner. That works perfectly for first date. That way over dinner you always have the movie to talk about as a back up. I decided to be a gentleman and let her pick the movie. I was concerned at first about her choice. It turned out to be Ok but I'll get to that later. The problem is a girl is almost always going to pick a sappy movie. Of course she was no exception. When we were on the phone making our final plans, I told her it was her choice. So she said with an extraordinary amount of enthusiasm, "Oh we'll I'm really excited about The Sound of Music!" Leave it to a girl to pick a sappy musical like that. In my mind, I was thinking, "Noooooooo..." However, I didn't have the heart to actually say anything, especially since she was so cute about it. It's strange I was horrified yet dewy and love struck at the same time. I didn't say anything but I did become silent after her enthusiastic response. Unfortunately, she picked up on it and then I felt guilty. She so sweetly responded "Oh well we really don't have to go see that. It was just a suggestion. Really it's fine if you want to pick something else!" I didn't have the heart to disappoint her. Not after she had her cute little heart set on it. I knew we were definitely going to that movie. I absolutely melted and very sincerely told her that it was fine. So we ended up agreeing on that. I figured how bad it could be.**

**When I picked her up, I was over come by how beautiful she looked. Her red curly hair fell perfectly onto her delicate shoulders. Her outfit definitely accentuated all aspects of her lovely frame. She wore a very pretty black fitted top with a green cardigan that really brought out greenish blue color is her eyes. I feel awful for noticing this but the fitted top perfectly held in place her very firm and shapely breasts. Oh God help me! I did feel guilty for noticing but I couldn't help myself. I was certain that in choosing that top part of her wanted me to notice and enjoy the sight. If the top weren't bad enough she wore a much fitted mini skirt with black tights and adorable ankle length black boots. That skirt and the tights really accentuated her nice firm legs. Oh and of course I didn't fail to notice the cute butt! It didn't help that the skirt had a very tasteful slit in the back. I have to say the whole package she presented made it very hard to concentrate on driving. I prayed I would be able to get us to and from in one piece. Oh, and when you add the voice and smile, it makes it even worse. I was very proud of myself that I did somehow manage to focus on the road. I made it a point not to look over at her until the car was safely in park.**

**I have to say the movie ended up being a very good choice. It definitely worked out in my favor. I will say it was a very romantic movie. A very romantic movie will always put a girl in a very romantic and cuddly mood. That is always a good thing. Oh, it definitely had that impact on her. It turns out it was the perfect choice after all.**

**I absolutely positively hate to admit this but I cannot lie. I really did enjoy the movie. Yes, it was totally sappy. In fact, I don't know if I have seen a sappier movie in my life thus far. However, deep deep down I really really liked it. Oh, believe me this information will go no farther then this journal. I can't believe this is coming from my pen but I did enjoy the sweet wholesome innocent quality of the movie. She absolutely loved it. I again hate to say that a lot of my happiness came from seeing how happy it made her. When I looked over at her and saw the smile on her face and the look in her eyes, it truly warmed my heart. Oh, I realize how pathetic that sounds but I can't help it.**

**The scenery of Austria was breathtaking. It literally made you want to go straight to the airport from the movie. After a while, I couldn't imagine a person could live in Austria and ever be unhappy surrounded by so much beauty. She was also taken with the beauty. I actually had fantasy visions of leaving the movie and whisking her away on a plane to a beautiful romantic spot in Austria. I decided since it was our first date I really should keep these fantasies to myself. Maybe for our third date I can whisk her away to a beautiful mountain top in Austria. Well we will see how things go. I really have to admit I was having some SERIOUSLY impure thoughts about what the two of us could do all alone on a secluded mountain top in Austria! WOW! Enough said!**

**Like I said, the romantic aspect did make her extremely cuddly. I'm sure a manly movie wouldn't have had the effect on her. So in the end it was a good thing. There was a romantic scene where Captain Von Trapp and Maria, his Governess, end up dancing together. After the dance they realize they are in love. I am forced to admit it was an amazing scene. I think if I tried to dance like that I would fall right on my poor right leg. That kind of perfect timing only happens in the movies. I began to wonder how many times they had to rehearse that dance before they actually mastered it perfectly**

**At the end of that scene Charlotte made a rather bold yet extremely cuddly move right in the dark. I was thrilled and loved every second but I was taken aback. When the perfectly choreographed dance ended she moved in and cuddled right up to me resting on my chest. It was thrilled of course but taken aback at the same time. I took a cue from her and used my arms to wrap her in a warm cuddle. I wasn't expecting a bold mood from such a sweet girl. However, my brief moment of surprise was not enough to prevent me from enjoying the moment. Oh and as the movie got even more romantic, she cuddled even closer to me which at times I didn't even think was possible. I responded with an even tighter embrace. When the movie ended, I think we both hated the fact that we had to actually get up and break apart from such a warm and comfortable cuddle. There were no words to that effect. However, when I turned to look at her, I could feel that was what she was thinking. We waited for the rest of the people to file out first. In all honesty, I think we didn't want to move because we both felt so warm and comfortable in a warm tight cuddle. Oh God, I know how ridiculous I sound. I can't even help describing things that way. Anyway we finally knew we had to get up and move on.**

**Dinner was also perfect. I always worry about the dinner part of a first date. I always worry that there will be nothing to talk about except the movie. First dinners can often be rather brutal. However, it wasn't like that at all. I felt like I was with someone comfortable and familiar. It almost felt like I was with someone I had known forever. I really and truly felt like I could totally be myself. Believe it or not, I was not playing the role of a man acting really stupid trying to impress a girl. I was just myself enjoying a nice meal with an incredibly special woman.**

**I really didn't want to admit that I loved the movie. Yeah Yeah Yeah, I really did. However, I could not bring myself to disappoint her. I looked across the table into her sweet beautiful eyes and I knew I had to tell her the truth. It was actually worth it to see how happy it made her. I think she sensed how difficult it was for me to admit that I loved such a girly movie. She sweetly said," Well don't worry I promise I won't tell anyone!" I have to say I was relieved to hear her say that. I replied. "Thanks! I really appreciate that!" We both started laughing at the exact same time. Did I mention she has the cutest laugh ever?**

**We talked about how beautiful the scenery of Austria was in the movie. The only problem was that brought back the vivid fantasy I came up with earlier. I actually felt myself becoming extremely flush when the images I created in my mind hit me again. The more she mentioned the beautiful scenery the more I imagined how incredible it would be to make hot passionate love to her on a secluded Austrian mountain top amongst the soft Edelweiss. I felt really guilty. There she was so sweetly an INNOCENTLY talking about the scenery and my mind was completely in the gutter. I decided it would be a good idea to keep my utterly impure thoughts to myself. I figured it would it would understandably freak her out it I just blurted out " You know Charlotte I would really love to whisk you off to Austria and make hot passionate love to you on a secluded mountain top!" No, that would not be good. I decided to try and instead change the subject to rid myself of these painfully impure thoughts.**

**We talked about much more then the movie. I figure that is a really good sign when it is easy to find other things to talk about. It's really incredible how comfortable I felt and how easily the conversation flowed. I can honestly say there were no awkward or uncomfortable moments. I suddenly realized I was talking freely about things that I normally keep to myself or don't like to talk about. With her even those subjects were effortless to talk about. I immediately felt like a trusted her enough to openly talk about aspects of myself. It seemed like she felt comfortable opening up to me. The more she revealed about herself the more captivated I was with her.**

**I was really disappointed on the way home in the car. I didn't want to drop her off. I just wanted the date to go on and on. As far as sexual intimacy was concerned, I of course wanted to feel that close to her. However, I didn't feel like it would be right so soon. I really value and respect her as an amazing woman. I couldn't allow myself to do anything that would cheapen that in any way. I have no doubt that it will happen in good time with us and that it is going to be nothing short of earth shattering.**

**When I reached her apartment building, she said that it was such a lovely night. I couldn't have agreed more. She asked me if I wanted to sit outside with her for a while in the courtyard of her building. Of course, I was thrilled at the invitation. I have to say I was kind of relieved that she didn't invite me up to her actual apartment. I didn't want to put myself in a situation where I might be tempted to do something that we could both regret later. This was a perfect compromise. **

**Once we sat down, I leaned close to her and I looked into her emerald eyes. I had this overwhelming desire to kiss her. It was so overpowering that I had no choice but to act on my impulse. I felt a pretty strong vibe that was what she wanted me to do. I leaned in and gently but fully kissed her. I decided to start out slowly and see how she reacted. Well, she kissed back with a vengeance. I was very relieved that for a change I was able to read a girls signals accurately. Maybe there was hope for me after all. Once I realized she was happy, I decided to increase the intensity. She followed my lead and the kiss became explosive. As long as I sensed she was happy, I continued to increase the intensity and fully taste her.**

**After several very delicious minutes, I decided I should stop and we should call it a night. How should I put this? Well I began to worry about my physical reaction to the rapidly building intensity. Oh yes, one of the many joys of being a man. I slowly tapered off and broke the kiss.**

**I was about to tell her sweetly that it was time to go. Truthfully I hoped the walk back to the car wouldn't be too uncomfortable. Before I even had the chance she looked up at me and smiled with adoration in her eyes. Then she learned forward and buried her head deeply onto my chest. I instinctively reached up and very gently stroked the back of her hair. I was so touched when I looked down and saw the expression on her face. She looked so incredibly calm happy and at peace resting on my chest. Yes, it did cause even more intense feelings of warmth and giddiness.**

**After several moments of restful silence we had a very light and relaxing conversation. I brought up my accident on the day we met. I confided in her that I was convinced she thought I was a total dipshit. By the way, I was a gentleman and didn't actually use the word dipshit. She laughed the cutest laugh ever and very sedately said, "Oh Micky I never ever thought that! If anything I felt sorry because I could see you were simply trying too hard! I thought it was really sweet." Oh Lord she had to go and call me the S word! "So I tortured myself for days for no good reason! My sister told me you asked about me. However, I was convinced you couldn't possibly feel that way about such a klutzy guy." "AWWWWW! No, I really did feel bad for you. The truth is Micky you really didn't have to try so hard. You had me the minute you starting singing. The problem is you didn't realize it! I was so worried about you after you fell. I knew it happened because you were simply too nervous. You can't even imagine how relived I was that you weren't really hurt!" I felt compelled to add, "I'm really sorry if I scared your poor patients." She let out the cutest laugh from deep in her little belly. "Don't be! You actually caused some excitement in their rigid and scheduled lives! It was good for them. Heck some of the more alert ones are still talking about it!" Well that did make me feel better.**

**Now it did get a little dicey at the end but we cleared it up and still managed to end on a glorious note. Charlotte suddenly blurted out "Well, Micky I think it is time for bed." OH SHIT! I didn't know how to even respond. I thought to myself, "Does she actually want to sleep with me tonight?" I mean I was perfectly willing to wait out of respect for her. However, if that was what she really wanted I wasn't about to refuse her. PLEASE! When does a man ever turn down an offer of sex? NEVER! I was too speechless to respond. My only respose was an unconscious fit of coughing.**

**I got clarification seconds later. I suddenly noticed her body tensed up and I could feel her becoming anxious against my chest. It dawned on me that she innocently meant that it was time for HER to go to bed not for US to go to bed. I felt sorry for her that she was becoming very upset. She sat up abruptly but avoided eye contact with me. Her face was beet red and she was stuttering. "Oh Oh I I I... I mean... I didn't mean... I mean it's not that I don't want you. I mean you I...well I aaa... ". Oh, her anxiety was almost heart breaking. I had to make it better for her. I assertively took her chin in my hands and pulled her up so our eyes met. "Hey, it's OK!" I said softly as I gently stroked her cheek. "I know what you meant!" "I'm sorry!" she said as she gently looked down again. At that point, she was literally close to tears. I felt awful that she was so distraught. I gently but firmly pulled her face back up to meet mine, "You have nothing to be sorry about! I understand. It's Ok, I promise!" I said softly as I gently kissed her forehead eyelids and the tip of her nose. "Really?" she said in a timid but less anxious tone. "YES!" I said with conviction as I gently placed more reassuring kisses on the tip of her nose. I was very relieved when the distraught expression on her face was replaced with a small but definite smile.**

**After that misunderstanding we decided it really was time to call it a night. Unfortunately the walk back to the car did cause some discomfort. However, I was sort of expecting that. It just comes with the territory unfortunately.**

**When I got home I was relieved that the guys had gone to bed already. The truth is I really didn't feel up to discussing my date. It's funny the intimacy that Charlotte and I shared felt painfully personal. I felt like everything we did and talked about was just for the two of us. I had no desire to give details or at talk about it with anyone other then Charlotte. I knew the guys would want to hear all about it and I just wanted to savor every delightful moment for myself. So I quietly crawled into bed without waking anyone. It's a miracle that I didn't injure myself in the dark for once in my life.**

**Of course I couldn't sleep. I had a feeling that Charlotte was awake in her bed. I have to say the image of her in her own bed was rather appealing to say the least. I wondered if he was in bed getting excited about me.**

**The only part I regret is that Dad will never get to meet Charlotte. I know that he would love her and vice versa. Well in a way I believe that he somehow knows about her and how happy I feel at least for now anyway. Still I really miss him so much. It's still so hard during times like this. There are so many things that he has missed and will continue to miss. So even during happy times I end up feeling a little sad that he isn't here to share it with me.**

**Well finally after a long period of looking at the ceiling and remembering how she felt all cuddled up in my arms, sleep over took me. I believe I finally fell asleep with a big smile on my face and warm thoughts and images of her.**

ent here...


	23. Chapter 23

**November 30, 1965**

**I have procrastinated writing for several days. Mainly because too much has happened. The thought of trying to write it all down is extremely daunting. I suppose that is the main reason I have put it off. Of course procrastination also makes things worse.**

**Since I have insomnia I decided how would be the perfect time to attempt to put my crazy whirlwind life into words. I mean all I was doing was staring at the ceiling. I figured I might as well be productive.**

**Well I think the most significant event to mention is a very large and momentous step in my relationship with Charlotte. Yes, we have passed our third date at this point. I think mentioning that fact is a clear indication as to where the subject of this entry is headed . Ok I'll just come right out and say it, I'm referring to the consummation of our relationship. Yes, it actually happened. Like I said before, I really had no doubts it would eventually happen for us. However based on my recent past relationships, it had been a minor source of anxiety for me. There were one or two minor misunderstandings throughout. However, I have come to realize that these misunderstandings happen in the beginning of even the best of relationships. By the way, I was right and it was nothing short of earth shattering. **

**Now, I was a little concerned about our rapidly approaching third date. Like I said from the moment we started seeing each other, I knew it would not be right to rush things as much as I desired sexual intimacy with her. To be truthful, I think I actually desired sexual intimacy even before we arranged our first date. I really care for this girl very much. Truth be told I might even feel the L word. However, I'm scared to come right out and say that yet. So I WAS concerned with how she feels and I didn't want her to feel like I ONLY wanted sex. I mean that isn't really true. However, I DO feel an intense physical attraction to her. That of course strengthens the pure sexual desire. Yes it is a severe minefield.**

**This is yet another time where it would have been helpful to have Dad here to her to help me sort of all the complicated and annoying emotions. I wanted to ask him how to approach the subject while still being sensitive with this girl that I deeply care for. At times it honestly made me mad that he wasn't around help me figure this shit out.**

**When we were planning our third date, she gave me a few subtle hints that led me to believe she was ready to consummate our relationship. I have a feeling she didn't want to come right out and say that was all she wanted either. When trying to determine sexual intimacy, it is almost impossible to know exactly what the other person is thinking until you are in bed in the thick of it. So first she said she would love a "nice dinner." I wasn't sure exactly what else she thought the date should entail besides the "nice dinner."**

**Things started to look up for me when she said she would love to cook me a nice dinner. Now that sounded very promising. It occurred to me that was a subtle invitation to her apartment. An invitation to the apartment is almost always an indication there will surely be shall we say other very tasty treats after dinner.**

**One night, she was describing the dinner she was planning. I am ashamed to admit I was only half paying attention. My mind was on the very tasty treats that would hopefully come my way after the very lovingly prepared dinner. I knew it was awful but I can't help that I'm a guy! Well, she made a comment that seriously grabbed my attention. After she so lovingly described the dinner, there was a small deafening pause. Before I was able to say anything she VERY timidly and softly stuttered, "Oh um a well I forgot to mention that you are more than welcome to um well you know stay over night III mean um well that is if you want." OH SHIT! If I want? I would NEVER have said this but I was THINKING "PLEASE! Charlotte, I'm a man! I think you can leave out the 'if you want' Trust me, my dear, I want!"Actually, I was rather taken aback by her remark even if it was soft and timid. I did a bit of stuttering myself. "OH! Ah ah ah yes um um that would be nice!" I said nice but the word that was coming to my mind was earth shattering! "Well good I um well yes that will be fine then!" I have to admit I thought to was too adorable the way she was being so timid and nervous about it. I have to admit it did bring on the feeling of warm dewy loves struck giddiness.**

**I have to say I have been rather reserved about sharing the intimate details of my relationship with Charlotte with the guys much to their chagrin. It's kind of funny but for the first time in my life I have found the details so painfully personal. I almost feel guilty that I am disrespecting that incredibly special woman by giving details. However, this was just too much to keep to myself. I was beyond happy when I got off the phone. I knew I had to make an exception and share this with everyone. I mean it is a big step and needed to be shared, right?**

**So I ran outside to where everyone else was, lit up a joint, and spilled my guts. They all agreed that this was a CLEAR signal from her. I got several congratulatory pats on the back. Of course no one looked happier then Peter and Coco. I'm fairly positive they were being selfish and not thinking of my future happiness. They were just happy I would be out of the house over night no matter what the reason. Yes, they were as happy I was to learn that Charlotte has her very own apartment. I suppose all three of us do benefit. I have to admit as a fellow guy I do understand where Peter is coming from. I did notice they were both very invested in trying to nail down the actual date and time of our third date. NICE!**

**Well there is always certain amount of stress and nerve when it comes to that critical point in a relationship. It's a huge step and that naturally causes stress. Well as soon as I arrived I felt stress that was completely unrelated to our impending sexual intimacy. **

**I don't know if I mentioned this but she has a dog. Now I LOVE dogs. I wish we had one but I know Mike would never allow it. She has been talking about this dog since our first date. It's a chocolate lab named Nestle. Only a girl would come up with a name like that. Now I was really excited about meeting this dog. In fact the idea of having a dog to play with brought back fond memories of Mijacogeo our beloved childhood dog. I assumed Nestle and I would be best friends in no time.**

**Well my relationship with Nestle got off to a very bizarre start. I still haven't figured out what is going on with her. I usually can win over dogs right away. As soon as we met she ran over to me and started wagging her tail with some serious force. She even gave me a look like "Pet me now damn it!" Of course I did because she was just too cute not to spoil. I hate to say this but I think when I first arrived I gave her more attention than Charlotte. Nestle and I were bonding and all was right with the world.**

**Well, things seemed to changed really quickly. Before I knew it she looked up at me and started barking like crazy. Charlotte in the midst of dinner preparations whipped around and got this shocked look on her face. I'm not sure she knew what to do. **

**The most bizarre part was she was looking me in the eye and barking. At the same time, her tail was still going ninety miles an hour and she was looking at me lovingly. She actually seemed miffed that I had stopped playing with her. What the fuck Nestle? So she was barking at me AND expected me to lavish attention on her. She wasn't just barking quietly she was yapping like mad while looking at me with unconditional love. It was seriously trippin' me out. I didn't realize that human females weren't the only ones that gave guys mixed signals. If you want to get technical she really was being a bitch.**

**Now, I was already feeling slightly edgy and stressed after the planning and obsessing about our impending consummation. So I have to admit I did have a little mini melt down in front of Charlotte. Of course, she laughed for liked ten minutes. Between her and Coco, I guess all the women I love are just destined to laugh at me.**

**I guess you could say I told off Nestle as if she were a human girl. It was not one of my finer moments believe me. I think all the stress and nervousness came up and I really did pop off like a completely mental dipshit. I looked a dog in the eye and told her off as if she were a fellow human. "Look Nestle you need to cut this shit out! Make up your mind! Either you like me or you don't. If you don't like me I can accept that. However you can't bark at me and expect I'm gonna pay attention to you. Stop your phony bullshit!" Well Nestle blew me off and kept barking. I believe she gave me a look to say, "I live here and you don't. So I'll bark as much as I want!" If that weren't enough I looked up and noticed Charlotte was standing over us and laughing so hard she was almost doubled over. Her body was shaking and there were tears streaming down her face. NICE!**

**Finally Charlotte came up with the idea of putting a ball in her mouth. It worked! It worked just like a pacifier for a human infant. The dog still moved her face like she wanted to bark but eventually got used to the ball and stopped. She still had the nerve to look at me like " Um, who said you could stop petting me!" Man, she really is like a human female.**

**Well enough about the dog. Once she got used to the ball in her mouth, she just followed me around still demanding attention. She had some nerve.**

**Now, I'm finally ready to write about the best part of the entire evening. I'll very profound say WOW! Let's say it was so worth the wait.**

**Now we did have a mini misunderstanding in the early stages but it worked it itself out and things ended up being earth shattering as I thought it would be. Again, a profound WOW!**

**Once dinner was over we started some serious cuddling on the couch. I have to say this one LOVES to cuddle. I'm not adverse to cuddling but I AM a guy after all. Enough said!**

** I was certain she wanted it to happen. However, I could clearly see she was a bit nervous. I actually found her slight case of nerves absolutely adorable. **

**I decided since I'm the man, I would take over to make it easier on her. I just went ahead and absolutely kissed the living hell out of her. Not to pat myself on the back but I could tell by her reaction that is was one off the charts kiss.**

**Here is where things got slightly dicey. Ok, the kiss was finally broken. She looked into my eyes and said in a very casual and almost mono tone voice, "I'll be right back." Then she calmly walked into her bedroom and shut the door.**

**I just kind of fell back on the couch with my mouth hanging open. My thoughts raced. Oh my God! Does she expect me to just literally sleep here? I did notice she had twin beds in her bedroom. Was she expecting me to sleep in the other bed and not with her? Was she like Margaret? Did not want to sleep with me period? I felt so disillusioned I looked heavenward to feel some support from Dad. In my mind I said to him, "My God Dad is this actually happening to me AGAIN?"**

**Well luckily things were about to change in my favor. Just as I was about to express one more depressing one sided thought to Dad, I looked up and saw Charlotte standing before me. She had changed into an incredibly sexy and ever so revealing lace lingerie. Let's just say that it left NOTHING to the imagination. Now, I've mentioned that I throughly relish the site of her firm and shapely breasts in those very fitted tops she likes to wear. Well, that was nothing compared to the sight of them in a VERY thin layer of black lace. How shall I put this? Well, I figured if they looked this good, they were going to feel and taste even better. **

**I was so enjoying the site of her that my ability to speak went out the window. I just sat there with my eyes wide and a HUGE smile on my face. I couldn't have spoken even if I had something dire to say. **

**She sensed this and decided she needed to take charge this time. She looked me right in the eye and said in a overpoweringly sexy and throaty voice , "Well Micky I think it is time for bed!" I tried to make a sound but my speech hadn't quite returned. She saved the day yet again. She held out her hand and said, "Yes this time I mean it's time for US to go to bed." Of course, I firmly and quickly took her hand and we went into her bedroom TOGETHER! I think it's pretty obvious how the story goes from here.**

**I won't get into every little detail. After all, this is my journal not a biology textbook. However, I will say I was rather surprised that the sweet little nurse with the calm soothing voice has quite a set of lungs on her. I was taken aback to say the least. Of course, since I am a guy, I was also extremely flattered at the same time. Now, normally I don't have a self conscious bone in my body but I do remember wondering if others on the floor might realize exactly what Ms. Glasson was up to very early Saturday morning! Enough said!**

**Now believe it or not, I did have a minor bit of stress in the shower the next morning. Judging from what I just said about her reaction, you can imagine I was in an extremely elated state of mind when I went into the shower. At first, I was overpoweringly happy enjoying a nice warm relaxing shower. The warm shower also felt good after the workout we both had last night. **

**Well that is until I started looking around for the soap. For a minute or two it was tripping me out that I literally did not see a bar of soap. All I could see were at least a half a dozen bottles. Oh, I gets worse the bottles were shower gel. What the hell is shower gel? I wanted a simple bar of Ivory soap for god sakes!**

**I looked at all the bottles and was even more stressed out. Let's see we had mango coconut, coconut pineapple, coconut passion fruit, and coconut with jojoba butter extracts. What the fuck is jojoba butter? I seriously began to ponder what it meant that I just had hot passionate sex with a women who was obsessed with coconuts!**

**Now I really was tripping out. I'm a guy for god sakes! I can't go walking around smelling like a fucking tropical delicacy. If my friends or God forbid Coco smelled that on me I would NEVER hear the end of it!**

**I knew the only solution was to get out of the shower and ask Charlotte if she had any normal non girly soaps stashed away somewhere. I got out of the shower put on my robe and went back into the bedroom. She had fallen back asleep. GREAT! I stood there for a minute wondering what I should do.**

**I decided I had to wake her up. This was an emergency. I meekly let out a "um Charlotte?" After repeating that a few times She slowly opened up her eyes. She looked up at me with a giant smile on her face. I of course took it as the sincerest form of a compliment.**

**She very sedately and very happily said, "I thought you were going to take a shower." "I was but...". Before I could even get a word in edgewise she interrupted me and said, "but you just missed me so much you had to come back and wake me for a bit more." Then she firmly grabbed the edge of my robe and literally pulled me back in bed. OK! Well, let's just say I forgot about the shower dilemma. That sweet girl doesn't even know her own strength. I don't think I even need to say what we did after that. As an aside I must also mention that sweet little nurse is also quite fluent with the dirty talk. More than enough said!**

**So after a while we were just laying in bed sedately talking. She ran her fingers through my hair and noticed It was still rather wet from my initial few minutes in the shower earlier. "Wait, why is your hair so wet?" Believe it or not I was still so happy that I had to think for a minute! "Huh? OH! Right..." I then proceeded to explain to her my dilemma about the shower. Well she started laughing hysterically AGAIN! **

**I have to admit what she said next did make sense. Once she was able to calm her laughter she said through now very mild giggles,"I wouldn't worry about it Micky. In your case the marijuana smell will definitely tone down the fruity smell. In fact, it might even combine to make a very unique and maybe even manly scent!" She then erupted into more serious giggles.**

**I decided it was time for me to get up and just grin and bear it is the shower. I bent down and gave her one last passionate and if I do say so myself earth shattering kiss before heading back to the shower. I did make a mental note to pack some ivory soap for the next time. Hey, if our relationship gets really serious I might leave a few bars over here.**

**Well I suppose that is a perfect place to stop. I'm going to try to go back to sleep. I'm sure that after describing it here so will most likely appear in my dreams. Hey, there is nothing new there. She has been the subject of many dreams since that fateful day at the nursing home.**


	24. Chapter 24

December 5, 1965

Well Charlotte and I have been through another momentous step in our relationship. We had our first fight. Actually it was one small fight and one larger one. Since they happened close to one another and were related in some ways, I prefer to count them as one.

Now it is essential for me to mention to the biggest element in everything happened. I was right! Not only was I right, I won. Unfortunately that a rare event. I rarely win arguments especially with women. I was so right in this case that she had no choice but to look me in the eye and tell me I was right. I was not easy for her. I hate to admit this but I enjoyed every minute of her eloquent apology and groveling. Hey, it happens so infrequently I need to enjoy it when I can.

The more serious fight was preceded by another mistake on her part. Yes, I was justified in both. It got worked out but it intensified my feelings of anger during the more serious part of the fight. That will make more sense as the story progresses.

So we had plans one night. I honestly can't remember what they were. All I know is we had definite plans. So, I came to meet her as planned. I knocked on the door and of course Nestlé started barking like crazy. Stupid dog! So I was just standing there listening to her barking. After a minute it occurred to me that I was just hanging out in the hall. I was beginning to become mildly curious as to why Charlotte hadn't answered the door yet. I was beginning to feel like a dipshit standing in the hall listening to a barking dog.

At first I figured maybe she wasn't quite ready yet. Perhaps she didn't hear my knock from her bedroom. The thought of her in her bedroom is always a happy image for me. Ok, I'll stop thinking like a guy.

Girls take forever to get ready. She doesn't like it when I'm late. However sometimes when I'm on time she is running around like a decapitated chicken. Oh, yes so logical.

I timidly and slowly opened the door. Of course Nestlé had to go bezerk. She played he usual female mind games with me. She acted all excited and her tail started wagging like crazy. She of course has me trained. I always break down and end up petting her. It's not my fault. It's her fault for being so cute. As soon as I gave in and lavished her with attention, she got this look that says "I'm seriously thinking about barking right now." Within seconds the barking started. It always kills me how she starts barking and then looks at me like I have some nerve for not wanting to shower her with love. She barks with love and still wants to play. Stupid Stupid dog. What really kills me is she ONLY does this to me! She's met my friends and she doesn't bark at them. She doesn't bark at Charlotte's friends. I want to ask her what is it about me that she finds so unusual. Since she can't talk, that really wouldn't help. I finally found the ball we use as a pacifier and that took care of the situation for now.

Charlotte's bed room door was cracked open but I couldn't see in. DAMN! Even at this stage I'm unfortunately too much of a gentleman to go into any women's bedroom uninvited. Well stupid Micky assumed she was in there. So I just started talking while playing with now pacified Nestlé. After a few minutes I realized I wasn't getting any response. I mean I wasn't even getting a bored sounding "ah ha"

It's funny but I think Nestle was trying to communicate to me,"She's not here you stupid dipshit! So, stop talking!" She kept looking toward the bedroom then frantically turning her head back towards me. I finally timidly got up and gently knocked on the cracked door. Nestle was right! She was nowhere to be found. The scary part is I think I was talking for a least two minutes before I even figured out I was talking to no one. That is how much I enjoy talking. I turned around and I swear Nestlé looked at me like, "I told you, dumbshit!"

Now you can imagine I was beyond pissed off that I was spending my Saturday night hanging out with a dog. I was so mad I continued to talk out loud. I looked at Nestlé and said, " Well I guess I traded one bitch for another!"

I decided to let off some steam and take her for a walk. To be honest I didn't do it out of concern for the dog. I admit I did it only so she would feel even worse later. "Oh yes see how thoughtful I am! You kick me to the curb and I still go out of my way to help you by walking your stupid dog!"

Of course I was even more frustrated when I went to put the leash on her. This was not turning out to be a good night for me. Walking a dog should not have been a difficult task. However she was too excited to sit still so I couldn't get the stupid leash on her. I have to admit I cracked again and told her off as if she were a human girl . "Ok, you need to cut this shit out! You claim to wanna go out. Well how the fuck am I supposed to get your leash on you if you don't stop moving around like a wackdog? Do you wanna go out or not? So stay still DAMN IT!" She actually listened to me! I was shocked. Well at least one female in my life respected me.

I decided to leave her a scathing note before I left. I may have gone slightly overboard but I was still so mad. In the PS I bluntly wrote,"By the way, when you get home feel free to have a nice relaxing cup of tea or go straight to bed. I say that because I already walked your fucking dog for you!" Yeah, I think I was just a little perturbed.

Oh but my evening was about to get even better. I was looking forward to getting home to the support of my friends. Well as soon as I opened the door, Coco go this horrified look on her face and said, "Well what that hell are you doing here?" NICE! Boy, was I feeling loved at the moment. Even my own flesh and blood didn't want me around. It dawned on me that at that very moment my only friend in the world was a barking dog. Talk about hitting rock bottom. I was so not in the mood. I angrily spat back, "Thanks! I love you too!" She did feel kind of bad and that is exactly what I wanted her to feel. She back peddled but it was too late.

Looking back on it, it could have been worse. She was clothed and not disheveled. Obviously, I got back in time. If I had been thinking clearly I would have called home to warn them. However, I was more focused on my eloquent scathing note I wanted to leave for Charlotte and leaving my only friend in the world behind.

In response to her ever so insulting remark, I stomped out to the deck with less maturity than Debbie and Gina. Of course she couldn't just leave me the fuck alone. No she had to follow me. My friends followed suit because they had to find out why I was home AND in a shitty mood.

She very casually said, " You know I love you but you said you were spending the night at Charlotte's." I didn't say anything because I was waiting for her to finish. I could not believe that was what she considered an apology. Once I didn't hear more groveling I realized that WAS her apology. FUCK THAT! So, I come back with," If that is your idea of an apology that I have to say it really fucking sucks!" The guys especially Peter all looked terrified that I had the guts to say that to her. Come to think of I got a terrified look on my face once I realized what I actually blurted out. She of course didn't let me get away with it. She accused me of being a sulky pain in the ass. That was followed by a very mature back and forth chorus of "AM NOT!" "ARE TOO!"

Mike was understandably getting tired of our childish bullshit. To be fair, I can't say I blame him. He finally angrily cried out,"CHILDREN KNOCK IT OFF!" OK well that seriously ended the bullshit. Then he said in a less angry but still fatherly authoritative tone, "Now, let's settle this one at time. Now, Micky you WERE supposed to stay at Charlotte's. It might help if you explain why you came home." Then he kind of looked at me like a father who was giving his child permission to speak. In a weird twisted way it made me miss Dad. Yeah, just what I needed. "Well let's see I was getting really tired of hanging out with a stupid dog!" Peter got this horrified look on his face and blurted out, "**MICKY**! How can you talk about Charlotte that way? I thought you really liked her. She's not a dog! In fact she is very very pretty especially with the red curly hair!" Well Coco gave HIM a death ray and that shut him up. I just placed my head in my hands and then looked heavenward to somehow get strength from Dad. "NO PETER! NOT CHARLOTTE, NESTLE!"

I think Davy was the first to translate. "OH MAN! You got stood up!" I gave him a look that said " Yeah it's about time you stupid dipshits figured that out!"Davy continued and made it worse. "WOW! That really sucks! Well not that I know the feeling personally but I can imagine it would suck! Still, try not to take it personally!"

Ok, this is the part of the evening where I lost it and had a serious melt down. "DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY? MY GIRLFRIEND FORGOT ABOUT ME! MY SISTER AND MY BEST FRIEND DON'T WANT ME AROUND! RIGHT NOW MY ONLY FRIEND IS A BARKING DOG! OH NO THAT'S NOT FUCKING PERSONAL!" Even though Coco and I were at odds she still acted out of loyalty and lit into Davy. "I don't think you are helping him you egomaniac. Oh yes I forgot no sane women would ever stand YOU up! PLEASE!" He turned pale and let out his signature "OHHH!" Oh, it gets better. Then she got fed up with everyone. " You know what I'm sick and tired of you people! You all need to go inside so I can talk to my brother alone!" Now they looked scared but they did not want to take orders from a girl. So they all muttered back and forth how they were thirsty. Of course they all had to go and get and drink at the same time.

Once we were alone she sincerely apologized and didn't even roll her eyes at the end."Look I'm sorry about earlier. I had no idea you had been through. If I had I wouldn't have said that!" WOW! She really did sound contrite!

For the first time that night, I actually had time to stop and speculate about what she might have been doing other then spending time with me. Truthfully it scared me deeply. When I was at her house I was too mad. When I got home I was too mad at Peter and Coco. Once that all got resolved, I had time to obsess with a vengeance!

I decided to share my fears with Coco. She tried to talk me down from my crazed imagination. "Wait a minute! Don't go borrowing trouble! I get that you are angry and you have every right to be. However, you have no idea why she stood you up. Maybe she was simply out with her FEMALE friends! Until she explains herself you can't assume anything!" Of course she was right. DAMN IT! Not only that's he had even more cocky wisdom to impart. " Look, I've seen the way she looks at you and vice versa! It is highly unlikely that she suddenly decided to just pick up some other guy!"

A few minutes later Peter very timidly came out and meekly said, "Um Um excuse me. Sorry to interrupt but um Charlotte is on the phone. I'm sorry! You never said if you wanted to talk to her or not. I didn't know what to do! I knew I should have had Mike answer it!" I sighed and got up to face her. As I was walking away Coco felt compelled to say, "Remember Micky don't immediately react in anger and say something you will regret later!" I couldn't resist "Oh ok MOM!" She rolled her eyes but did not give me a death ray.

I must say Charlotte did carry on and was very contrite. I lost count of how many times used the phrase "I'm so so so so sorry!" A few times she sounded near tears! GREAT! Of course my sister was right. Apparently an old FEMALE friend of hers showed up in town. In all the bustle and excitement she totally forgot about poor little old me.

I didn't know what to do. My friends were watching me and I didn't want to just melt like a stupid girl. I wanted to seem manly and at least give her a little bit of a hard time. I mean she DID stand me up after all. However, her tearful words were melting me quickly. Oh, it gets worse. She begged me to come back even though it was getting late. OH MAN! Of course the image of seriously passionate make up sex appealed to me greatly. Judging from her contrite words, I was sure it would be off the charts make up sex.

Still I had to least give her a hard time for a minute or two. I couldn't face my friends if I didn't. So, I took a deep breath and tried to put on a martyr voice. " Look Charlotte if you would rather spend time with your friends then me that is fine. I understand. So I'm not sure I feel like coming all the way back tonight." SERIOUS LIE! I felt like it! No I really felt like it! Enough said.

As you can imagine she won in the end. "Oh I suppose you are right. It's just that I really do feel awful and would love to make it up to you. However, I certainly understand!" Don't think she didn't put on an incredibly sexy and throaty tone. "Well ah ah It's not that I'm not willing to forgive you."

Well that sweet girl with a comforting voice actually started with the dirty talk right on the phone! OH SHIT! She had never done that on the phone before! As I said she is very fluent in that language! Well that did it. I suddenly didn't give a shit what my friends thought of me. "I'll be right there!" was all I said before I promptly hung up the phone and headed for the door.

As I quickly reached for my never unpacked bag by the door, Coco said with a very devilish giggle. "Oh, Micky, I love you and have fun!" I could not resist coming back with,"Thanks! I love you too and you have fun yourself!" To my surprise Peter responded back, "Thanks Mick!" Well I wasn't really talking to him but whatever. I decided it was time for my to quickly extricate myself.

Well I was right, I was blessed with some serious off the charts make up sex. You know it actually made the entire incident worth it. Just like with all the other times I knew others on the floor would be CERTAIN that Charlotte's boyfriend was spending the night. Yes, it was that good.

I knew the minute I arrived I was going to be beyond lucky. When she answered the door she was already dressed in my absolute favorite black lace lingerie. Not only that my best friend Nestlé was already safely confined to the kitchen. Well, we wasted no time. We didn't even hug or exchange any of the usual pleasantries. That is just as well because the sight of her in that lingerie takes away my ability to speak anyway at least with words. It really was time for bed.

Once it was over and we were finally able to breathe more evenly, we very sedately cuddled and talked. She suddenly said,"OH! I forgot, I felt so badly that I picked up a present for you on the way home!" That seriously made me laugh. I said though my laughter, "Um, that is really sweet but trust me you have more than made up for your mistake!" "No no hold on!" she said as she got up to get my gift. Yes, of course I enjoyed the naked butt!

I took it and noticed it was something in a really cheap looking plastic bag. When I saw what it was we both laughed for about ten minutes! I couldn't resist saying, "OH WOW! A six pack of ivory soap! Just what I always wanted! You shouldn't have!" Well the little gift moment lead to yet even more off the charts make up sex. I decided that her friends needed to drop into town unannounced more often. Much later, I did enjoy a nice warm shower without coming out smelling a fruity tropical delicacy.

Well I think I need to stop right now. Yes, I mentioned before this fight did lead to another much more complicated argument. However I'm to tired to get into that one tonight. Hopefully I'll get to it tomorrow. Now I'm off to mellow out and hopefully go to sleep. Much more later...


	25. Chapter 25

December 6, 1965

So where did I leave off? Oh yes, Charlotte and I had just made up from our last argument in a most blissful way. For a brief period things were going very well. However I have learned that as soon as you think your life is right on track something comes along and throws it right back off again.

It all started when she asked me to pick her up from work. The truth is I enjoy picking her up from work. I hate to admit this but I have bonded with a lot of the little old ladies and even some of he old men. They always seem so happy to see me and love it when I take the time to talk to them. Even the ones that don't remember my name seem to somehow remember my face. I mean a person can't help but feel good when they make people happy by just walking into a room. I mean I don't even have to sing. It makes their day just to see me. I'm telling you that when I get so old and sick that some punky twenty year old kid makes my entire day, I'm checking out. Oh God, please take me when that time comes.

When I saw her she looked so tired and strained. She handles the constant stress of her job with such grace. However even she looked like she was feeling the strain. If I had to put up with all those incredibly stupid nurses aides plus the issues with the patients, I would have killed someone and possibly myself by now. I don't even know how she does it. Not only does she manage she really loves it.

As soon as I saw her poor tired face I made it my mission to get her out and destressed as quickly as possible. I'm telling you she is so thorough and dedicated that it is very difficult to get her to leave and switch into relaxation mode. At first I thought I was going to have an easier time then usual. I could tell she was very anxious to leave.

As we were walking towards the door, I saw a man out of the corner of my eye. He was walking or shall I say strutting down the hall. I noticed that he had a stethoscope around his neck. I assumed he was one of the Doctors. I could also tell from a distance that he was pompous bumblefuck. After Coco's ex and a few others I can spot 'em from a mile away. We were so close to the door when she suddenly bellowed after us "CHARLOTTE!" Under her breath she very quietly muttered "SHIT!" Now for her to even consider cursing at work meant she was very stressed out. I told her we should consider just making a run for it but she gave me a horrified look back. I felt kind of guilty.

She as usual handled it with grace was extremely professional. I on the other hand was mentally cursing this guy out in a big way strictly in my head. She forced an insincere but semi believable smile and said, " Oh Hi Dr. Salles. What can I do for you?"

Ok maybe I have a slight case of paranoia but I could have sworn he looked me up and down and was not impressed. I also noticed a very strong look of fire in his eyes when looked at her. The whole incident was causing my blood pressure sky rocket.

His very dumb response was "Oh, I'm sorry were you on your way out?" I looked at my watch and then looked directly at him and scowled. In my head I was thinking, "Do ya think dumbshit? I mean she has her purse, bag, and jacket and is headed for the door! Oh and let's not forget her loyal, good looking and ever so talented boyfriend by her side. What tipped you off dumb fuck?"

She meekly replied "Um, we'll yes sort of." Sort of? I admit I was feeling annoyed with her. I love her dedication to the poor sick people. However she needed to be stronger. I mean this bumblefuck was encroaching on her or shall I say our personal time together. He laughed a very phony laugh that almost induced vomiting on my part. "Oh well I'm so sorry but I really do need to speak with you. It's very important." I knew she was going to give in and I was destined to park my lowly ass while they discussed this so called emergency.

Oh but things were about to get much worse believe me. He smiled again looked at her with some serious fire and said, "I'm sorry to bother you on your way out. However it's always a pleasure to see you. By the way how many times have I told you it's not Dr. Salles, it's Chaz." Chaz? OH PLEASE! Suddenly George wasn't sounding so bad.

If that weren't enough, he leaned forward and hugged her. Oh yes, I am quite serious. I did not handle that very well at all. I wanted to kill him. However miraculously I did not go through with it. I figured a life sentence might seriously impact the future of our relationship.

That didn't mean I didn't make a scene. My eyes nearly popped out of my head, my whole upper body roughly lurched forward, and I began to cough violently. Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see the looks of alarm on the old ladies faces. Well Dr. Bumblefuck stared at me clearly wondering who the fuck I was. It annoyed me to no end that he was being slimy but I ended up looking like a jackass. Yeah that's justice for ya.

I was still slightly trembling while the three of us stood there starting at each other. Out of sheer discomfort Charlotte broke the deafening silence. "Oh um a Dr. Salles this this is my... " after a short pause she continued "friend Micky Dolenz. Um he was kind enough to pick me up from work." All the color drained from my face and I felt as if I could faint. However I forced myself not to do so. I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of having to revive me.

After a bunch of phony and painfully awkward small talk, they proceeded to her office. Oh, and that bumblefuck very gently put his nasty hand on the small of her back. My heart almost pounded out of my chest. I thought I might just have a real heart attack and see Dad again when I saw him shut her office door.

I have no idea how long they were in there alone together. I passed the time chatting and entertaining the old ladies. I figured at least they still loved me. It also occurred to me that Dr. Bumblefuck probably couldn't sing. I figured he probably did not teach himself how to play the guitar and the drums. HAH!

Well finally my very pretty little pal was finished. I was extremely sulky with her as she gathered up her things. I decided that I really did not want to spend time with her after what she did. Now I realize the mature thing would have been to tell her I was angry and try to talk it out! FUCK THAT! I prefer to sulk rather than confront. I put on a phony sick voice and told her I was not feeling well and I should just take her home. I knew she didn't believe me but I really didn't give a shit. I wanted nothing more than to be done with the whole situation. Part of me hoped she would wither and apologize. I had visions of her running into my strong awaiting arms. Then she would cry and promise the best make up sex imaginable. That was far from what happened. She gave my any icy cold stare and coldly replied "Ok fine!" She tone was so cold I could almost see and feel the frost forming on the walls of the office.

Well you can imagine the car ride home was far from pleasant. I couldn't take the icy silence any more. I decided to I just had to ask her why Dr. Bumblefuck decided he had to harass her at exactly 5:00 on a Friday. I knew damn well why he did. Well he had it all figured out. His plan was to talk to her about work for a minute or two. Then he could say that since she was on her way out why don't they grab a bite. Unfortunately for him her little friend/chauffeur was there to run his sleazy little plan. HAH! God only knows what else he wanted/ wants to do with her. I shuddered! I absolutely shuddered at that thought.

Well she did not like my questioning. She actually had the nerve or as Davy says the utter cheek to defend him. She claimed that he is a very busy man. Yeah my ass! I knew he wanted to be very busy man with my girlfriend! I unconsciously rolled my eyes way back in my head and I let out a loud and annoyed snort of contempt. Oh, she did not like that at all. In fact she gave me a death ray that even mom would have had trouble staring down.

It occurred to me that she might not even realize what this guy was after. I mean even though she was being a royal pain in my ass, she remained deep down a sweet compassionate loving girl. Maybe her loving and trusting nature prevented her from realizing what he was after. I felt an overwhelming need to protect her. I admit it was my inborn male protective gene needing to protect my woman. So I told her that this man wants much more from her then her brilliant nursing skills. She did not like my remark to say the least. I made it so much worse by saying "Look I'm only saying this to protect you!" She looked over at me and gave me a death ray that would have made mom cower and run away in the other direction. I actually wondered how such a sweet girl could even make such a mean angry face. I admit I was very scared. My heart was pounding.

Oh it gets even better she lit into me like a windmill in a tornado. "I'm sorry did you just say that you suddenly have this overwhelming need to protect poor helpless little me?" She looked over at me like she expected an answer. Well I was so scared I couldn't form real sentences. I could only cough and stutter.

Her tongue lashing got even worse. "Well just who the fuck are you that you think that you ,the big strong man, have to protect me ,the poor stupid woman? You know it turns out to be a good thing that you actually think I am too fucking stupid to realize you are lying about being sick. I never really wanted to spend time with your stupid sulky self. So my big strong man we are even!" I was so shocked I really didn't have an answer. I have never head her use the f word in anger before. Occasionally she will use it in jest but even that is not a common occurrence. When we finally got to her house she very bitterly and sarcastically said, "Feel better!" as she roughly slammed the car door.

Several days went by with no communication at all. I believe it was the longest we went without talking to one another. I was absolutely miserable. I realize the mature thing to have done would have been to pick up the phone and call her. However I just couldn't bring myself to do that.

Instead I decided to inflict my sulky and pathetic self on my friends. One evening we were just chillin' out and getting mellow on the deck. I was a thousand miles away. I was staring off into my sad lonely world. Coco had grown extremely weary of my sulky bullshit. "Oh for god sakes why don't you just get of your sorry ass and call her already!" My extremely mature response was "Call who?" "PLEASE! You know who I'm talking about! It's painfully obvious that you miss her!" I got very defensive. "I DO NOT!" I bellowed as I crossed my arms like a little boy.

Of course all of my friends had to weigh in. Mike had to act like the father figure and be sensible and level headed. "Look shotgun, I know it's hard to be the one to give in. However, your sister is right! You do miss her. I'm sure she misses you too. There is no point in being miserable when you could be together!" Yes, of course my sister was right! She is always right!

I couldn't give in even with that being said. "Yeah well she should have thought about that before she introduced me to another man as 'her friend' " Much to my surprise Davy took my side. "No man don't call her! Being demoted to 'friend' status is a tough pill to swallow! Don't let her get away with that!" We'll Coco didn't like that one bit. She looked him square in the eye and said. "Shut the fuck up! Nobody asked your opinion!" He looked really scared. Even Peter looked scared on his behalf. Luckily the phone rang. Saved by the bell literally! Davy jumped up to answer it.

He came back outside with a shocked look on his face. "Um Micky Charlotte is on the phone!" OH SHIT! I just turned pale and stood paralyzed. "We'll go talk to her dumbshit!" Coco bellowed. NICE!

I got a double shock. I was shocked that she was calling me. However, her first very contrite words almost put me over the edge. I was glad I was sitting down. Her first desperate and close to tearful words were "You were right!" I couldn't even believe my ears. A woman was telling me I was right? The scary part is I think that was almost unprecedented. Between Mom Coco and my Grandmother, I rarely hear that phrase from a woman. I actually looked heavenward as if to ask Dad, "Did I actually hear her right?" I was so speechless that poor already disturbed Charlotte was left to meekly wonder if I was still there. "um Micky?" she said with a shaky voice. "OH! Yes, I'm so sorry! Go on!"

Well as she contritely explained Dr. Bumblefuck did try to move in on her. I was proud of her though. She may be sweet and loving but that chick can take care of herself. Apparently he made a blatant move on her during a one on one meeting. Well she stomped on his foot with all her strength while wearing the adorable but clunky boots she likes to wear. He winced in pain and limped out of the meeting in shame. That image seriously cracked me up!

Well we of course made up. No I mean we really made up. I'm telling you the others on the floor must have figured out that we had a fight because it had been rather quiet lately. Well, I'm sure they all KNEW we made up. I pictured "OH! They finally made up!" Yes, it was rather obvious!

As we were sedately talking and recovering, I had a burning question to ask her. I hated to bring up a sore subject but I had to know. I asked her why she introduced me as her friend. After what we had just been through together, it was obvious she thought of me as more than that. After that I got my answer I felt like a serious jackass! She sighed deeply and said "Well I was at work! I had to be professional! What did you want me to say? 'Oh Dr. Sales this is my boyfriend. I'd love to stay and chat but you are encroaching on our precious sex time' " Yeah she had a point there. She began to laugh and I was blessed with even more amazing make up sex.

After a while we both began to drift off to sleep. Well it had been an emotional ordeal. My body was tired and my eyes fell shut. However my mind perked up a bit and I began to analyze the whole situation. FUCKING TYPICAL! I wish my mind and body could be in sync for once.

Well I thought about how upset I was when she introduced me as her friend. I really was threatened by another man that appeared smarter and more successful than me. It suddenly hit me why I felt so insecure. It felt like a large bolt of electricity coursing through my body! I said to myself "I love this girl!" No I really do! I mean I was miserable without her only for a few days. I missed her so much! It wasn't just a slight missing. I missed everything about her. I thought about her every minute. I constantly wondered what she was doing and if she was ok. Yeah that's love alright!

Now I made a mistake that had a very happy ending. I meant to keep these thoughts to myself at least for a while anyway. I mean it can be scary to actually tell someone you love them for the first time. I was pretty confident that she felt the same way. Even then one never knows how that shaky moment is going to turn out. It's impossible to determine how the other person will respond.

I thought I was only telling myself that I really loved her. However without meaning to in my sleepy state I blurted out " I love you!" OH SHIT! I panicked and prayed that maybe she didn't hear me. I also panicked that she might not give me the I love you return. Unfortunately she heard me loud and clear.

I could clearly feel her body tense up against mine. I knew she felt surprised because her breathing was quickening. I didn't know if that was good or bad.

I heard her make a few attempts to speak but she was too choked up. I wasn't sure if this was a good or bad sign. I mean was she choked up out of love? Was she choked up because she didn't feel the same way and was scared of telling me the truth? In all honesty the silence, stuttering and hesitation lasted only a minute at the most. However, it was the longest minute of my life!

After listening to her stutter for a few more seconds I FINALLY got my answer. "Micky?" "Yes!" I said anxiously but trying to sound calm for her sake. "I love you too!" she said with an extremely choked up voice. I let out a huge and most profound sigh of relief.

As you can imagine her positive declaration instinctively led to very long, slow, deep and profoundly passionate kiss. When the kiss was FINALLY broken neither one of us knew what to say. I honestly think we were both afraid of saying the wrong thing and ruining the moment. In other words, we were just awkwardly staring at each other in very close proximity.

Finally to break the tension we both started laughing hysterically at the exact same split second moment. Emotional exhaustion finally took over once again. She somehow managed to cuddle up even closer to me before we finally fell asleep.

I must end this on a rather light and funny note. I figure the whole thing has been so deeply emotional and serious. Well, the next morning as I was waking up, I felt something wet upon my face and it was definitely not Charlotte. It was my best four legged friend Nestle giving me a kiss.

Charlotte told me she missed me and she could tell I was missing for a few days. I guess she really was glad to see me. I slowly opened my eyes. The minute I opened my eyes the barking started. STUPID DOG! I think she really did miss me because her happy bark sounded even more passionate. She had the nerve to look at me like "We'll get your ass out of bed and play with me!" She wanted to play and there was no way I was getting out of this one. She was running around the room all excited and barking like crazy. I figured I would get dressed and offer to take her for another walk.

Well this is a little embarrassing but before I knew it I looked over and she was playing and sniffing around in a pile of our clothes. Yes you can imagine after last night there were clothes everywhere. Before I knew it she had my underwear. I tried to get them back and she thought I was playing. Yes I was having a tug of war with a dog for my underwear. Charlotte heard the commotion and came back in the bedroom. Of course she found it hysterically funny. Like I said between her and Coco all the women in my life are destined to laugh at me.

Well I think on that note I'm finally finished describing all this deep emotional crap. I'm praying that thing stay stable at least for a while. Being in love is a good feeling however it can also be extremely exhausting.


	26. Chapter 26

December 10, 1965

I'm recovering from a rather exhausting and interesting events or series of events. It took a lot out of me. It even briefly robbed me of my Christmas spirit. It's takes a lot to do that to me. I start to get excited the day after Thanksgiving. It's a little embarrassing but I figure you never outgrow Christmas. At least you shouldn't anyway. I was able to get my boyish spirit back after only a few sulky hours.

It all started when Charlotte and Coco decided it would be really special to do a couples Christmas shopping event. Oh please! I knew there was no way I was getting out of this one. I knew couldn't say no to two women who can potentially impact my happiness in drastically different ways.

First of all, I don't like shop in with girls to begin with. I knew I had to go Christmas shopping at some point. However, I prefer to shop by myself or at the very least I prefer to go with another guy. I'm still traumatized by my old shopping experiences with mom. I figured it couldn't be as bad as all that right? I was very wrong about that.

I was in a bad mood for most of the afternoon. However, I didn't want to inflict myself on everyone else. Everyone else seemed to be enjoying themselves even Peter. I hated to be the person who ruins it for everyone else. I know how I feel when I'm having a good time and some whiney person ruins it for me and others.

After a few hours of walking and standing in lines my hip was really hurting me. I was mad at myself because I should have taken it into consideration. It should have occurred to me to take aspirin as preventive medicine. I didn't say anything but after a while I started limping. Luckily for the most part no one seemed to notice. I tried to tell myself not to limp. However, that was taking too much energy and concentration.

After a while I spotted a guy in the distance who looked really familiar. I couldn't believe in a crowded shopping mall that I managed to spot someone I knew. It was annoying me because I was sure I knew him but I couldn't think how for the life of me. I even asked Coco and she recognized him too but couldn't think from where. Yeah, she was a big help.

I was hoping that he didn't see us because with my luck he would know me. I'd have to be like "Hey, nice to see you again! I'm sorry remind me who the fuck you are." After a minute, I could tell he saw us out of the corner of his eye. He looked slightly worried. That led me to believe that he was not someone who liked us very much. Trying to avoid this guy and analyzing it to death was very stressful. The fact that I was in pain did not help matters much

Thankfully he got lost in the crowd intentionally or unintentionally. It didn't matter as long as he was gone. I still found seeing him a bit unsettling.

After a while, I actually was starting to enjoy myself. We rested for a little while so my hip was starting to feel a little better. Well things were about to change is a big way.

I suddenly noticed Coco got this bizarre look on her face. It was a combination of anger and shock. Believe me it is not a shock to see her look mad but this was too much even for her. She was even having trouble speaking. Now that rarely happens. We were all shocked and truly wondering what was bothering her.

Finally she spoke up. She took a deep breath and said in a very quiet and measured tone. "Ok Micky didn't freak out but I now know where we know that guy from!" Don't freak out? I knew that was not good. That means it's something I should freak out about but she doesn't want me to freak out about it. "What?" I said very nervously. She took another very deep breath and hesitantly said "Look over there!"

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. Well fuck I looked over and saw Mary in the distance. That's where I knew the guy from! It hit me like a sharp blow to my solar plexus. He was the guy that went off with after she dumped me. There the two of them were in the distance.

It's too complicated to even describe all the hundreds of thoughts that were going through my head at he same times. I do know that all the bad memories came flooding back with a vengeance. These were memories I thought I had overcome. However at that time I might as well have been transported back in time to the scene of all those bad memories.

Coco explained to Peter and Charlotte what was going on. It was obvious by my body language and the horrified look on my face that something was amiss. They clearly wondered what reduced me to such a state. They were both really sweet and so supportive. They all wanted to know how I felt. Since I never expected to see either one of them before I wasn't sure how I felt or should feel.

Of course they spotted us. She acted so casual which really pissed me off. She acted as though she was just some regular person that I grew up with. WOW! This woman was seriously delusional. I mean did she seriously think that we would be happy to see her?

Coco wasn't taking that shit. Well I do remember at the time she said that Mary better pray she never ran to her again. I knew that with my sister those were not just idle words. "Oh my God, no you did not just have the nerve to casually talk to us like nothing happened." Bitch please!"

She ignored my sisters' comments and tried to talk like there should be no bad blood between us. She thought that we could still have a normal conversation. Part of me was kicking myself for ever caring about this psycho bitch. She suddenly looked at Charlotte and decided to introduce herself. At first I wasn't sure how she was going to take it. I knew she wanted to be anywhere but where she was at the moment. I figured she would be sweet and just be civil so we could just leave with dignity.

Well apparently there is some hidden fire to match the red hair. "Bitch, you don't have to introduce yourself to me! Believe me I KNOW who you are!" We all just kind of stood there in absolute shock. Yes I knew she loves me but still thought she would be too sweet and loving to actually say anything. None of us could believe she said something like that. I must admit her fiery read headed really excited me in a big way. Especially since I didn't think she had it in her. Let's just say that I really couldn't wait to express it later when we were completely alone.

Well seeing my fiery redhead and my loyal sister stand up for me set off a spark of anger from deep down in the pit of my soul. I realized this was my chance to get total closure and tell this bitch exactly what I thought of her. At the time all I was left with was a note. If she thought it was difficult with Coco and my fiery little read head, she hadn't seen anything yet.

Well I just let it all fly out and I didn't give a shit that I was in public and who the fuck heard me. I was letting everything go so fast that I didn't even know what I was saying. It was just coming out of my mouth before I had time to think it through. I do know there were a lot of expletives involved. Finally I stopped and calmly turned away. I felt compelled to turn around and add "Oh by the way Merry Fucking Christmas!"

Now the only one who had stayed silent up until now was Peter. Well I was about to find out that he was also about to show how fierce loyalty. After a minute, he abruptly turned and said, "Happy Fucking New Year!" I think my sister has seriously been rubbing off on him. This time he didn't even freak out afterwards. He was really confident. It was a very pleasant sight to behold. I must say I was touched later when I thanked him. He said with bravery and loyalty in his voice, "I'd stick my right arm in the fire for you!" AWWWWW!

The only problem is we both felt bad when we noticed the entire incident took place right near where Santa was. We both just kind of looked at each other like, "We both just cursed out someone in front of Santa!" Coco felt compelled to say through laughter "Don't be surprised if you guys don't get any presents on Christmas morning!" Charlotte felt compelled to laugh. Nice! Just whose side was she on? What scared me even more was Peter looked seriously worried. He felt compelled to nervously say "Yeah well Micky cursed way more than I did."

On the way the shock of the situation wore off and were all talking a mile a minute. Once the adrenalin wore off, Charlotte still couldn't believe she actually cursed someone out in public. "You know I've never actually cursed someone out to their face like that before. I've gotten mad but I've never actually called another woman a bitch in public!" As she said that her voice shook a little in shock. Coco got this horrified look on her face like she couldn't believe that was possible. The idea of having never cursed someone out was seriously foreign to her. "What? You can't be serious! Never?" She said in an utterly shocked voice. All I could do was roll my eyes.

My friends all meant well. They wanted to talk about every aspect of the situation. Even Mike and Davy wanted to talk about it and they weren't even there. When we told them about it later they were concerned which is nice and I appreciated it. However, it had been a long weird and emotional day. I really did just want to forget it. Being asked how I felt or told how I was supposed to feel wasn't helping.

I only had one female friend that didn't care what actually happened but only wanted to love me unconditionally no matter what I had been though today. I should mention that this particular girl had four legs. Yes I'm referring to Nestle. I know I sound sappy but it was really touching and warmed my heart.

By the time we finally got back to Charlotte's I really was completely exhausted. I was almost too tired to talk. That is a rare event and indicates I had a LONG day. Even on the way in the car, Charlotte still wanted to analyze the day to death. I was emotionally exhausted but I didn't have the heart to tell her to shut up! I knew she was only acting out of love. Plus, she is to damn cute for me to say that to her.

The minute she put the key to the door Nestlé started barking. STUPID DOG! At first she couldn't resist her literally bitchy mind games of barking at me with love. We forced her ball pacifier on her and that took care of it.

My hip was hurting again and Charlotte told me to sit while she got me an ice pack. One of the best perks of dating a nurse is they really know how to take care of you when you don't feel well. I just plopped down on the couch as if I was surrendering from emotional and physical exhaustion.

This is going to to sound crazy but Nestle suddenly seemed almost human to me. She walked up to me and looked up at me with human girl like sensitivity in her eyes. I swear it was like she could tell I had a bad day. That was all she needed to know.

Oh it gets even cuter believe it or not; she inched closer and put her head on my lap. This time when she looked at me it is as if she was thinking, "It's Ok Micky! I know you had a bad day. I'm sorry. I don't even need to know why! I'm just here to love you!" I of course paid her back by petting her little head. I also was impressed that she somehow knew to stick her head on the left side of my lap instead of my aching right side. Yes, that is my smart little doggie! Wow! I really am melting like frosty the snowman snow man in summer! Ok, I know I'm giving a dog way to much credit but I can't help it. Do you see what that crazy ball of fur has reduced me to? It's sad how she and her mommy both bring of the softie in me. It kind of sucks actually. Don't think that her mommy didn't pick up on that too and laugh at me. III, the woman in my life!

After a while, the ice was really helping my hip feel better. I decided I needed to stretch it a little. It occurred to me that a walk was the perfect way to repay my little four legged friend for her loyalty and gently exercise my hip. After all friendship is a two way street. So I blurted out with boundless enthusiasm "Hey! Do you want to go for a walk?" She of course went absolutely bezerk.

It's kind of funny because Charlotte got kind of annoyed with me at first. "MICKY! What did you say that for? I just walked her when we got back. I really don't feel like going out again!" "Well who says you were invited!" I kind of wanted to bond with Nestlé alone. She was taken aback but laughed. "Well that is fine with me! I could use some piece of quiet for a few minutes! A short break from the two of you sounds very appealing right now." She said as she stuck her tongue out at me. I was off to take a nice walk with my loyal friend.

Well that crazy series of events is finally over. The good news is I now have my Christmas spirit back with a vengeance. I mean it is almost Christmas and I have finally found a wonderful girl who I'm crazy about. When I think about how miserable I was when Mary left me that note, I realize life really does come full circle. I can't believe I'm admitting that mom was right. At the time, she assured me that everything would be alright. I really had a hard time believing her. Well at least I never believed things would turn out as well as they did with my fiery little red head. Oh, and I also managed to get most of my Christmas shopping done in the process. That is good because I'm not anxious to go back to the mall anytime soon after the scene I caused.


End file.
